Bachelor Nation’s Abigail Harbinger Talks Memoirs, Diversity and How She Feels About Her Disability (EXCLUSIVE)
Bachelor Nation’s Abigail Heringer made history as the first-ever deaf contestant on both The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. Now, she’s ready to put down the roses and report on her experience as “The Deaf Girl.”
FIRST recently had the chance to sit down with Abigail and discuss her new memoir — The Deaf Girl, how she and her fiance, Noah, are doing and what she really thinks about the show's newest push for diversity. Keep scrolling for more.
First For Women: What made you want to write this memoir? Why is publishing it so important to you?
Abigail Heringer: To be honest, I never really envisioned writing a book. That was just never something that was a goal of mine. Then I went through the show The Bachelor, and that's how I gained my following. And it was through that show that I realized that there was just such a lack of representation.
You know, growing up with a hearing loss and a cochlear implant, I didn't have a lot of representation, but I think I just kind of accepted it. Then, going through the show, I saw just how many questions people had or just a lot of expressions of “thank you for sharing your story. I have a very similar one.”
Once I saw all of that come in, my mom and I were just trying to figure out what we could do that's good with this. We landed on the idea of writing a book and combining her experiences as a parent who's navigating a disability for the first time with my experience as a disabled woman in the hopes of creating an environment where people feel less alone when they're going through the challenges with a hearing loss.
I’m just trying to combine those experiences into one fun, easy, motivating, positive book.
FFW: How was the writing process? Was there one thing that surprised you about it?
Abigail Heringer: It was a lot of work. I knew it would be a lot of work going into it, but it took us about three years, just because we had to figure out the direction of the book we wanted to go in. So that took some time.
Then, once I realized I wanted to bring my mom onto the project, we had an amazing ghost writer who helped us put all these words together. Naturally, I'm not a writer, but really, it just felt like therapy.
My mom and I would sit down for a couple of hours every single week and just unpack everything we went through from the very beginning all the way through. So it was a really fun experience. There were a lot of stories I didn't even really know about until my mom kind of walked me through everything. It was really eye-opening just to see everything that she sacrificed and went through.
I also kind of just unpacked a lot of stuff that I forgot about, that happened in high school and college that I blocked out, and then I had to relive it a little bit. So it was definitely an emotional journey writing it, but it was very, very rewarding
FFW: What is one thing you want readers to take away from this book?
Abigail Heringer: I think the biggest thing is it's a little ironic. The book is called The Deaf Girl, but there's a reason why I named it that.
I think it is a lot bigger than just hearing loss. It really just has to do with disability, a sense of identity, just something I really struggled with. Also, just pushing too far away from my label as the deaf girl, because I did not want to be known as that.
I didn't want people to feel like a burden around people with my disability, and so I really just want people to take away that it's possible to be two things. You know, you can have your disability, but you also have your own sense of self and how you balance both of those.
So, really, the goal of the book was to just let people know that their disability does not define them; rather, it's a part of them that should be celebrated.
FFW: Are there any books that inspired you to write this memoir? Are there any that helped you write it?
Abigail Heringer: The only other book that I have read that was kind of similar was Nyle DiMarco’s book [Deaf Utopia: A Memoir ― and a Love Letter to a Way of Life] . He's the deaf model from America’s Top Model.
It’s an amazing story. Reading it really just opened my eyes up because we are both deaf, but we are in very different deaf communities. He uses sign language and I use vocal communication.
It was really just eye-opening to see somebody who has the same disability as I do, but has a very different life and experience. So I think that really kind of prompted me to want to kind of write a story with my perspective, in hopes that it can teach people a little bit more awareness and how to be an ally to our community. So, his book was a really good starting point.
FFW: You were the first deaf person in ‘Bachelor Nation’. How does that feel? Do you wish the franchise featured a more diverse cast?
Abigail Heringer: It was definitely a scary role to step into, just because I was more scared how the show would handle my disability.
I am just not a very vocal person at the time when it came to my disability and the accommodations I needed, so I really didn't know what I was walking into. I didn’t know if they would be kind and understanding or if it would just be, like, “You’ve got to keep up. Sorry. You know you missed this, too bad” kind of thing. They really exceeded my expectations in that way.
In terms of diversity for the show, I think they are doing a better job of telling more diverse stories and casting more diverse people. I still think they have a ways to go on how they approach certain stories and edits and whatnot, just because it teeters a fine line between being diverse and then tokenizing. That's where I kind of go back and forth with the show just a little bit.
FFW: How are you and Noah doing? Is there anything you can share about your engagement?
Abigail Heringer: We're doing really well. We're getting married next month, so just trying to coordinate that with the book tour and the wedding, it's been a very busy season for both of us. We're renovating our house in Tulsa as well, so we're definitely in our grinding era. We are just working and working, but we are doing really, really well.
All the big [wedding] stuff is planned; I have an amazing wedding planner. She's been my saving grace through all this, because the wedding industry is just a whole other ball game. So she's been amazing. And then we’ve just got to get the book tour out of the way next week, and then we’ve got to do all the small stuff, and it will be here before we know it
I am so looking forward to this holiday season. I just want to relax on my couch and not do anything. I just want to take a break from talking. My social battery is going to be exhausted after the book tour and the wedding. I was, like, I don't want to talk to anyone for a month. I just want to watch my TV show and have nothing on my list.
FFW: You mentioned your book tour. How are you preparing for that?
Abigail Heringer: Honestly, just in terms of planning, it was a lot of work coordinating where we wanted to go and how we wanted to spend our time.
We landed on picking schools that I actually had connections to. So that was the planning process behind it, and then we really just got the word out, if there are any families or people interested in the area, just trying to make them aware of the events happening.
I'm definitely nervous — just all the eyes and everything. I've been out of the scene for a little bit, so it's just kind of gearing up for that. It's definitely nerve-wracking, but I'm excited.
Presley Ann / Stringer/Getty
FFW: What message do you want to give to people about the deaf community and hearing loss?
Abigail Heringer: I think one aspect that I really hope people take away from it is, even though hearing loss is one type of disability, there's just so many different experiences and stories, and it looks different for everybody, and that's something that we tried to cover.
My sister, who's a year and a half older, also has profound hearing loss and has a cochlear implant. She and I have the exact same journey, but we could not be more different in how we handle our disability, our personality, everything, and so really just emphasizing that you might see someone on one path, but you might not be on the same path; that's not good or bad. It's really just your own journey with your own disability. I’m really just trying to encourage people to embrace what makes me different at the end of the day.
FFW: You’ve always been very honest about getting a cochlear implant. How was that journey for you?
Abigail Heringer: That decision was actually made for me by my mom just because I was born profoundly deaf.
My sister and I were the only two people in our family who were deaf. It was a gene mutation that caused our hearing loss; it wasn't passed down And everyone in our community spoke. Nobody knew sign language, and cochlear implants were a very new thing.
My sister was the youngest one in Oregon to get a cochlear implant, so it was a choice that my mom made. She just felt the opportunities made the most sense with our circumstances. At the time, it was emphasized that if you go the cochlear implant route, you need to be working on your verbal speech all the time. You need to wear your processor, take in the sound and practice your speech. So, we were actually encouraged only to communicate vocally. But now it's a little bit different.
They encourage both vocal and ASL [American Sign Language], but at that point, I had just gone through my whole life not ever having to learn or rely on sign language. It's a really fun language to learn, and it's a really interesting community, though it’s very hard. It's the whole sentence structure; you kind of have to rewire your brain to do it. So I have a lot of respect for people who use sign language.
FFW: Finally, what’s next for you? More books, back to the beach? What?
Abigail Heringer: Definitely not going back to the beach. We might encourage Noah's brother because he went through the last season. But Noah and I are good on the beachfront.
Honestly, we are just so excited to get married and keep working on our house and bringing people along who want to follow along those adventures.
In terms of another book, I think this was a very draining process writing this book. I enjoyed it. I am very proud of it. Do I have it in me to do another one right now? The answer is no. I want to see how this one goes. But who knows, down the road, possibly. But as of now, no plans.
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