Nurse Jackie recap: Vigilante Jones

It’s a good day to be Nurse Jackie. She’s back in blue, tending to patients, and popping pills. You know, same old, same old. If only Eddie didn’t have to rain on her parade by wanting to use her renewed status to get a few doctor’s signatures to pad his numbers and keep him out of hot water. Sorry, Eddie, Jackie’s not letting you bring her down from this high! I mean, it would be idiotic to do anything illegal to jeopardize her newly reinstated position, wouldn’t it? #sarcasm

Gloria, however, isn’t feeling so fine. She calls in sick for the rest of the week, but Zoey is on to her. “She has the flu,” Zoey tells Jackie. “You are the flu.” While that may be true, Gloria’s sudden (and phony) illness can’t stop the love fest that Jackie has now spread to Zoey, who is giddy to have her BFF and mentor back in the trenches with her. Even Dr. Prince joins in. He’s high on life … for now.

When a Middle Eastern woman comes in complaining of an illness in a language that Jackie cannot understand, she grabs what looks like a toy telephone from the 1970s but is actually something cool called a translator phone. After the woman stumps the translator operator, Jackie sends Zoey to the Indian restaurant down the street to fetch a worker there to see if he can help. In the meantime, Jackie finds the woman’s suitcase full of medical records, which reveal she is suffering from liver disease. Dr. P determines the woman needs surgery, but Jackie points out there’s currently a 12-hour wait for the operating room. Did I mention that Dr. Prince has been suffering severe headaches and memory loss as a result of his gigantic brain tumor? I didn’t? Oh, well, keep that in mind.

Meanwhile, Karlsen runs into Zoey and brags about having sex with Carrie, even though Zoey refuses to believe him. Did I miss an episode? Oh, wait. It’s Carrie. Never mind. Of course she had sex with him even though he’s despicable.

Jackie’s triumphant return (to both her position and her vices), the unintelligible woman, Carrie and Karlsen’s (gross and) secretive affair, and Dr. Prince’s frightening behavior aren’t the only exciting things happening in the ER, however. Enter Vigilante Jones (in the form of the brilliant Chris Elliot), a superhero who is found trying to climb up the building with a couple of bad knees. According to him, he’s not crazy, he’s just there to do good. Will he succeed? Stay tuned.

Zoey returns with the man from the Indian restaurant and Jackie leads them to the Middle Eastern woman’s room, only to find Dr. Prince performing the surgical procedure to drain her abdomen on her—alone. After his vision fails and he can’t complete the surgery, Jackie jumps in, ordering Dr. P to step away. With the woman understandably frantic because her stomach is sliced open and her doctor doesn’t know what to do, Dr. Prince, who is in excruciating pain, talks Jackie successfully through the procedure. A fortunate, happy ending, but Jackie wisely (and sadly) knows it needs to be Dr. Prince’s last and tells him it’s time to remove himself from the floor. Suddenly, the high-on-life Dr. Prince isn’t so nice anymore, and not only freaks out at Jackie but tries to fire Zoey when she asks him to sign some paperwork. Not even Vigilante Jones can save the day (although he tries). There’s only one person who has the authority to remove Dr. Prince, and she’s at home battling the “flu.”

NEXT: Gloria drops the mic … and Eddie drops Jackie (or vice versa)

With an offering of Diet Coke, Jackie arrives at Gloria’s apartment, and after Gloria agrees to handle the Dr. Prince situation, Jackie apologizes for the ugly turn of events her recent hearing took. After Jackie notices Gloria’s addict/estranged/felon son behind her, Gloria admits that if Jackie hadn’t gotten ugly and personal at the hearing, she’d never have found him. “So thank you, and f— you,” she says, dropping the mic and walking away. (Actually, she just closes the door in Jackie’s face, but it has the same, fabulous effect.)

Back at All Saints, Carrie confronts Karlsen about blabbing to Zoey, but Karlsen tells her their fling is over. He obviously doesn’t know who he’s messing with. In an effort to save her co-BFF standing with Zoey, Carrie learns how to say, “Your husband is f–king someone else” (loosely) in Norwegian and calls Karlsen’s wife to drop the bomb. When Karlsen finds out, he’s livid and threatens Carrie, but Vigilante Jones (again) saves the day by pepper spraying Karlsen’s eyes, earning himself a one way trip to restraints and a psych transport.

Walking into Dr. Prince’s office to assist HR in his respectful removal from the hospital, Jackie is surprised to find Eddie there getting an obviously delusional Dr. P’s signature for meds he never authorized. Jackie is furious. Taking Eddie into a darkened pharmacy (ooh, the metaphor!) she lays into him for taking advantage of Dr. Prince and putting her in jeopardy (because those pills she’s been popping apparently don’t count) and throws him out of “her” hospital. He’s furious, too, because she hasn’t been a lick of help in their new drug-dealing endeavor, and calls her selfish. (Eddie, meet Jackie.) After some more yelling that results in them basically breaking up, he hints that “this is not going to end well for me, or you.” Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, don’t you know by now that Jackie will throw you under the bus faster than a scalded cat to save her own skin?

But let’s get back to Vigilante Jones, Superhero of Good. After burning himself loose from his restraints, Jackie finds him on the roof of the hospital and attempts to talk him out of jumping by telling him she needs him. Kissing her and assuring her that she’s going to be okay (foreshadowing, perhaps?), he runs to the edge and jumps. And according to Jackie, instead of plummeting to his death, he flies (which clears up the murky question of exactly what it is she’s been popping into her mouth the past two episodes, I think).

Only one more episode left, and so much to wrap up. Will we see Gloria or Dr. Prince again? (Please tell me the answer is yes, and please include the words “miracle cure” and “spin-off” when you answer.) Will Zoey and Carrie continue their Sex and The City friendship? Does anyone care? Will Eddie—ironically—be the one to bring Jackie down, or will she—as usual—outwit the piper and end up basically right back where she started seven years ago?