Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos Declares She 'Can't Keep Going on Like This' — and Receives a Visit from an Ex

"These are big, big, big feelings and I'm pushing them down," the mom of four said on the Oct. 2 episode of 'The Golden Bachelorette'

Life in Bachelor Mansion has started to grate on some of the men of The Golden Bachelorette.

Gary opened the Oct. 2 episode by complaining about not getting enough sleep, so later, he and Charles L. went to fetch some melatonin and earplugs for the guys.

Despite not doing any of the cooking or cleaning in the house, Pascal scored Joan Vassos’s first one-on-one date of the week.

“He’s hot,” Joan, 61, said in an on-camera interview of why she picked the 69-year-old salon owner for the date. “I think he’s very confident. He has some spunk, he’s funny. But I think we need to get to know each other.”

Joan took Pascal for a ride in a sports car to board a private jet to Las Vegas. “We’re going to live like that high roller lifestyle,” the mother of four told the cameras.

The couple picked out outfits to wear for their date and received a private serenade from Wayne Newton.

During the evening portion of their date, Pascal opened up to Joan about growing up in France.

“I had a very tough childhood where money was always an issue,” he said. “We were living in an apartment where we were six in a room, two in each bed. We had no bathroom, we had no shower. I was very resentful because I never had my mom or my dad come up and give me a compliment or sit here and give me a hug and tell me, ‘I love you.’”

Related: Joan Vassos Kisses 1 Fan Favorite — and Sends Home Another During First Week of Golden Bachelorette Dates

Pascal said that when he had an opportunity to move to the United States, he took it.

“You stopped the cycle that your parents started,” Joan said to him.

At the end of the date, Joan extended a rose to Pascal, which he accepted with a “oui oui.” They shared a kiss on the High Roller Wheel, and Pascal joked, “That’s a French kiss.”

“I see a future with Pascal and I can tell life would be wonderful with this man,” Joan said in an on-camera interview.

GROUP DATE

Chock, Gil, Dan, Charles L., Charles K., Gregg, Gary, Guy, Kim, Jordan, Mark and Keith went on this week’s group date hosted by former NFL players Eric Dickerson and Andre Reed. The ex-football pros informed the men that they’d be competing in a kickball game sponsored by Quaker Oats and the winning team would receive additional time with Joan.

The game lasted for three innings and the blue team eventually won thanks to Charles L., who, despite not having played kickball before, brought in a run at the end.

“Charles never played baseball. They took care of me,” the retired financial analyst, 66, said to Joan of Eric, 64, and Andre, 60.

That left the red team to return to the mansion with bruised egos — and bodies. “It’ll be an evening of ice packs and licking those wounds,” Mark, 57, said in an on-camera interview.

At the afterparty, Joan received a call from her 92-year-old mother informing her about a respiratory illness she’d been experiencing. “I felt guilty that I’m not there to help,” Joan said.

When Joan returned to the group, she spoke with 65-year-old Gary, who offered to pray for her mom.

“I love having you around because you’re always so positive and encouraging,” Joan said to the retired financial executive.

Gil, 60, spoke with Joan about adopting his daughter when she was 6 months old, a story that earned him the date rose. “I feel validated,” Gil — whose ex-girlfriend accused him of stalking her and had a temporary restraining order granted against him — said.

SECOND ONE-ON-ONE DATE

Joan selected Jonathan for the second one-on-one date of the week, but he hesitated to go because he worried about not getting a rose and being sent home. But once the shipping consultant, 61, got into the groove of horseback riding with Joan, he felt more at ease.

While sipping champagne afterward, Jonathan recalled his ex-wife asking him for a divorce “out of the blue.”

“I’ve always had this feeling that I wasn’t enough, and I think that’s what I was thinking about,” Jonathan said to Joan through tears.

Joan responded, “I think you’re enough and I think you probably know this by now, but you have been so incredibly open and vulnerable — like more than I can ever ask from somebody — and I’ve learned so much about you.”

The private school administrator offered Jonathan a rose, and as they rode off, a hawk circled the couple. The hawk reminded Joan of her late husband John, because a hawk used to fly by her window right after he died, she explained.

“I just suddenly got very emotional,” Joan said in an on-camera interview. “I’m thinking about John, also, my mom who is sick at home. And I’m realizing that these are big, big, big feelings and I’m pushing them down. And they’re now really bubbling up. I mean, I can’t keep going on like this.”

COCKTAIL PARTY AND ROSE CEREMONY

Joan wanted to be honest with the men about how she felt. “I realized that I’m not being really open with you and I’m not being like, my true self,” she told the group at the start of the cocktail party. “And what you deserve to get to know about me because this is a two-way street, obviously. So I’m committed now, like starting today, to be the vulnerable person that I need to be for you all.”

The reality star opened up about missing her family and not being fully open to love following the January 2021 death of her husband.

“I don’t know if I ever really will be because John was a huge part of my life," she said. "And I want to say I’ll be 100% one day, but I might only ever be 90% or 80% or whatever it is, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want love in my life, it just might not … there might always be a part of John in my heart.”

The men tried to comfort her, with Chock, 60, talking to Joan about his own struggles with taking care of his mom. “If you want to talk about anything, I’m there,” the insurance executive said to Joan.

Gary shared a prayer he wrote for Joan’s mom with her and Charles L., 66, gave her a photo of his wife who died almost six years ago.

“I want to thank you so much for what you have said,” Charles L. said, adding that he thought Joan’s story resonated with him.

To the cameras, Charles L. acknowledged, “I need to move on.”

Host Jesse Palmer informed Joan that someone from her past had paid the mansion a visit, and when she went out front, Joan saw Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner waiting for her.

“I am so excited to see you,” Joan said as she ran up to Gerry, 73.

Gerry wanted to talk to Joan about coping with the death of her husband as she looked for love again. “I know it’s been a lot sooner for you — it’s going to be a lot tougher for you than it was for me, and it was tough for me,” the Indiana resident, whose wife Toni died in 2017, said.

Joan clarified that she didn’t want to find “a replacement” for John. “I already have a life, so it’s a completely different journey and a different goal and a different person that I’m looking for,” she explained.

“You gotta let it go,” Gerry urged Joan. “You gotta let the guard down.”

He also wanted Joan to ponder something else: “Have you considered the possibility that you guy is not here?”

Joan had, in fact, thought about that that. “I considered that before I got here a lot more than I’m considering that now,” she said. “I have a couple strong connections.”

Related: Joan Vassos 'Felt Like' She 'Was Cheating on' Late Husband by Falling for a Golden Bachelorette Suitor (Exclusive)

With that, Gerry felt, “You’re in the right spot,” he said to Joan. “You know I’m rooting for you.”

When Joan returned to the group, her suitors felt like they needed to light the mood. Kim, 69, and Guy sang a song for her that Kim wrote and Jordan shared a black and white cookie with her.

“I don’t deserve them,” Joan said of her group of men. “They’re way better than me.”

At the rose ceremony, Joan gave roses to Guy, Dan, Gary, Jordan, Chock, Charles L., Keith and Mark. That left Gregg, Charles K. and Kim to pack their bags and head home.

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The Golden Bachelorette airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.

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