How bullied tween singer Harper Grace found redemption a decade after 'worst national anthem ever' scandal: 'I would definitely say I had PTSD'

Back in 2011, aspiring country crooner Harper Grace received what seemed like the career-launching opportunity of her young lifetime: an invitation to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” for a stadium of 22,000 people at an FC Dallas pro soccer game. The performance made the 11-year-old famous overnight — but not in the way she’d imagined or hoped. After things went horribly awry due to Grace’s inexperience and a slew of technical issues, vicious and endless bullying — online, at her school and even by the national press — ensued.

“It was the top story everywhere: ‘The worst national anthem ever,’ with my face plastered all over. There were over a million views in less than 24 hours,” the now 22-year-old Texan singer tells Yahoo Entertainment. “The first comment I read, after hearing my parents crying in the office of my childhood home, was ‘This is why abortion should be legal.’ You know, so my mom could have saved the day from having a horrible anthem, saved everyone’s ears! People were just so rude, so cruel, saying that I should kill myself and never sing again. And these are things that I'm reading as an 11-year-old, you know?”

No one would have blamed Grace if her dream had been crushed and she’d decided to abandon music altogether. But she bounced back. She and her family immediately went on a damage-control media tour, giving interviews about what went wrong that day, and Grace kept on making music. Seven years later, she auditioned for American Idol with her feisty original song “Yard Sale” and made it to the top 50, and she was even invited back as a “fan favorite” to perform at the Season 16 Idol finale.

Now Grace is signed to major record label Curb Records and managed by the Jonas Brothers’ Jonas Entertainment Group, and she’s further seizing control of her narrative with what she calls her summer “redemption tour” — actually performing the national anthem at sporting events across the country. Her current autobiographical single, “Oh Say Can You See,” also directly addresses the anthem scandal and resulting childhood trauma, as she assures her 11-year-old self, “Hey younger me, you'll get back off your knees and up on a stage one day singing to the crowd … It's hard for you to believe what I believe, but I promise I'ma show you, they'll go from pretending they don't even know you to singing every word to your songs in the nosebleeds.”

For Yahoo Entertainment’s Are the Kids Alright? series on former child stars, Grace opened up about her experience with bullying and how her faith in God and her God-given talent helped her through this perilous fight.

Yahoo Entertainment: Let’s go back to the scene of the crime, so to speak. What exactly happened that day in 2011?

Harper Grace: Honestly, everything that could have gone wrong went wrong that day: not having a soundcheck, not being able to hear myself, along with 22,000 people playing these things called vuvuzelas and my ear catching onto a note that I was not supposed to start in. Having not grown up in a family that was familiar with music or had done any professional music, I didn't know anything about delays or soundchecks or stuff like that. So, we got there and their microphone wasn't working, but they assured me and my family that by the time the game started, all the problems would be fixed. But I didn't know that there was going to be a delay. I didn't know about all of these things that actually happen at a stadium. There was a 2.8-second delay on the microphone. I always say the national anthem is the hardest song to sing, because of that first note you start on: If you don't get that right, then you've already kind of bombed. So, I started off way too low, and then instead of it being a minute and a half, it was three minutes long, because I was waiting for the echo to come back to me. It was crazy.

Did you realize at that time that you had bombed?

I immediately knew, even when I started the anthem. I knew it wasn't the right note to start on and I kind of gave my mom this look; but once you start, you can't stop and start over, because that's also going to be an embarrassment. Just looking at people's faces in the crowd as I was singing, I thought, “Ohhh, this is not going very well,” but I kept telling myself, “Just power through, just keep going, just keep going.” When I had finished it, only three people out of like 22,000 said “good job!” to me.” But my mom was like, “It’s OK, it’s OK, we'll be fine.” And then I wake up — and my whole world is turned upside down.

How did your performance end up going viral, for all the wrong reasons?

One of the big reasons it went viral was because we were playing David Beckham's team, L.A. Galaxy. David wasn't there at the time, he was actually in the Olympics that year, so they played it at the commercial break of the Olympics for David’s fans. So, it went worldwide. It was the perfect little setup for something crazy. And this was not only in America, you know. I was top story in Belgium, in China, with my face on newspapers in languages I couldn't even read.

But unfortunately, you did read some of it. Did your parents try to keep you off the internet and social media, try to shield you from all this online hate?

Yes, but I think you can only do so much to shield something that's happening like that, because it even got to the point where there were knives with fake blood put in our mailbox at our home. I was homeschooled my whole life, but I did go to public school for 5th and 6th grade, which was the time that the anthem happened. So, I was also shoved in lockers. Kids threw deodorant sticks and hairspray cans at me and would sing the anthem to me throughout the hallway. There was really no way of getting away from it, because it was constant — whether it was at my house, whether it was online, whether it was in school. I couldn't get away. Even when I was home, I'd get prank calls, and actually still to this day, once in a blue moon, I will get somebody calling me. The hometown I grew up in was Coppell, Texas, and there was a little girl group that was very unkind to me. They were my friends at one point, but as soon as the anthem hit, I would sit down at the lunch table and everybody else would stand up and leave, and the whole cafeteria would laugh at me. So, I'd eat lunch in the bathroom. But if it weren’t for those girls, I honestly wouldn't be here. I'm grateful for the mean things said, because it only made me stronger.

Did anyone ever apologize to you, or admit they were wrong to be so cruel?

Oh, there's some of the girls that were really rude to me that have even talked to me about coming to shows now, as well as like messages I've gotten online from some people saying they're sorry that they didn't speak up — that they saw and overhead certain things that were happening to me and felt bad that they didn't stand up for me. And then I’ve had people saying, “Oh, I always knew that you were going to be big someday!” And I'm like, “Oh, did you? Because when I ate lunch in the bathroom, you laughed at me.” My single “Oh Say Can You See” even mentions that one day they'll all be “up in the nosebleeds,” singing all the lines to my song. I always forgave everybody, but it is funny how they'll come right back around.

We’ll get into how your career bounced back in a bit, but I want to know how you were able to forgive your haters. No one would blame you for being bitter or holding grudges after you went through this ordeal. And no one would even blame you if you’d decided to quit music at age 11.

There was probably two or three days where all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry, because I couldn't wrap my head around it. Why would God let this happen to me? I didn't understand any of it, especially adults saying mean things to me. And yes, I thought maybe I wouldn't want to sing for a while. But then something blew smoke up my butt and I was ready to go again. [laughs] I remember within 48 hours, having this childlike faith — this ambition to honestly prove the critics wrong, and also to prove to myself that I had enough courage to do the thing I love the most. So, I just kept on going.

Where did that determination come from at such a young age?

Growing up in a faith-based family and just having a lot of faith in the Lord, that kicked in for me. I actually took a journal and I wrote down everybody's usernames that were saying mean things, and then I went into what I call my prayer closet and said, “Lord, just forgive them, for they know not what they do. I hope that they know that I forgive them and that if they're hurting, that you will comfort them where they are.” Sometimes when I tell that story back, I'm like, “Gosh, that's a lot of faith for a kid! Where is that childlike faith now?” [laughs] But that's when we started doing interviews on different radio stations and stuff, sharing what really happened that day. And then I wrote a song called “I've Got a Dream” that played on the radio for a few days, and it was about how I forgave everybody and was still going to follow my dream of singing. Somebody who was in their forties was driving and heard my song in the car and called in, and he said he’d tried to commit suicide many different ways and had been bullied in high school, and he heard my story of an 11-year-old who was bullied by the whole entire world, and it inspired him to keep on going. That's when I was like, “You know what? If this happened just for one person to know that they have purpose and the Lord loves them and they deserve to live, then I wouldn't change anything.”

That’s amazing! And then in 2018, you threw yourself back into the fray by trying out for American Idol. That was maybe even more high-profile than the FC Dallas game. There was a lot of hype around that Idol season, because it was the premiere of the ABC reboot. And that's a show that, dating back to the Simon Cowell days, is known for viral moments and harsh criticism. So that was a brave thing for you to do, especially since you tried out with your own song.

It actually took a lot to go to those auditions. I had an American Idol producer originally reach out to me and I thought it was a joke at first, because the show had been [off the air] for so long. I thought it was a little prank text. Then I did some research. I was like, “Oh no, this lady's actually legit.” She asked me to audition and I said no. She asked again and I said no. And then she asked a few more times. Then she told me to pray about it — and I was like, “Um, this lady don't know me like that! Why is she coming at me, though? Who is this woman telling me to pray about it?” I was 16 at the time, and I remember going to my mom and saying, “I don't want to do this.” I was genuinely scared. The fear of being ridiculed by the whole world was something I’d latched onto, and the thought of going on reality TV was terrifying. But I went in my prayer closet and I was like, “Lord” — I talked to Him like just a regular conversation — “I don't care what you say and I love you and I'm not going to do it, but you're awesome. OK, bye! Talk to you later!” I literally left my prayer closet real quickly, because I was scared that He was going to tell me that I needed to go! But this woman kept messaging me. She said, “Your audition is tomorrow at the Omni Hotel in Dallas. 10 AM. Pray about it one more time.” I was like, “Dude, what the heck? That's annoying!” But I ended up going in my closet and sitting in there for four hours. I said, “God, I didn't really care what you say, but I'm not going to leave this room until you tell me, with your mouth-hole, yes or no.” I sat in there like a little stubborn girl in complete silence for a very long time, not realizing how long I was in there.

But eventually you got the message from Him that you should go for it. And your audition went over really well. This time you went viral for all the right reasons.

When they aired my audition, Fergie had just sang the national anthem a week prior and was now known as “the worst national anthem.” So, she “dethroned” me. [laughs] So, on top of that, after my American Idol episode aired, people started posting it and titling it a “redemption story.” And that to me was really sweet. I had over a million views in less than 24 hours for my audition, which was such a blessing. It really stretched my faith.

And your redemption story continues…

Yes, right now, we’re on what we're calling a “redemption tour” for “Oh Say Can You See.” At this point I've done 12 Major League games — baseball, basketball, soccer, arenas, ballparks, stadiums — going back singing the anthem again.

I don’t know if I want to use the term “PTSD,” but singing the anthem again for large crowds has to be triggering for you.

Oh, in the beginning I would definitely say I had PTSD. There's a lot of things that trigger me. Like, I get to an arena and they don't have a soundcheck or in-ears [monitors]. Going back and reliving those things, I could still hear my 11-year-old self singing. Now I’m 22 and deciding to go back out and do the thing that scares me the most, trying to prove to myself that I am bold and courageous and can be an inspiration for others. I'm facing a giant every time I go back and sing the anthem. The amount of fear the first handful of times I sang it was unfathomable. I would pull my mom to the side and just be crying, just terrified to go out there. But I'm in a good spot now, a good mindset. This is just another part of the road that I'm supposed to walk down, and I'm ready for it.

Did anyone in the business advise that you were foolish to revisit the scene of the crime, so to speak, and do this tour?

I've had [former members of] my team that I've navigated through and weeded out that said I should get rid of my backstory — the Idol story, the anthem story — and just be “the singer Harper Grace.” I worked with that team for maybe a year and a half, and it was a really hard time. I felt lost with that part of my identity being muted and shoved under the rug, and me being told, “It's a bad look for the brand. You don't want to be known as ‘that girl.’” I made sure to get those people out of the way, and I prayed for the right people to come in.

And now you're with Jonas Entertainment Group. That’s another full-circle career development, because I imagine the Jonas Brothers, who started as tweens too, were bullied online too.

Yeah, that's actually something that Kevin Jonas Sr., their dad, and I bonded over — just the fact that stuff like this also happened to the Jonas Brothers at a young age. Kevin Sr. was actually a pastor and is in ministry as well. We really clicked from the beginning.

Tell me about “Oh Say Can You See,” which is another way you’re reclaiming ownership of this anthem narrative. There are specific lines about “Coppell mean girls” and “eating all alone in a bathroom stall,” and then in the chorus you tell your younger self, “This moment right here is gonna write your anthem.” What was the “moment” when you decided to write that?

I had that title for over 11 years. I came up with it a year or two after the anthem [debacle] happened and I stuck it away in my song ideas, but I wasn’t ready. The day I finally wrote that song, I was driving to a session with my writers, Alex Kline and Scott Stepakoff, and feeling in my heart: “Today's the day I'm going to write ‘Oh Say Can You See.’ This is the day.” I had known them for so long that they understood who I was in the present, but also the way I’d felt as a kid. I'd opened up to them a lot about random things that’d happened throughout my life, so they had a good grasp of who I was to the core. I felt safe to write a song like that in that room. That was one of the first songs I’d written that actually captured who I was as an artist. I was coming out of a really horrible relationship that was abusive for three years and I was stuck with my writing, and that was one of the first songs that brought me back out of my shell.

Looking back on the past decade and seeing where you are now and how far you’ve come, do you think all this happened to you for a reason?

Well, yes. You know, it all started with a prayer. My dad changed his prayer that day [when I sang the anthem]. Usually he prayed stuff like, “Please let Harper sing good,” but that day, knowing that there was 22,000 people in the stadium, my dad didn’t do that same kind of selfish prayer. Instead he prayed, “Lord, we ask that you would use Harper in a mighty way.” That was the prayer right before I went out. So, I just kept reminding my parents, “Hey, you asked God to use me in this way! You get what you pray for!” And they're like, “Well, we didn't think it was going to be like this!” [laughs] But once we started getting calls, like the one from that man who decided not to commit suicide after hearing me on the radio, it was like, “OK, God. You have a bigger purpose for this.”

This interview has been edited for brevity and clarity.

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