Breaking Down the Fits in the Jonas Brothers' New 'Sucker' Cover Art
Call your parents and have them FedEx you those posters you bought at Sam Goody in 2005, because The Jonas Brothers are back-and they're fricken adults, baby.
Our favorite formerly abstinent teens made a splash today when they revealed something huge on Instagram. No, I'm not talking about Nick's pastel pink bulge. I'm talking about a new single, and it's called "Sucker." Fresh off his marriage to Priyanka Chopra, Nick is front and center, flanked brothers Joe and Kevin. Joe's engaged to Sophie Turner-nice! Kevin is...well honestly I don't know shit about Kevin, except that in the photo for their new single, he's trying really hard not to look at the camera.
Speaking of the cover art, these guys are wearing some extremely loud fits. When you're able to drag your vision away from Nick's crotch (seriously, what is he telling his tailor these days?), you'll notice these boys men looking like Pitti Peacocks arriving at their cigar club's bi-weekly bowling tournament. Let's break down each brother's look, and see if there isn't something we can learn from each of them.
Nick Jonas
Keeping the conversation below the belt with Mr. Chopra here, I must say, Nick's pants are an early favorite for MVP (Most Visible Penis). They aren't entirely loud, all things considered, and that's what makes them great. It's hard to pull off pink pants without looking like a John Daly fever dream (he's a golfer; Google it), and the typically stylish Nick shows here how to make it work. The tab front pants from designer Prabal Gurung offer a bit of elegance, and going belt-less might not seem advanced, but you'd be surprised how many guys shy away from it. If you don't need a belt, don't use one, and if Nick's fit doesn't do it for you, please look at this photo of Ryan Gosling in Cannes. Nick's polo is also fantastic. Only its core color intuitively pairs with the pink pants, but the added notes of yellow and red add a mismatched vibe that's so crazy it actually works. Jokes aside, everything Nick's wearing is tailored to him quite well, and in a time where fits are getting looser and looser, Nick's fit is keeping slim relevant.
Kevin Jonas
No, that's not Beyoncé (although she did set the bar very high for this exact Dries Van Noten wave print shirt when she wore it in an Instagram post last month). That's Kevin Jonas, often referred to as "hot now," wearing an LSD tab of an outfit there. The shirt is Dries, but the pants (like Nick's, and his brother Joe's whole fit for that matter) are from Prabal Gurung, who shared his excitement on Twitter shortly after the cover dropped.
I'm not gonna lie: Whereas Nick and Joe's looks are probably ranked first and second here in regard to civilian wearability, Kevin takes home the award for Best All-Around Sauce. He's wearing a shirt Beyoncé wore for god's sake; that takes balls. What he lacks in fame, he makes up for in orange, yellow, and blue. He may not have a Vogue cover in his future, but don't count him out for a feature on Dilfs of Disneyland.
Joe Jonas
Last but not the least bit subtle is middle brother Joe, who's been off on his own as a member of DNCE the past few years while also maintaining a relationship with Sansa Stark. At first glance, I thought maybe Joe was wearing pajamas, which only would have made this better. I don't hate this fit at all, but a lot of dudes will scoff at it as "matchy-matchy" or "too high-wasted." It might be a little Mar-a-Lago for my personal tastes, but all things considered it does look comfy as hell. So maybe they aren't pajamas, but by the look in his eye and the silkiness of that shirt, I'm sure he could fall asleep in it. What I like most about Joe's look is the oversized collar on the shirt. Actually, all three JoBros have pretty large collars going on here, which is quintessential Summer of Sleaze and verging on the border of Big Lewbowski Goes to a Theme Park. It's luxury and it's leisure and I love it. Joe also went belt-less-so, respect, my guy.
So what can we learn from this here "Sucker" art? Well, first and foremost it's that if you're launching a comeback, you best not tread lightly. The bros went whole-ass with their look for the big return, and I've got nothing but respect for that. Nick has taught us that pink pants don't have to be loud, and in his case, can reveal the size of cojones it takes to wear them with confidence. Kevin shows that even though Bey always did it better, you can look half decent trying. And Joe proved that wearing designer pajamas outside isn't reserved for washed-up models. Collectively, what we have here is the biggest style flex in Jonas Brothers history.
"Sucker" drops at Midnight ET, and from what I can tell from this cover art, it's fit to be played at maximum volume.
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