Step Aside, Moustache Haters
By Adam Hurly for Five O’ Clock Magazine
HARNESS THE POWER OF YOUR MO’ TO HANDLE THE HATERS.
Movember is the one month every year during which I am forbidden to visit my nieces.
“Keep that moustache away from my daughters,” my sister will say. Never mind that my father (their grandfather) has a Hulk Hogan Mo’ and still gets full visitation privileges 12 months out of the year. Something about my 30-day Freddie Mercury look has her criticizing my outward efforts to raise funds for Movember: “Please don’t grow another stupid moustache this year. Why not just donate to the cause?”
The cause is noble, of course: together we’ve all raised over $600 million to fight prostate and testicular cancer and mental illnesses. But the donations would be nothing if not for the many men who proudly sprout a ’stache to make themselves poster boys for the cause. I feel like a young infantryman, eager to serve on the front lines alongside my “’Mo Bros” (as they’re officially called). My moustache is my musket, and growing it is the least I can do to honor the fallen and fight for future wellness.
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Is there any better reason to grow out a Sam Elliott-caliber caterpillar? I feel as if I have a moustachioed alter ego, and Movember grants his realization. He flirts a little more, drinks whiskey instead of wine, takes an extra selfie or two knowing that once December strikes, the furry tale is over and he’s back to being a normal guy. He certainly enjoys the added attention, and his intentions are truer than the fully shorn me: all of it—vanity included—is for charity.
My sister is a generous woman, and would be the first one to give money to a noble cause like Movember. A question I have for her: “Why shouldn’t I grow it out?” Her response is that it doesn’t match my personality, that she can’t take me seriously, and (again) that itlooks creepy.
Guys, growing a mustache isn’t creepy when it’s about camaraderie and brotherhood. Some of history’s most famous men—good and bad—have sported moustaches, and it’s nearly always their defining characteristic. The “Genghis Khan” is mighty different from the “Wyatt Earp,” which is leagues away from the “Salvador Dali,” but each is memorable for the confident man who brought it to life.
Related: Grooming Tips from Movember’s Founder, Adam Garone
I’m well aware that a moustache can make one look particularly mischievous or self-gratifying, but Movember gives us permission to wave our Freddie Mercury flag in opposition to cancers that affect one in every 36 men just like me. Those guys are my brothers, and if it means not seeing my nieces for 30 days, so be it. Those brothers need comrades. They need front-line infantrymen. They need confidence, no matter how creepy the vehicle. They need me, and they need you.
Illustration by Tim Lahan. Read more from Five O’ Clock Magazine.
