32 Cult Classics That Actually Suck
Not every film considered a “classic” today was a hit right out of the gate. Sometimes it takes years for an obscure little movie to find the audience that helps it evolve into something beloved. But they won't be loved by everybody.
I would like to make it clear to any fans of these popular cult classics that I have nothing but respect for your opinion and think it is wonderful that you have found something to enjoy in these films. However, I also hope you can respect the reasons why I would not call any of them favorites of mine.
The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension (1984)
With Multiverse movies all the rage these days, now might be a great time to reboot The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. Some may believe a remake would be a sin, but it might end up making a little more sense than this aggressively — dare I say, egregiously — ridiculous sci-fi adventure.
Barbarella (1968)
Two-time Oscar winner Jane Fonda admitted to 60 Minutes that, for many years, she regretted playing the scantily clad title role of Barbarella. Hopefully, Sydney Sweeney does not feel the same way when she stars in an upcoming remake of the cheesy, borderline X-rated outer space adventure.
Basket Case (1982)
You could argue that Belial — Duane’s horribly deformed, formerly conjoined twin — is one of the unique horror movie villains of the ‘80s, if not ever. You could also argue that the puppet gives the best performance in Basket Case, which still makes writer/director Frank Henenlotter cringe with its “shabbiness,” as he admitted to Westword in 2014.
Billy Jack (1971)
Co-writer, director, and star Tom Laughlin’s follow-up to Born Losers was actually the most popular movie of 1971, with much credit to its decent fight sequences. Yet, Billy Jack’s toughest critics don’t appreciate a seemingly pro-violence message that its preachy execution and snail's pace don't make any easier to swallow.
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Quentin Tarantino told EW his favorite slasher is this horror film with a romantic twist, which is an odd choice to me. Out of all the classic ‘80s slashers, the influential filmmaker picks a horribly acted, nonsensical whodunnit like My Bloody Valentine?
The Boondock Saints (1999)
How the poster for this incomprehensible, purposeless mess of a crime thriller with attempts humor that were already horribly dated became a must-have for college dorm rooms around the world is baffling to me. The best thing I can say about the otherwise popular ‘90s movie The Boondocks Saints is that it made Norman Reedus a cult icon before joining the Walking Dead cast as Daryl Dixon.
Brain Damage (1988)
Writer and director Frank Henenlotter told Future Movies that the plot of Brain Damage — about a murderous alien parasite that provides a loner (Rick Hearst) with euphoric trips straight to the brain stem — symbolizes his struggles with addiction and coping with a breakup. Honestly, his habit at the time explains a lot of why this tasteless creature feature, another Henenlotter film in which the puppet is the best actor, came out the way it did.
Children Of The Corn (1984)
On our list ranking the best Stephen King movies, you will not find the aptly “corny” Children of the Corn. Even John Franklin’s performance as the murderous youngsters’ fanatical leader, Isaac — which some might call the saving grace of director Fritz Kiersch’s original adaptation — gets a little irritating after a while.
Chopping Mall (1986)
A prime example of when “so-bad-it’s-good” becomes “so-bad-it’s-just-really-not-very-good” is producer Roger Corman’s Chopping Mall, starring beloved Scream Queen Barbara Crampton. This “teens vs. mall security robots” schlock-fest is an ‘80s horror movie that could benefit from a remake that better explores its technophobic themes and is not bogged down by a mindless story, wooden dialogue, and unlikable characters.
Dolemite (1975)
Netflix’s Dolemite is my Name proves how much this Blaxploitation favorite meant to co-writer and star Rudy Ray Moore (portrayed in the biopic by Eddie Murphy). However, it also does not shy away from revealing the inexperience of almost everyone involved with Dolemite, even with enough evidence in the finish product with wooden acting, laughably poor editing, and glaring mistakes like visible boom mics.
Event Horizon (1997)
The concept for Paul W.S. Anderson’s cosmic horror flick — a ship designed to travel through dimensional gateways that accidentally took a trip through Hell — is brilliant. Where Event Horizon misses the mark — and star Sam Neill agrees — is a lack of suspense and nuance in favor of gory shock.
Eraserhead (1977)
Out of all of David Lynch’s horror films, his debut feature may be his most definitive work. By that, I mean, Eraserhead is his most irritatingly perplexing and mind-numbingly slow effort even when taking the captivating production design and intriguing metaphor of fatherly insecurities into account.
Faces Of Death (1978)
One of the surefire signs of a bad movie is showing violence for the sake of violence, which describes Faces of Death in a nutshell. The staged scenes in this collection of various depictions of fatal scenarios are tasteless enough, but the inclusion of pre-existing footage showing the aftermath of real deaths — according to The Independent — is a step too far.
Hocus Pocus (1993)
It is easy to understand why Hocus Pocus has become an annual Halloween tradition… for children, at least. Why adults continue ignore some uncomfortable truths about this spooky adventure that is not as funny as it wants to be is harder to understand, unless they are under the Sanderson Sisters’ spell.
Maniac (1980)
If not for Tom Savini’s always brilliant special effects, this mindless, nauseating, suspense-less slasher from co-writer and star Joe Spinell would have nothing going for it. At least Elijah Wood’s 2012 Maniac remake had the unique idea to film everything, literally, through the eyes of the killer.
Masters Of The Universe (1987)
There are some beloved fantasy properties that do not translate to live-action cinema as well as they do when animated, and Masters of the Universe is a good example. There is no denying Dolph Lundgren is the spitting image of He-Man and Frank Langella is hamming it up beautifully as Skeletor, but the childish, cheesy, and even dull content left may have had something to do with Netflix cancelling its reboot.
Pink Flamingos (1972)
The point of writer and director John Waters’ most infamous film is, literally, to watch characters — including drag legend Divine as Babs Johnson — to outdo each other in filthiness, easily earning its NC-17 rating in the process. I’ll spare any lucky, unfamiliar souls the dirty details, but just know I certainly understand Roger Ebert’s hate for Pink Flamingos.
Possession (1981)
Possession is not at all a demonic possession thriller a la The Exorcist, but that is not my source of disappointment with this surreal tale of an unraveling marriage. Isabelle Adjani and Sam Neill’s strong performances and some truly grisly sights cannot save Andrezej Zulawski’s avant garde supernatural feature from feeling like a meandering student film that puts style over substance.
Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
Conceptually (failure to pay for organ replacement is punishable by death) and aesthetically (inventive production design, unique costuming, and nightmarish makeup and gore effects), I might call Repo! The Genetic Opera a success. As a musical experience (employing actors who aren’t the best singers, including Paris Hilton) it might be the most torturous effort from Darren Lynn Bousman, who has four Saw movies under his belt.
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
The fact that Sleepaway Camp is, in essence, no different from other summer horror movies (especially fellow whodunnit Friday the 13th) is not at all why it has aged poorly. That would be the reveal of the killer’s true identity, which — without giving too much away — is dripping with transphobia.
Species (1995)
The concept of the woman of your dreams turning out to be a nightmare from outer space is pretty unsettling. However, Species seems more concerned with objectifying star Natasha Henstridge when she isn’t in her monstrous form.
Office Space (1999)
There are many truly hilarious movies and TV shows from Mike Judge, and I genuinely wish that I considered Office Space to be one of them. Outside of Gary Cole’s scene-stealing performance as Bill Lumbergh, I just don’t find this workplace satire nearly as funny as it must have been when it first came out.
Tank Girl (1995)
The design of the centerpiece war vehicle in this dystopian action-comedy from director Rachel Talalay is on par with anything George Miller dreamed up for the Mad Max movies. I just hope there is more to the eccentric title character from Tank Girl (Lori Petty) in Alan Martin and Jamie Hewlett’s original comic strip than her bizarre fashion sense and some uninspired one-liners as depicted in the adaptation.
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)
The purpose of a prequel is to provide the audience with answers regarding what took place before the events of it predecessor. However, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me does absolutely nothing to fill in any blanks left in David Lynch’s groundbreaking sci-fi TV show and only leaves us more confused.
Volcano (1997)
I sincerely congratulate Volcano for going on to become the more popular eruptive thriller from 1997 over Dante’s Peak. However, the Tommy Lee Jones-led blockbuster about an active volcano underneath L.A. is just another shamelessly cliche-ridden disaster movie no matter how you spin it.
Xanadu (1980)
For as much as we miss the late Olivia Newton-John and cherish the talent she shared with the world, some would say that Xanadu is not among the Grease star’s best work. Even with Gene Kelly in a major role and music from ELO, this musical fantasy suffers drastically from a story completely devoid of logic.
Zardoz (1974)
Writer and director John Boorman recalled to Vulture that the late Sean Connery actually had no issues wearing his character’s very revealing outfit in Zardoz. I suppose if the former James Bond actor was willing to subject himself to that kind of embarrassment, it explains his willingness to lead this uproariously weird and pretentious sci-fi “epic.”
Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark (1988)
When hosting classic horror movie marathons on TV, it seems there is no limit to Cassandra Peterson’s charm and hilarity as the iconic Elvira. However, the spooky character’s self-titled film debut, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, proves that giving her a feature-length platform does not create quite the same effect, especially when the macabre humor gets a little repetitive. Maybe an animated Elvira spin-off would be better?
The Room (2003)
Including The Room on a list of low-quality cult favorites seems a little redundant since the film’s famously low quality is exactly why it is a cult favorite. Consider this merely a friendly reminder that, no matter how much writer, director, producer and star Tommy Wiseau’s debut makes you laugh, just remember that the humor is completely unintentional.
Short Circuit (1986)
Let’s not even bother talking about how American actor Fisher Stevens’ performance as an Indian engineer has contributed Short Circuit’s poor aging. This sci-fi comedy about a robot that suddenly gains sentience was a shallow, predictable mess from the beginning, which is surprising coming from WarGames director John Badham.
Super Troopers (2001)
The beloved comedy Super Troopers is the movie that brought the Broken Lizard troupe into the mainstream, but that’s not something I would call a groundbreaking moment in comedy history, per se. In fact, I suspect it is to blame for the overabundant trend of shamelessly infantile comedies high on raunch and low on heart that dominated the 2000s.
The Toxic Avenger (1984)
One of the strangest superhero movies not based on a comic book is The Toxic Avenger, whose truly disgusting title hero has, essentially, become the mascot for its distribution company, Troma – which specializes in cult favorites. All I can say is that I hope the upcoming superhero movie reimagining this bizarre comedy starring Peter Dinklage is an improvement.
Clearly, my opinions of these cult classics put me in the minority, but that’s okay. As long they are keeping some people, I am happy.
