Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About This Drake-Meek Mill-Nicki Minaj Nonsense But Were Too Afraid to Ask

Perhaps you've just returned from a long and restful vacation wherein you managed to get off the grid, or maybe you've just been waiting for the cable guy to come fix your Internet for a very long time, so long that you're just a skeleton now. Even still, you've probably heard whispers of a Drake-Meek Mill feud. But maybe you still have questions. If so, we're here to answer them all in excruciating detail. (We will continue to update this story as new disses are dissed.)

Who is Meek Mill?

Wow, OK. That's quite the shady question to lead off with but here we are.

Meek Mill is a rapper who hails from South Philadelphia. His second album, Dreams Worth More Than Money, came out earlier this year and debuted at the number one spot on the Billboard 200 chart.

Drake was one of Meek's earliest supporters. He guested on Meek's Dreamchasers 2 mixtape in 2012 and one year later invited Meek onstage during a show in Philadelphia to perform "Dreams & Nightmares Intro" and "Levels" together.

And how is Nicki Minaj involved?

Drake and Nicki are sort of the rap world's Harry and Sally. Nicki Minaj is currently dating Meek Mill; the two recently released a music video together, which is essentially just assorted footage of them making out.

And Drake and Meek Mill are now feuding?

Yes, that's correct. Meek fired the first shot two weeks ago when he dissed Drake for using ghostwriters on some of his raps.

Meek was apparently mad that Drake had not tweeted in support of Meek's album.

Hold up. So this whole thing started over something Drake didn't tweet?

Yes. Let's all take a second to listen to Drake and Nicki's "Make Me Proud" while we let that sink in.

That song is good. Thank you for reminding me. Anyway, how did Drake respond?

Well, initially, he didn't. For a minute it looked like Meek was gonna walk away from this one with the championship belt.

That night, Meek apologized to Nicki Minaj onstage during a stop on the Pinkprint Tour in Virginia. "I want to give a special apology shout-out to Nicki Minaj for my crazy ass getting all crazy on Twitter," he said.

But then New York hip-hop mainstay Funkmaster Flex jumped into the ring, airing a version of Drake's "10 Bands" recorded by Quentin Miller, reportedly as a reference track for when Drake was recording the version that would go on his mixtape If You're Reading This It's Too Late.

After all this, on July 24, Miller himself responded to Meek and Funkmaster Flex's claims that he was Drake's ghostwriter on Tumblr. "I am not and never will be a 'ghostwriter for Drake," he wrote. "I'm proud to say that we've collaborated .. but I could never take credit for anything other than the few songs we worked on together."

I have no idea whose side I'm supposed to be on.

And that's OK. Things are about to get far more cut and dry. During his initial rant, Meek Mill also weirdly dragged Jay Z into the whole thing.

Any man who puts his girlfriend's friendship with Beyoncé at stake is, without a doubt, a scrub.

What is a scrub?

A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly and is also known as a "busta."

OK, so now Drake is mad?

Yes, now Drake is mad. On Saturday, three days after this whole thing began, Drake released "Charged Up," a diss track about Meek Mill. It's relatively tame, but inspired fans to wear shirts comparing Drake to a fully charged iPhone battery and Meek to one that's about to die at the Toronto stop on the Pinkprint Tour the following Tuesday.

Then, on July 29, Drake dropped another diss track and this one has bite. On "Back to Back," Drake eviscerated Meek Mill, slamming him for serving as one of two opening acts on Nicki Minaj's tour ("Is that a world tour or your girl's tour?") and generally belittling him ("shout to all my boss bitches wifin' n*ggas").

Alright but Meek's diss track is pretty good too right?

Oh you sweet, little innocent waif, you. On July 27, two days after Drake released "Charged Up," Funkmaster Flex promised that Meek would air a response on his show. That track didn't come until three days later on the 30th. It was met with a resounding ˉ\_(ツ)_/ˉ.

"Wanna Know" includes a slightly deranged comparison between Drake and Milli Vanilli and also samples some of Quentin Miller's reference tracks.

It has been played 3 million times on SoundCloud. "Back to Back" has been played 22 million times.

Not to sound like a broken record, but this all started over a tweet?

Well, technically it started over the absence of a tweet, but yeah.

So where are we now?

Meek has gone pretty much silent since the Internet summarily shushed him. But Drake is still at it. Over the weekend at his OVO Fest, Drake wore a "Free Meek Mill" T-shirt, a reference to Meek's two separate jail sentences. Then, onstage, he performed "Back to Back" while a littany of Meek memes flashed behind him.

That Whataburger tweet is particularly brutal.

Yeah.

So what's the craziest part of this whole thing?

This hasn't been bonkers enough for you already?

No, I mean, I just...

No worries. How about this? WWE is now considering suing Meek Mill because he sampled The Undertaker's theme song during "Wanna Know."

And how's Nicki Minaj doing in all this?

Oh, she's great. She released a new perfume and got her first wax figure all in the same day. And she's standing by her man.

UPDATE

Hey, so I've been thinking about this all night and I just can't stop thinking about it: Are there any new developments?

Why yes there are! So glad you asked. Meek Mill has now threatened to give Drake a wedgie. Yes, a wedgie.

What's important is that we all try to remain composed during these volatile times.