Your Year In Sex: 12 Ways To Keep Things Fresh In Bed
(Illustrated By Anna Sudit)
It’s New Year’s resolution time. A great resolution is something that will make you happier, healthier, and is a joy to accomplish. Which is why this year, we’re advocating for sex resolutions. What better way to ring in 2015 that by having better, more fulfilling sex — and a lot more of it?
To get you started, we talked to some experts and created a 12-step guide to great sex in 2015, with one resolution for every month. These are designed to make your sex life more exciting and to bring you closer to whomever you’re sleeping with.
Plus, this is a lot more fun that getting up at dawn to go to the gym.
Related: 12 Women Reveal Their Sex Number
(Illustrated By Anna Sudit)
Sleep In
The cornerstone of any good sex resolution? Have more of it. One great way to do that is to find new times to incorporate sex into your day — like the morning. January is freezing, at least where we live, and that makes the temptation to spend a few extra minutes huddled under the covers each morning even stronger. Why not make that time productive?
Sex therapist, Vanessa Marin, M.A., based in San Francisco, is a fan of the morning romp. “Lots of people have higher sex drives right upon waking, so morning sex can be a revelation. It’s easier to make space for sex before all the stresses of daily life catch up to you.” Debby Herbenick, M.D., Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good, writes in her book that sex releases oxytocin, a feel-good chemical that can boost your mood all day long.
If you need help getting started, Marin also has some practical tips: For the month of January, “Try setting your alarm 10 or 15 minutes earlier a few mornings each week,” she says. “If you have issues with morning breath, try keeping mints or breath strips on your bedside table.”
(Illustrated By Anna Sudit)
Be Giving
February is Valentine’s Day. Sure, you might think it’s the worst holiday ever. Let’s try to take a step back and focus on the idea behind V-day: showing appreciation. Regardless of whether you’re married, dating, or just hooking up, make your February sex resolution to be more giving — and to focus especially on your partner’s pleasure.
“One of the most popular exercises I give my clients,” says Marin, “is to ask them to take turns focusing on each other. It’s arousing to focus all of your attention on pleasing your partner. Knowing that you are singlehandedly responsible for making your partner feel that good can be an empowering experience.”
She suggests getting started like this: “Pick a day where your partner gets to be the center of attention. Ask that person what he or she wants,” whether it’s a bath, a massage, or oral sex, and “focus on bringing them as much pleasure as possible.”
Then, find a day to switch it up, and let yourself be the center of attention — and try to carry that spirit of generosity with you through the month.
(Illustrated By Anna Sudit)
Masturbate
March is masturbation month! Start by yourself, and even if you’ve been an expert for years, try to act like it’s the first time. Give yourself lots of time, and really pay attention to what you like. Try doing it a new way (why not on your stomach like Natalie Portman in Black Swan?) or in a new place (the shower head is your friend).
Then, if you have a partner, try sharing the way you touch yourself with him or her. Watching someone else feel good is super hot. Planned Parenthood recommends mutual masturbation as a way for couples to explore sexuality without risking pregnancy or STDs (hooray!) and as a way to teach your partner how you like to be touched (double hooray!).
Related: The 6 Best Yoga Poses For Sex
(Illustrated By Anna Sudit)
Explore Porn Together
Lots and lots of us are doing it — the numbers don’t lie. Why not make April the month you learn how to enjoy watching porn together?
Porn actor James Deen points out that watching porn can be a great way to explore your sexuality with someone else. He says you can “watch adult entertainment to learn things about your partner and yourself and find out what you might like together.” Especially if there’s something that turns you on that you’re a little shy to bring up, porn can be a great way to bridge the gap and gauge your partner’s reaction in a slightly more removed way. “Sex is awkward and weird, and it’s hard for people to have open conversations about it. [Porn] can be a tool for that,” Deen says.
(Illustrated By Anna Sudit)
Share A Fantasy
Make May about sitting down with your partner and sharing a fantasy, a particular fetish, a kink — or just something little that turns you on. Set a few ground rules first: Each of you will share one, one a time, and the other partner will just listen. They don’t even need to respond at all.
“Sharing fantasies is basically playtime for adults,” says sex writer Sara Benincasa. “You can go anywhere in your imagination and your partner can take the journey with you.”
(Illustrated By Anna Sudit)
Try A Fantasy
In June, take things up a notch, and resolve to try one of those fantasies out. This resolution works best with a partner you’re truly comfortable with, since a degree of trust makes things run more smoothly.
Vanessa Marin says the first step happens outside the bedroom. “Talk [your fantasy] over before acting it out. You want to make sure you’re on the same page,” she says, before clothes start coming off. “And, if you’re just starting, I’d suggest staying on the simpler side. No need to get overly complicated your first time out the gate!”
Related: The Best Furniture To Have Sex On, Rated By Difficulty
(Illustrated By Anna Sudit)
Switch Things Up
To keep things lively through the hot summer months, switch sexual roles. This will mean something different depending on your relationship, but think about how things usually go down between you two, and do the opposite.
If your partner is usually the one to initiate sex, try making the first move. If he or she is usually on top, try being the dominant one. Or, even just switch whose apartment you’re doing it in.
You may be surprised at how much you enjoy doing something different from your usual routine. Seeing how things work on the other end can create empathy, which can lead to (you guessed it) better sex.
Illustrated By Anna Sudit.
Take The Every-Day Challenge
Life is busy. Between work, family, friends, exercise, hobbies, and sleep (oh, glorious sleep), sex can be one of the first casualties. Since August is a big “vacation” month anyway, it’s a great one for taking on the daily sex challenge: You and a partner have sex every day in August. This doesn’t have to mean penetrative intercourse, and it doesn’t have to be at night, in bed, before you go to sleep. It just means getting each other off at least once in every 24 hour period — the rest is up to you.
If you need a little inspiration, a number of brave couples have tried and chronicled the daily-sex challenge (this pair did it for a year.)
By Gaby Dunn
