Ranking Every Thanksgiving Episode Of "Modern Family" By How Much It Fed My Soul
Solid sitcom holiday episodes are few and far between, especially when it comes to Thanksgiving. Friends managed to nail a few trifling Turkey Day tales, and no true fan could forget HIMYM's Slapsgiving stories. But Modern Family is one series that consistently cooked up delicious Thanksgiving episodes.
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So, in honor of Hennifer the Chicken and Mr. Goat (two fallen Thanksgiving episode soldiers), here's my ranking of Modern Family's Thanksgiving episodes, from tasty to downright delectable.
Honorable mention: “Did the Chicken Cross the Road?” (Season 10, Episode 7)
Despite being identified on Fandom as a Thanksgiving episode, the only thing that indicates “Did the Chicken Cross the Road?” is a holiday episode of any sort is its timing. That being said, it deserves an honorable mention for an impeccable aviary appearance from Princess Layer/Egg Ryan/Chicky Minaj/Hennifer the Chicken, who unites Mitch and Cam over their new not-quite-country, not-quite-city tastes. Also, Phil was accidentally a spy for the Soviet Union in high school...the end, except for the whole Haley/Dylan thing, which may be a topic to tackle in a Christmas episode ranking.
Watch it on Peacock.
6.“Punkin Chunkin” (Season 3, Episode 9)
It’s the Pritchetts vs. their optimistic partners in Modern Family’s very first Thanksgiving episode — seriously, how did we make it through three seasons without one? Manny is making bad abstract art, Mitchell can’t take Cam’s stories seriously, and Josh Gad is guest starring as a multimillionaire thanks to his handy motto, “WWPDD” (What Would Phil Dunphy Do?). Phil is convinced Claire is the reason the Real Head Scratcher? and all his other inventions never took off (personally, a rice pudding franchise sounds promising to me), and Gloria is doing enough coddling for the entire family. While “Punkin Chunkin” isn’t the delicious feast that “Phil’s Sexy, Sexy House” is, the overall sentiment that the dreamers and the realists need one another certainly feeds my soul. Plus, much like “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Phil Dunphy” (Season 9, Episode 5), a giant pumpkin stunt makes this heartwarming episode worth the watch.
Watch it on Peacock.
5.“Thanksgiving Jamboree” (Season 8, Episode 7)
Everyone’s got an angle in this farm-animal-filled episode. For some highly suspicious reason, Cam has been allowed to throw an elaborate holiday hoedown, piglets and all. Jay’s strapped to a heart monitor that lets everybody know just how stoked he is to drink wine out of a mason jar. Claire’s playing detective, and Phil is on defense after realizing just how much he’s bothered by Haley’s new boyfriend (his ex-best friend and one of Modern Family’s best guest stars, Nathan Fillion). Everyone’s upset, which culminates in the loss of Fizbo, a sweet innocent goat, and the near-loss of a smelly divorce lawyer — also, Alex cannot seem to stop hooking up with high school boys (ick). What this episode is missing in literal turkey it makes up for in appropriate family drama and cute, country-ish costumes.
Watch it on Peacock.
4.“The Last Thanksgiving” (Season 11, Episode 7)
It’s the last Thanksgiving, and pretty much everyone is in rough shape. Haley offers to cover cooking duties this year and has to call backup in the form of Alex’s freaky new chef boyfriend. Mitch and Cam split up to tackle their to-do list and find out what it would be like if they got a divorce (spoiler alert: bad for Mitchell). Claire is regretting her retirement, and Phil is learning that Jay does NOT regret flying a model airplane into his face 10 years ago. “The Last Thanksgiving” is filled with full-circle moments (and Jay flawlessly flying a plane through a circle), but it lacks the gut-punchingly sad sentiment of some of the other holiday episodes in the show’s final season (don’t even get me started on Christmas). It also weirdly lacks Lily?
Watch it on Peacock.
3.“Three Turkeys” (Season 6, Episode 8)
Return of the Real Head Scratcher?! In yet another oddly sexy Thanksgiving episode, Phil’s got a practically pornographic AI cooking coach walking him through his first holiday in charge of The Turkey — and surprise, surprise, he’s getting a bit too hot in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Mitch and Cam are facing some family strife, and Jay and Gloria have abandoned the family entirely, holed up at their house but pretending to be in Mexico. It’s a chaotic culinary whodunit that culminates in the appearance of not one, not two, but in true titularly appropriate fashion, three turkeys. This episode is delectable all the way down to Haley’s crisis over Manny’s languishing crush on her. If you need any more reason to revisit it, you certainly can’t miss Phil referring to his robot chef as a “randy little redcoat.”
Watch it on Peacock.
2.“Phil’s Sexy, Sexy House” (Season 7, Episode 7)
What would be the best Thanksgiving episode in all of Modern Family history is, to its ultimate detriment for this ranking, barely about the holiday at all. In the aftermath of a Thanksgiving leftovers lunch, we learn that Phil is in charge of listing the Sexiest House in the World, and everybody wants in on the remote-controllable action. Haley heads over to cover her tracks after what sounds like the bubble bath of a lifetime and, of course, runs into Andy *swoon* (sidebar to say I’m tentatively stoked to see this electric pair reunite for Bumper in Berlin). Claire sets out to patch things up with Phil after her (justified) meltdown over the bubble bath she didn’t get to take because the tub was filled with oily ducks — yeah, this is the duck season. Cam and Mitch, feeling insecure about their ice trays, decide to throw themselves a dance party only to be interrupted by Luke, who is sadly not there to hook up (not for lack of trying, though). And poor Phil just wants to use the owner of the Sexy House’s high tech VR gaming system to play knock-off World of Warcraft. Ultimately, we get an all-too-rare appearance of roleplaying Phil and Claire, complete with what appears to be Claire’s repurposed Wonder Woman costume, and *spoiler alert* the long-awaited run-and-jump-first-kiss of Haley and Andy (Handy?), making the most non-Thanksgiving episode on this list also one of the best.
Watch it on Peacock.
1.“Winner Winner Turkey Dinner” (Season 9, Episode 7)
It’s Jay’s turn to host Thanksgiving, and this year, everyone’s a winner… or are they? Nine seasons in, we learn Jay gives an annual toast shouting out one family member who’s made him extra proud that year (I’ll buy it), but this year, both of his kids and their partners have accomplished exceptional things. Cam cheated to win a big football game, Mitchell nunchucked himself in the face and framed it as a break-in, Claire unintentionally took a shortcut to win the Turkey Trot, and Phil’s claustrophobia has struck once again, leaving him to face the possibility of being rendered an open air magician. This episode has it all: deception, World War II-era costumes, and a small child giving a historically inaccurate speech about the meaning of Thanksgiving. We also get a hard-to-swallow reminder that Jay is, for all his charms, still just a problematic old white man. But on the brighter side, we get to see Phil, the only real winner in the Dunphy-Pritchett family, in a tuxedo. Overall, “Winner Winner Turkey Dinner” is a true feast for the senses, making it the winner of this ranking.
Watch it on Peacock.
Forever missing you, Modern Family! Especially around this time of year... BUT every episode is available to stream on Peacock.
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