'Sex and the City' actor Evan Handler says bar encounter showed him what a lot of women go through, adds #IBelieveHer
Actor Evan Handler offered an important lesson on his Twitter feed Thursday, and he did it without calling out any one person.
Handler, known for his role as Charlotte’s husband Harry on Sex and the City and as Hank’s sidekick on Californication, shared a lengthy thread about his experience Wednesday night at a North Carolina bar.
He described how some of the men in the group — not the majority but roughly a third — had made him feel like “a display item.” They were more “drunk,” more “boisterous,” and more “aggressive,” than the women present, he wrote. They were so excited to see him, he recalled, that they touched him without asking.
Handler shared his experience because it made him realize what women experience, thus adopting the #IBelieveHer hashtag. In the long string of tweets, Handler also mentioned a tweet he’d written immediately after the encounter, which resulted in some nasty responses.
Last night I had the pleasure of meeting 15, 20, or 25 college-age fans in a local bar in Chapel Hill, NC. Afterward, I posted a poorly worded tweet about an observation I found important. /1
— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
The women in the group were uniformly excited, respectful, and even apologetic as they waited patiently to pose for pictures. So were the majority of the men.
The majority of them (which is what I failed to clarify last night). /2— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
About 30% of the guys were more aggressive. They weren’t nasty. Nothing like it. They were excited. They were complimentary. /3
— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
But they stood much closer to me than the women. They appeared much more drunk. They touched me without asking, & pounded my back. Instead of asking for pics & waiting they shoved phones in my face w/their friends already grinning back on Facetime, like I was a display item. /4
— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
Worse, when I posted about the differences later, I got a slew of nasty tweets in response from accounts of guys who claimed to be fans, and to have been there, now calling me “queef,” and saying things like, “We just thought you were Howie Mandel, and were mad you weren’t.” /5
— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
The reason I posted in the first place was ’cause this subset of guys, let’s say 1/3 of them, were a little scary to me. I was surrounded by them, they were larger than I am, and they were just having fun – but they were totally unaware of their effect on me. /6
— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
So, I wrote about it, & ended with #IBelieveHer. Because I thought it was a good illustration of what a lot women prob go thru, that some men don’t get. You’re bigger. You’re stronger. You’re drunk. And you might be oblivious to the fact that you’re the only one having fun. /7
— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
I’m a guy, who was in a bar, surrounded by people paying attention to me, and I still felt a little unnerved.
AND, when I mentioned it here on the big T (admittedly, omitting that I meant only about 1/3 of the guys), I got a parade of nastiness. Insults. /8— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
Which only made me feel even creepier. I’m open to people approaching when I’m in public. I’m happy people are happy to see me. That doesn’t mean I want to be handled. It doesn’t mean your behavior is excused, just ’cause you meant it lovingly. /9
— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
Mostly, the more I read today, I still think what I pointed out is important. Especially, maybe, to the guys who posted back (if any really were the same guys; the accounts responding almost all had no other tweets or followers). /10
— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
The fact that some of those guys were oblivious to how their boisterousness affected me, and then turned defensive, and then nasty, when it was pointed out, is precisely why #IBelieveHer.
/end— Evan Handler (@EvanHandler) September 20, 2018
Handler’s tweets about his experience at the bar as well as his posts arguing against Brett Kavanaugh’s appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court come in the midst of the #MeToo movement. President Trump’s nominee is facing allegations that he sexually assaulted a classmate, Christine Blasey Ford, by holding her down on a bed and covering her mouth against her will, during a high school party in the 1980s. Ford, who’s now a professor at Palo Alto University, and her lawyer are negotiating with lawmakers about whether and under what circumstances she’ll appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee overseeing Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearings.
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