10 Things Confident People *Always* Do in a Conversation

We’ve all been there. You’re having a less-than-confident day—maybe you feel underdressed for an event or a co-worker said something that made you feel bad about yourself—and your self-esteem is taking a hit. Everyone feels like this from time to time, but at the end of the day, it’s a strong sense of self-worth and an inner knowing that you’ve got this that helps you face things with assurance.

So, how do you make that confidence shine during a conversation? Whether you’re at a networking event, party or conference, why is it important to appear confident while talking with colleagues, acquaintances or potential new friends? We'll cover all of this, including 10 things confident people always do in a conversation.

What Are Some Characteristics of a Truly Confident Person?

Karen Laos, CEO, Communication Expert and Confidence Cultivator, defines a confident person as “one who is free from the weight of worrying about what others think and is firmly grounded in who they are,” adding that confident people tend to express themselves without fear of judgment or being preoccupied with having to be perfect.

Speaker and coach Sally Zimney says there’s no “one way” to be confident, since it’s often a fluctuating and finicky thing.

“It’s not about a specific brand of extroversion or beauty, or based on how well your swimsuit fits,” Zimney says. “And despite what we think, it’s not about having the right resumé or credentials. Traditionally, we think of confidence as our own level of belief in ourselves in the given moment.”

But since we’re human, there are days we feel more confident than others. If you know that you’re amazing (which you are!) but could use a bit of coaching to impart that glowing confidence to those around you, our experts will share their very best tips.

Related: 101 Uplifting Confidence Quotes for Days You're Struggling with Low Self-Esteem

Why Is It Important To Appear Confident During a Conversation?

Simply put, appearing confident during a conversation is the best way to influence someone, build trust and show that you’re credible, Laos shares.

“People who are both likable and competent always get the business or the opportunities before anyone else,” she observes. “It’s critical to your success that you come across as confident, even if you don’t feel like it. The great thing is that it’s possible to grow confidence as a skill set.”

Zimney says that when someone appears confident, they’re likely to inspire belief in what they’re doing and how they’re doing it.

“Confidence also comes with a myriad of personal benefits,” she says, “[The] most [important] being that once you see that you can do something, you are willing to take on the next challenge with more assuredness. Suddenly, you’re not having to talk yourself into believing in yourself; you’ve seen enough evidence to know that you can do it.”

In other words? Appearing to be confident can inspire even more confidence within yourself.

Related: 250 Good Conversation Starters for Any Social Situation

10 Things Confident People *Always* Do in a Conversation

1. They ask open-ended questions.

“Seek to understand by asking open-ended questions,” Laos says. “Be more interested in the other person rather than worried about being interesting. This matters because people will like you more when you show interest in them.”

2. They dress for the part they want.

Even if you’re not feeling totally confident, you can certainly dress confidently. Zimney points out that if you were to show up to an important event in your pajamas and meet someone you’d like to connect with, this person may potentially question whether or not you have what it takes.

“Show that you have what it takes by dressing for the ‘part’ that you want in a way that also feels authentic to you,” Zimney says.

3. They smile.

Laos says that smiling demonstrates warmth.

“When people feel warmth in your presence, they want to keep talking to you because it’s a better experience and you’re more interesting and approachable,” she says. “They feel comfortable because you come across as interested in them and kind.”

4. They shake hands.

Zimney says that even in this post-COVID world, there’s something “classically telling” about the handshake. “Firm and friendly,” she advises.

5. They’re vulnerable.

Yes, you read that right. Being confident doesn’t mean putting a wall up and not letting anyone see your soft side. In fact, Laos recommends speaking with “humility and vulnerability” during a conversation.

“When we share a mishap or mistake we made, we are more relatable to the other person because our humanity connects us,” she says. “We will appear more confident because we’re comfortable with sharing a mistake, and when we admit that we’re not perfect, others feel more connected to us.”

Zimney adds, “Confidence is not about pretending that you have it all together and putting on a show of what you believe people want to see.”

Related: 10 Phrases To Effectively Start a Conversation, According to Psychologists

6. They’re present.

To be present during a conversation, which imparts a confident vibe, Zimney suggests making eye contact, putting your phone away and focusing on being present, not just physically, but emotionally as well.

7. They shorten their sentences.

“Speak with a balance of vocal conviction and a friendly tone,” Laos says. “We want to speak with punctuation, not a big run-on sentence. In the spoken word, most people forget about punctuation and end up having a bunch of fragmented sentences that have no ending or beginning. Start speaking in shorter sentences and pause in between sentences so you’re less prone to use ‘upspeak,’ the slang term for ending a statement with a question mark or comma.”

8. They make it about the other person.

During a conversation, appear confident by asking questions and focus on finding connection points with the person you’re speaking with.

“Remember: confident people aren’t arrogant or braggy—it’s not all about you,” Zimney says.

9. They don’t overtake the conversation.

As a confident speaker, Laos recommends speaking concisely and not overtaking the conversation. “Be comfortable listening,” she says.

10. They’re authentic.

Zimney says that the very highest form of confidence is authenticity—especially during a conversation.

“Confidence is comfort in your own skin, so whatever you do, test it against your own values and voice,” she says. “Being you fully is confidence in action.”

Next up, learn the 23 habits of highly confident women.

Sources:

• Karen Laos, CEO, Communication Expert and Confidence Cultivator

• Sally Zimney, speaker and coach