50 Quotes From "Superstore" That Are Bound To Make You Either Laugh Or Think

Superstore aired on NBC from November 2015 to March 2021. The show follows a group of employees working at "Cloud 9," store number 1217, a fictional big-box store in Missouri.

1.Jonah Simms: “I think it says something about our priorities that we spend so much money on pets when there are literally millions of children without adequate nutrition.”

2.Mateo Liwanag: “It’s just like my mom always said: 'If you don’t work hard, baby Jesus will cry.'”

3.Jonah Simms: “My point is there are people who do nothing and there are people who do something, and I am one of those people: the something group.”

4.Amy Dubanowski: “You know, one second everything’s great, and then you step on some invisible land mine and you’re fighting. Boom!”

5.Mateo Liwanag: “No, I was just trying to beat your story. Sorry, I’m competitive.”

6.Jonah Simms: “If it makes you feel any better, I turned down sex with a hooker for you.”

7.Mateo Liwanag: “There are raises on the line. So sorry, not sorry. I’m not here to make friends.”

8.Cheyenne Lee: “I want to show Bo. He’s never seen me in a video with clothes on.”

9.Mateo Liwanag: “Look, I know you don’t want to hurt me, but not doing this is hurting me. So if you’re really my friend, please, beat the hell out of me.”

10.Amy Dubanowski: “I’m going to unleash crazy Amy. You guys can call me 'Craymie.'”

11.Mateo Liwanag: “I’ve been busting my butt trying to show you I’m a good worker, but you have your head so far up your own butt you haven’t noticed.”

12.Mateo Liwanag: “If we’re talking about truth bombs, well, take shelter, ’cause I’m about to make it rain.”

13.Dina Fox: “I’m a Christian, too, but in these four walls, my Bible is the employee code of conduct.”

14.Amy Dubanowski: “Aaaah, da wittle panda finks he fought of somefing!”

15.Cheyenne Lee: “I can’t be a single mom. I have never even driven on the highway before. What if the baby needs to go downtown?”

16.Amy Dubanowski: “We can’t just live our lives afraid to offend someone. I think that we, you know, as a society, we need to just lighten up a little bit.”

17.Jonah Simms: “He looks like a panda and a Disney princess had a baby.”

18.Amy Dubanowski: "Tomorrow is just gonna be just like today, and I know that because today is just like yesterday."

19.Dina Fox: “Some people like to hunt elk or deer. I hunt people. And your head is going on my wall.”

20.Dina Fox: “The idea of carrying your child makes me wanna put a bullet through my uterus.”

21.Dina Fox: “Why isn’t there a setting that hurts people?”

22.Glenn Sturgis: “We are living in a brave, new, MeToo, Time’s Up, This Is Us kind of world. There are no rules anymore. But also, there’s nothing but rules.”

23.Garrett McNeill: "No, I am not high-fiving one man over another man's orgasm."

24.Glenn Sturgis: “I used to end these meetings with some wisdom from the Good Book, but then someone reported me to corporate.”

25.Garrett McNeill: "What? A corporation doing something unethical to protect its interests? This is shocking!"

26.Amy Dubanowski: “Yeah, see, Latino parents are different. We don’t really need our kids to like us. We just break their spirit so the world doesn’t.”

27.Dina Fox: “I’m just saying what I feel, and people do not like what they’re hearing. I am a strong cup of coffee.”

28.Glenn Sturgis: “Some people might find your voice, octave-wise, to be the teeniest, tiniest bit high.”

29.Garrett McNeill: "It'll never be said that Garrett McNeill did not do just enough to not get fired."

30.Garrett McNeill: "Cloud 9 is now closed."

31.Dina Fox: “I cannot physically touch you, but I can get very close.”

32.Dina Fox: “Is it true that the Olympic Village is basically just a three-week-long Slammerama?”

33.Dina Fox: “A psychopath doesn’t have a conscience. A sociopath knows what he’s doing is wrong but does it anyway.”

34.Dina Fox: “You are a journalist and a rapist, and those are the two worst things any person can be.”

35.Dina Fox: “Nobody bothers with the surveys. People only use receipts to spit out gum and for murder alibis."

36.Dina Fox: “Look, you’re like the old paper coupons. You’re kind of a nuisance but arguably served a purpose, and now you’re useless.”

37.Amy Dubanowski: “Welcome to the no options club. It’s a cool club. Most of America’s in it. We meet on Tuesdays.”

38.Amy Dubanowski: “Strawberry blondes should not be allowed to grow facial hair. That should be in our constitution.”

39.Mateo Liwanag: “There are raises on the line. So sorry, not sorry. I’m not here to make friends.”

40.Cheyenne Lee: “I didn’t set out to have a baby. It came from sex.”

41.Amy Dubanowski: “We’re all becoming narcissistic attention whores!”

42.Glenn Sturgis: “Balloons are like our souls. They want to go up, but can’t, and when you pop them, they scream.”

43.Glenn Sturgis: “God doesn’t make mistakes very often, but when he does, you have to throw them right in the trash.”

44.Glenn Sturgis: “Turns out they had a meth lab in their basement, which, turns out, was just a front for a dog fighting ring."

45.Glenn Sturgis: “Just want to let you know, I know names besides Steve.”

46.Garrett McNeill: “Yo, I don’t like working here. OK. But it’s my job. I do the bare minimum, but I don’t do less than that. And I’m not about to let a bunch of deal-hungry rubes trash our store and make me feel bad for Dina, which I did not think was possible.”

47.Glenn Sturgis: “People assume all Christians are homophobes. You know that is ignorant. You can’t imagine how hard it is being stereotyped.”

48.Garrett McNeill: “I can’t be around Dina in that costume. It’s like, my rational brain says that’s the same crazy fascist that physically removed gum from my mouth, but my caveman brain says, 'Hey, man, boobs.' It’s very confusing.”

49.Glenn Sturgis: “Could it be a race riot? It’s so hard to tell in the early stages.”

50.Glenn: "You know, Mateo, it's funny. You're undocumented, and I'm over 60, and America doesn't want either of us to work anymore." Mateo: "Right, but I'm under constant fear of deportation, and you get discounts at movie theatres."