8 Things "The Ultimatum" Got Right, And 8 It Got So, So Wrong
The Ultimatum is Nick and Vanessa Lachey's newest "social experiment" reality dating show on Netflix, and it's a delightful mess.
Couples who have issued each other ultimatums on getting married sign up to essentially trade partners for three weeks, then get back with each other to reevaluate their relationship.
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But in spite of all the mess, the show did actually get some things right.
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1.Right — Opening up participants' eyes to the other kinds of people out there whose goals and communication style might match theirs.
The truth is, a lot of the participants on The Ultimatum weren't suited for each other. Whether it was a disconnect in their communication styles or plans for the future, some couples would probably never be able to work it out. There are things that can't be compromised, and sometimes, you need to see what else is out there to believe that it exists. Rae and Jake did bring out the best in each other, and even though they didn't end up together, they showed each other what a different relationship could look like and in turn made them want more for themselves.
2.Wrong — Lauren and Nathan skirting the challenge without talking about their issues.
Nathan following in Alexis and Hunter's footsteps and proposing to Lauren instead of choosing a new partner was pretty frowned upon by the other participants, especially April, who was outspoken about how she didn't agree with their decision. After everyone had heard about their issues — Nathan wanting to start a family and Lauren being unsure about having kids — it felt wrong to watch them move towards marriage without really working through that issue. Especially since moments before the proposal, Nathan was telling Madlyn he wanted to pick her and seemed to want April to pick him.
3.Right — Showcasing the humanity of the participants and not making anyone a "villain" in production.
Of course, like any other reality show, plenty of footage is cut out, and editing is done in a way to make things more exciting, but pretty much everyone on the show got a chance to show both their good sides and bad sides. While everyone has their own opinions, it seems the production team took some care in showcasing the humanity of everyone on the show and letting viewers make up their minds about them without influencing it too much.
4.Wrong — Not having therapists or love coaches help the participants through their issues.
In shows like Netflix's Too Hot to Handle, singles participate in group workshops with love coaches to confront their issues and find resolutions. Even if the challenges sounded cheesy at first, they often had surprising results. That would have been a great help for the participants on The Ultimatum, but rather than take a page from Too Hot to Handle's book, they seemed to take a more Bachelor-inspired approach, aka supplying participants with copious amounts of alcohol and letting the drama unfold.
5.Right — Forcing couples to live together before getting married.
You don't know if you can truly spend your life with someone without having a trial of living together. It can be said that you don't really know a person without living with them, because people are their truest selves at home, and the issues that arise when you live with a person can make or break a relationship.
6.Wrong — Allowing cheating to occur outside of the experiment.
Unforeseen problems arose when Jake found out that April had been sharing her Instagram with guys she met at the club. It was even worse when Madlyn found out that Colby had been meeting girls at the club, hooking up with them, and texting them. When everyone signed up for this show, they knew that their partners would be living with other participants and possibly forming a relationship with them, but they didn't really sign up for this outside cheating that had the potential to damage their trust in a major way.
7.Right — Randall's refusal to take his physical relationship with Madlyn to the next level.
Madlyn was vocally upset about how Randall wouldn't have sex with her, but he didn't want to taint the relationship they were working on with each other and their relationships with their actual partners, saying that "love isn't always a physical thing." It was a mature approach that showed that he respected his partner, his trial marriage partner, and the experiment.
8.Wrong — Encouraging excessive drinking.
I get it: Drunk people make good TV. Plenty of insider accounts from former producers of reality shows like The Bachelor reveal that keeping the drinks flowing on a reality TV set is done to get participants to loosen their inhibitions and get more reactive. But how exactly did all these nights out propel these participants forward? It only created more problems, both internally between participants, like Shanique and Madlyn when Madlyn was a little too open about how attracted she was to Randall, and externally when some participants flirted and hooked up with people who weren't a part of the experiment.
9.Right — Jake letting go of April.
April was very clear about what she wanted from Jake, and unfortunately, he couldn't give it to her. While it hurt her to see him grow so close with someone else while her experience was different, she accepted that she had signed up for it. She still believed in their future together, and while he could have strung her along, he chose to let her go, knowing that he couldn't provide what she wanted. In the reunion, April seemed happy in her new relationship and like she was getting her needs met, and that was a relief to see.
10.Wrong — Colby turning a proposal into a surprise wedding.
I think most of us (including Madlyn's friends) did not see her ending up with Colby in an engagement, let alone a marriage. She shocked us when she said yes to his proposal, and he shocked us by upping the ante and asking her to marry him then and there. It felt forced and maybe even manipulative, especially considering how shaky things were between them only days prior.
11.Right — Zay and Rae separating.
Zay and Rae may have had a lot of love for each other, but they didn't belong together. It was clear that both of them had needs that the other person couldn't meet emotionally. Zay's troubled upbringing left him with abandonment issues and a need for constant security, but his reactive nature made Rae feel uncomfortable opening up to him. Of course, they had other issues, but their lack of communication and compromise was the most apparent thread that unraveled everything else.
12.Wrong — Lack of intervention from producers when a domestic dispute occurred.
In a disturbing scene, Ray and Zae have a heated argument after Rae tells Zay she doesn't want to get engaged anymore, and in response, he goes out all night and turns his location off. Rae repeatedly tells Zay to leave her alone when he returns home, but he doesn't listen. Later, Rae apologizes for punching him. While they didn't actually air that escalated altercation, it seems they didn't intervene to prevent it from happening, and they probably could have.
13.Right — Accepting that the outcome of "marry or move on," like the show's title suggests, is not realistic.
While Randall did initially propose to Shanique, they ended up calling it off and taking a break. But the break proved to be a good thing, because they are back together and stronger than ever, as they tell us in the reunion. Not being ready for marriage doesn't mean a couple isn't solid or shouldn't be together, and Nick and Vanessa didn't seem to be disappointed in Randall and Shanique's choice to take a step back from their engagement.
14.Wrong — Participants comparing their relationships to others', because no two relationships are the same.
On the flipside, it was apparent that seeing other couples flourish left some participants insecure. There was definitely a flash of jealousy in a few participants' eyes when Hunter proposed to Alexis, and April even joked, "Jake, you better be next." And when Madlyn showed up pregnant at the reunion, it seemed like Alexis was jealous, and that maybe she wasn't the only one. It was striking to see that the initial couple that stirred up jealousy might now be experiencing that jealousy themselves, and proved that it's unfair to compare your relationship to another relationship because things aren't always what they seem.
15.Right — Rae not blaming Shanique for Zay's dishonesty about their physical relationship.
In the reunion, we learn that Shanique and Zay had sex while in their trial marriage. Zay apparently didn't tell Rae about this, and "flipped out" whenever Rae hung out with Shanique as they developed a friendship after filming ended. Shanique was honest with Randall, and at the reunion, Rae said she wasn't mad at Shanique because it wasn't her place to tell her, and that Zay should have been honest.
16.Wrong — Preying on participant's insecurities.
Let's be real: the biggest issue most couples on the show had was concerning starting a family. Lauren and Nathan wanted different things, as did April and Jake, and April was vocal about her issues with fertility. During the reunion, Nick even goes as far as to ask Nathan if he's jealous of the experience that Madlyn and Colby are having.