'Masked Singer' Season 9 premiere's 'greatest reveal ever' is oldest, 'most decorated and seasoned entertainer' in show's history

America’s wackiest musical guessing game is back for a ninth season, and once again, there will be themed episodes, the most of thrilling of which will likely be next week’s “ABBA Night,” followed “Sesame Street Night” and something called “The Masked Singer in Space Night” (even though every episode of The Masked Singer is pretty spacey, come to think about it). And this season, there’s a fancy new supersized set and yet another new twist: The judges will be able to save one mystery celebrity cosplayer per bracket from elimination, with something called the “Ding Dong Keep It On” bell.

But also, less excitingly, as was the case last season, there will be controversial double-eliminations each week. And since the panel didn’t ding-dong their bell for anyone who performed on Wednesday’s Season 9 premiere, that meant that we bid farewell all too soon to two contestants with “huge star power.” One of those eliminees was a CMA- and ACM-winning feisty country music filly, and the other was a 97-years-young living legend — the oldest celebrity in Masked Singer history, besting a record set by last year’s William Shatner, and “the most decorated and seasoned entertainer” to ever appear on the show, as host Nick Cannon declared.

The night’s first reveal was the Gnome, who sadly did not perform the obscure early David Bowie cut “The Laughing Gnome,” but did deliver a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious performance of “When You’re Smiling” while putting on an especially happy elfin face. Yes, the Gnome was none other than the Tony-, Emmy-, Grammy-, and SAG Award-winning star of stage and screen… the iconic Dick Van Dyke.

The judges knew that this gifted goblin was someone of “legendary status,” but oddly guessed that he was Dustin Hoffman, Robert DeNiro (???), or Mel Brooks. I’m sure they felt very chitty about this once the Gnome’s identity was revealed… because really, there was no mistaking that magical voice, even without any exaggerated Mary Poppins accent. Once Van Dyke was unmasked, flabbergasted judges Robin Thicke, Jenny McCarthy-Wahlberg, and Ken Jeong jumped on their desks in salute, while Nicole Scherzinger, a musical theater veteran herself, immediately broke into tears.

“I love you so much! … I can’t believe you’re here!” Nicole sobbed. “I’m trying to play it cool, but. … You’re our childhood!”

“You’re the G.O.A.T.!” exclaimed Jenny.

“You are one of the reasons that I got into comedy. You are comedy,” gushed Ken. “Greatest reveal ever!”

The Mustang, who was Wednesday’s second premature castoff, didn’t go with the obvious Wilson Pickett cover (although “Mustang Sally” was her Wednesday entrance music), instead bringing some arena-worthy hair-rock to the show with a horsepowered cover of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again.” It was so convincingly gritty that the judges actually thought this might be Pink, Heart’s Ann or Nancy Wilson, or even Joan Jett or Chrissie Hynde. (Side note: Chrissie would never do this show, just sayin’. She’s not that sort of pretender.) Robin thought this was Thighmistress of ceremonies Suzanne Somers, for some reason. Only Nicole detected “a smidgen of country” in the Mustang’s tone, but she guessed that this was Wynonna Judd.

Jenny called “Here I Go Again” an “effortless” performance by a “true star,” and Robin praised the Mustang’s “mustank.” But after the Mustang lost her “hardcore” Battle Royale of Rihanna’s Super Bowl finale song, “Diamonds,” to this week’s surviving contestant, the Medusa, it was time for her to gallop off into the sunset — even though Robin had said this had been a “pretty even fight” and Ken said it was “probably the most competitive season premiere we’ve ever had.”

And the Mustang was eventually revealed to be not a rocker chick, but Nashville star Sara Evans.

And so now, it’s finally time to play this week’s guessing game. Who is the Medusa? This “dancer in the dark” grew up “far from the spotlight” and “never quite fit in,” but she “knew early on that [she] was born to stand out” and embraced her “oddities,” because “sometimes success comes in the grayest of places." Visual clues included Buckingham Palace, a “True Love” chest tattoo, a DVD cover mockup that said “$340 million sold” and “Snakes on the Astral Plane,” the planet Saturn, and a fiery sun. “From the Super Bowl to this very stage — technically, I’ve been here before,” she teased. “But this time, I’m here to compete.”

The judges guessed various British pop stars, like Ellie Goulding (it totally didn’t sound like her), Jessie J, Dua Lipa, or Charli XCX. Nicole thought this snaky songstress might be Lorde, which was the best theory based solely on the Medusa’s rounded-voweled, sleepy indie voice. Ken revived his favorite wrong guess of seasons past, Bj?rk, then one-upped himself by ridiculously theorizing that this was... Meghan Markle.

Charli is a good guess, actually, since her debut album was titled True Romance... but I think this might be the Dutchess herself, Fergie, because the Medusa's voice sounded quite Fergalicious. Fergie has performed at the Super Bowl with the Black Eyed Peas; she has a song titled "True"; there is an unrelated Argentine duo called Fergie & Sadrian that has a song called "Astral Plane"; and that Buckingham Palace could be a reference to Fergie's smash hit "London Bridge." And of course, Fergie has sold more than 35 million albums and 60 million singles worldwide — which probably adds up to $340 million.

“I don’t know who you are, but I’m going to lay in bed and think of this song tonight,” said Jenny. And I too will lie awake revisiting the Medusa’s stone-cold-fantastic rendition of Billie Eilish’s “Happier Than Ever.” As dejected as I was to see Dick and Sara go home so soon, there was no doubt that the Medusa won on Wednesday, because she delivered one of the most spectacular and spellbinding performances in Masked Singer history. Robin let out a stunned “whoa!” during her hushed first verse, and afterwards, Nicole gasped, “I don’t think I’ve ever been this speechless in nine seasons.” Jenny proclaimed, “I am done. I don’t even know what just happened.”

But Season 9 is far from done, and despite this week’s two disappointing early eliminations, it’s off to a great start. I cannot wait to see what the Medusa does next, and I especially am excited for next week’s above-mentioned ABBA episode, on which hopefully the ABBA Voyage holograms will make a surprise appearance. Hey, you never know what will happen on this unpredictable show, which is still keeping all guessing after all these years.

Read more from Yahoo Entertainment:

• Leslie Jordan makes final, posthumous 'Masked Singer' appearance: 'We can feel your love from above'

• Ken Jeong on his biggest 'Masked Singer' guessing fail: 'I'm not only shocked, but embarrassed'

• Nick Cannon on quitting 'America’s Got Talent': 'One of the best decisions I ever made in my career'

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