How Alopecia Ultimately Gave Me Confidence
As told to Samantha Faragalli.
Christa in the fourth grade. (Photo: Samantha Faragalli)
At eight years old, I just wanted to be a normal kid. Instead I would hide in the bathroom stalls during school watching clumps of hair fall from my head.
It all started back in the fall of 2002, as I was anxiously getting ready to start the third grade. My mother always made me get a haircut before starting school—the classic front “curtain” bangs cut right above my eyebrows. Unfortunately, my haircut experience that year was unlike the rest: my hairdresser discovered a quarter-sized bald spot on my scalp while cutting into my otherwise-flawless blonde hair.
I sat in the dermatologist office holding my mom, absolutely terrified, thinking I was an alien and asking myself, “Why is this happening to me?” The dermatologist soon told me that I had Alopecia, an autoimmune disease that causes the body’s immune system to attack the hair follicles, resulting in hair loss.
My life took a dramatic turn that day. I started wearing thick headbands to cover the spots that ate away at my signature curtain bangs, and also took multiple cortisone shots to my head with hopes that it’d grow back. I would look at other girls with their hair in braids and curls and think to myself, “Why doesn’t my hair look like that?” I found myself wishing that one day I would be able to rock the curtain bangs I always resented my mother for making me get. Then, in 2003, my mother was diagnosed with Alopecia, too. I couldn’t help but blame myself—I felt like she got it because of me.
My hair had grown back completely within three years of my first episode, but my Alopecia returned during the summer before 8th grade—a time when everyone was starting to care about their appearance more than ever. About one year after my Alopecia returned, my mother starting to lose so much of her hair that she had to get a wig. She would come to me in tears, feeling like Alopecia had defeated her. Defeated us. It was easier to cope with my disease knowing my mother was going through the same thing. I remember sitting with her when she finally lost all of her hair and eyebrows. I just kept hoping that I would never get to that point—praying I would never become the bald girl in school.
Christa at prom. (Photo: Samantha Faragalli)
I woke up the first day of my senior year in high school ready to embark on the last hurrah before college. Through most of high school, it would take me hours to cover the bald spots all over my head. I would use a dark eye shadow and sit in front of my mirror carefully applying it, while also penciling in my eyebrow hairs one by one. But that morning I had to confront the devastating truth: I wasn’t able to hide my Alopecia anymore.
I sat in the wig store that day with a mass of knots in my stomach. As a cheerleader and well-known girl in school, soon everyone knew the secret I had been hiding for the last nine years. But something surprising happened. As soon as I embraced my new look, my whole life turned around. On prom night my golden-blonde wig was tied into a side ponytail and I was nominated for prom queen. Then I was accepted into my dream pharmacy school. I was beginning a new chapter of my life.
Although I still wear a wig today, I feel like I’ve finally defeated Alopecia. Growing up with this disease has taught me a lot, especially about true beauty. Ever since I started pharmacy school, I feel confident in all that I do and I refrain from allowing others to mock me or bring me down. In fact, Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” has gotten me through every single time I’ve ever felt bad about myself. To any other person who is struggling with a disease that is out of your hands and affects your physical appearance, please know that your looks do not complete you. It’s your confidence and positive attitude that people will respect most about you.
Christa in college now. (Photo: Samantha Faragalli)
When I first had to wear a wig, I stood out as the girl with low self-esteem who was so wrapped up in what everyone else thought of her. Now, I stand out as the girl who wears more confidence than ever, able to share her story with the world in hopes that it will positively impact others dealing with a similar story. If there is one thing I learned from my experience it’s this: I feel happy and beautiful with or without hair.
Related:
The Power of Hair: Lost and Found
