‘Frankie Freako’ Review: Three Weird Little Guys Help a Square Get Freaky in a Throwback Celebration of Goblin Hedonism
Conor Sweeney (conveniently played by Conor Sweeney) is a lot of things, but “freaky” is not one of them. He desperately wants to get promoted at his generic office job, but his boss thinks his presentations about sector subdivisions are too bland — even though Conor worried they were too flashy because he occasionally uses red text. His idea of an adventurous dinner is a pizza with half cheese, half other cheese. And when his inexplicably gorgeous wife Kristina (Kristy Woodworth) makes efforts to seduce him, the farthest he’s willing to go is holding hands for a few seconds.
All of which is to say that if there was ever a person destined to patronize a pay-by-the-minute phone line advertising wild partying and general freakiness, it’s Conor. Our schlubby hero might have been satisfied with his quiet existence, but pleas to act less bland from everyone else in his life prompt him to wonder if there’s a better way. Enter Frankie Freako, a goblin-like creature who appears in late-night TV commercials promising a freaky time to anyone who can tune out the hypnotic synthesizer music long enough to call the number on their screen and invite him to freak with them.
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If you’re already irritated by how often this review has used variations of the word “freaky,” I have two things to tell you. 1.) It’s not going to get better, and 2.) “Frankie Freako” probably isn’t the movie for you. But if you’ve found any of it remotely charming, then Steven Kostanski’s latest film might be the exact blend of throwback comedy and impressive practical effects that you didn’t know you needed. A solid 40% of the film’s humor hangs on how fun it is to watch people doing freaky things while they point out how freaky they are. Whether that’s a feature or a bug is ultimately in the eye of the beholder.
When Kristina goes away for the weekend, Conor takes the leap and makes the freakiest phone call of his life. He doesn’t fully know what to expect, as the TV spot showed little more than a static shot of Frankie chilling out in front of the camera. And when he wakes up the next morning, he’s not sure if anything actually happened — until he walks into a trashed kitchen and is confronted by three of these goblins who present him with Polaroid evidence of a wild night of partying he’s already forgotten. While some lurid details will remain under the cloak of secrecy, suffice it to say that multiple hot dogs were consumed.
Mortified by the state of his home and the barbarity these goblins pushed him toward, Conor decides he wants them out of his life forever. After all, he really needs to get to the office to help his boss shred some incriminating documents. But the Freakos — who were only freed from an inter-dimensional purgatory created by their own white-collar overlords when Conor dialed the number — have no interest in going back and waiting another eternity for a sad sack to request their services. With the unwanted guests determined to stand their ground, Conor is forced to put his newfound freakiness to the ultimate test by teaming up with them to save their universe and put the house back together before Kristina returns.
When he’s not directing films, Kostanski is an accomplished FX makeup artist who has worked on everything from “Pacific Rim” to “Star Trek: Discovery.” His directorial work wholeheartedly embraces the joys of old-school practical effects, with the understanding that genre audiences are showing up to see his creatures as much as anything else. “Frankie Freako” was always destined to live and die by its creature design, and Kostanski’s hilarious coterie of rubbery ghouls more than rise to the challenge of carrying a feature film on their miniature shoulders. Evocative of lovable ’80s monsters like the Gremlins and Ghoulies while still emitting their own distinctly freaky flair, they prove to be irresistible companions who never wear out their welcome during the film’s 85-minute run time.
Kostanski’s knack for practical effects comes in handy in quite a few other places, too, from a minecart chase through the freaky dystopia on the other side of the phone line to a very gluey accident involving Conor’s boss. And while the film clearly plays as an homage to the kinds of kid-friendly, horror-adjacent comedies that ruled the ’80s, its charming commitment to a premise whose asininity borders on trolling makes “Frankie Freako” a distinctly 21st century product. It might not be the best film you see in October, but it very well may end up being the one that makes you smile the most. With any luck, you’ll walk out of the theater so happy that you won’t be duped into calling any dangerous phone numbers from hedonistic goblins looking to prey on your ennui.
Grade: B
“Frankie Freako” screened at Fantastic Fest 2024. Shout! Studios will release it in theaters on Friday, October 4.
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