When a Cashier Protected Me From a Creep at the Grocery Store, This Is What I Learned
“He whispered in my ear, making a comment on my looks. I can still hear the words; I don’t wish to repeat them.” (Photo: Getty Images)
Of all the grocery trips I’ve ever taken in my life, I can remember every detail of only one. It was noontime on a Friday in April 2013. It was raining. I was wearing a black trench coat with a zip-up sweatshirt underneath, along with my black riding boots. My hair was twisted into a topknot, and I was test-driving a new shade of pink lipstick from Sephora.
I remember getting drenched in the rain on the way into the grocery store. I plopped ice cream and lettuce into my cart and went to the checkout line. The cashier had just begun ringing up my items when a man I hadn’t noticed before approached me from behind. He was at least 6 feet 5 inches tall — easily more than twice my size. He whispered in my ear, making a comment on my looks. I can still hear the words; I don’t wish to repeat them.
I smiled ever-so-slightly out of fear and politeness, but I did not address him. He lingered right behind me for several agonizingly long moments as I tried to ignore his towering presence. I looked at the ground.
Finally he whispered in my ear, “Have a good day, ma’am,” and walked away. Except, he didn’t walk away. Instead he backed up slowly to the customer service area. He didn’t get in line; he just watched me intently as the cashier continued to ring up my purchases. My heart sped up, but I was frozen in place. I tried to think of what I should do and if I could reach anyone by phone in the middle of the day.
But the cashier, an older woman with glasses and gray hair, reacted immediately. “What did he just say to you?” she asked. Embarrassed and flustered, I told her. She was the first to tell me that it was completely inappropriate — that I was allowed to be shocked — long before it sunk in.
She kept an eye on the man, slowing ringing up my groceries while I got my dad on the phone. The cashier also watched the man to make sure he did not follow me out of the store to my car.
I don’t know the cashier’s name. But looking back, her kind gesture was the silver lining that day.
And now, a number of women are speaking out about the protective measures they have taken to help them deal with the “quiet” threats they face — harassment that happens so randomly and subtly that we rarely discuss it.
Tumblr user Natnovna shared an experience from her teenage years that has now gone viral: “I was 14 and I was walking through a mall by myself at 12am after my shift at coldstone creamery … and a bunch of men started whistling … they kept asking me questions and i kept not answering until i didn’t know what else to do so I said, ‘I’m only 14’ and almost in unison they said ‘we don’t care,’” she writes. “I was so f***ing scared i didn’t know what to do and they kept talking about how i looked and how my body looked and what they would do. i was on the verge of tears.”
That’s when a female mall maintenance worker came up to the 14-year-old to help with “a huge industrial broom” in hand, yelling at the men in Spanish and threatening to press a “panic button” on her belt. The group of men disbanded, and the woman waited with Natnovna until her mother arrived to pick her up.
“That was the moment i realized women were the most important beings on this planet and we have to protect each other [because] nobody else is going to,” she writes. “She didn’t even know me, we couldn’t even communicate that well because of the language barrier, she could have lost her job for waiting with me in the parking lot but she looked out for me when she didn’t have to, she had nothing to gain from it.”
Many other women have followed suit with stories of their own on social media. Hannah Quinn Horr shared a scary experience of harassment via a screenshot on Facebook: “I was at a club once and my friend left with her boyfriend so I finished my drink and was heading out to the parking lot when three girls came up to me and basically surrounded me,” the post reads. “‘Those guys behind us were talking about you. We can walk with you,’” one of the girls said. “I have MMA training but have never in my life had been offered the protection and sanction of my own gender. This is so important.”
Threats against women happen often, says Karla Ivankovich, PhD, an adjunct professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, Springfield. “This happens far more than what people realize,” Ivankovich tells Yahoo Beauty. “Some research says one in three women will be harassed at some point during their lives. Some say in excess of 50 percent of females will experience this.” And that’s just what we’ve come to call “sexual harassment.” She says threatening behavior is likely more prevalent than what statistics reflect.
Thankfully, more and more women are speaking up about it — and we should. (Of course, there are also many men who will step in, if necessary, and help.)
“Historically, women have been silenced in most matters pertaining to sex, but women are finally willing to have the courageous conversations,” Ivankovich says. “As women have advanced in all facets of life, we are much more willing to be open and honest about our concerns and how to protect one another from potential harm.”
Adds Ivankovich: “I think the greatest actions in life happen when we simply remember the golden rule: Do unto others… We can begin to foster a society where women work toward inclusion of other women, rather than a society where we foster competition at all costs.”
Personally, I’ll always be thankful to that cashier. She noticed a threat and said something — a small gesture that I’ll never forget.
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