13 Helpful Phrases To Replace Saying 'I Don't Know,' According to Psychologists
Woman trying to decide how to respond to a question she doesn't know the answer to
When someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer, it can instantly prompt flustered feelings. You might feel like you've been out on the hot seat, even if it's freezing outside. And this type of interaction may leave you overthinking exactly how to respond.
For starters, there's not much wrong with saying, "I don't know."
"I always recommend being honest when you don't know something," says Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist.
However, you might want to be honest in a way that doesn't involve saying those exact three words.
"Saying 'I don’t know' can shut down a conversation," says Dr. Erisa M. Preston, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and Mindpath Health regional psychotherapy director in California. "This might be your purpose in saying 'I don’t know,' and if it is, by all means, use that phrase to set some boundaries. We don’t always have answers, or we don’t always want to continue a conversation, and that’s OK. However, using that phrase often stops someone from asking follow-up questions or engaging further."
The good news is that you can definitely 'fess up to not having an answer without simply saying "IDK." Psychologists share 13 helpful phrases to use instead of "I don't know."
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13 Phrases To Replace Saying 'I Don't Know,' According to Psychologists
1. "I'm not sure, but I can look that up for you."
This simple phrase exudes curiosity and a desire to learn, often coveted in workplaces.
"This is a great way to acknowledge that you don’t have the answer off of the top of your head but still offer a willingness to find the answer," says Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., the founder of Balanced Awakening.
2. "Great question. Why don't we look into it together?"
Dr. McGeehan says this statement is great for people in leadership positions—in their homes or offices.
"I love this response for parents, but it could also work in a professional setting where you are mentoring another colleague and looking for a teaching moment," Dr. McGeehan says.
Related: 10 Phrases To Shut Down Workplace Gossip, According to Therapists
3. "I wonder the same thing."
This phrase puts things into perspective—for you and the person with a question.
"Here, you are letting the other person know that you are both in the same boat, and you also have the same question," says Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with South County Psychiatry. "It makes it feel more united and that you can join together to figure it out."
4. "I'm not familiar with that, but I can find the information for you."
A slight variation for No. 1, Dr. McGeehan loves this one for work-related head-scratchers.
"This is another great response for a professional setting where perhaps you are being asked about something that is outside of your scope," she explains.
5. "It depends on X, but the estimate is Y."
Sometimes, your answer depends on items that are still TBD. For instance, the price for a floor renovation may be contingent on the material a person chooses.
"Acknowledging the answer is variable based on different factors, but still offers a range for the person to consider," Dr. Yang says.
Related: 13 Brilliant Phrases to Respond to Unsolicited Advice, According to Mental Health Pros
6. "It depends..."
If there's too much unknown to give an estimate, cut No. 5 in half and stick with "It depends."
"Sometimes, we’re too quick to respond with an 'I don’t know,' and actually, we just need more information," Dr. Yang says.
After using this phrase, Dr. Yang recommends asking a follow-up question.
"This question can both buy us time to figure out the answer as well as give us more information to answer the question accurately," she explains.
7. “I need to think about it longer before I can give an honest answer.”
Dr. Preston says this phrase addresses the discomfort you may feel about answering a question.
"If a person experiences anxiety about answering because they do not want to have negative consequences, these phrases could address that concern," Dr. Preston says.
8. "I'm not entirely sure, but I believe..."
Dr. Schiff says this phrase starts with a caveat that you don't know. Still, it lets you provide your best guess. Use this phrase with caution and only when you really believe your best guess is a good one that won't spread harmful misinformation.
9. "That's a really good question."
We don't always have to be so hyper-focused on answers we don't know during conversations.
"While you may not be able to offer the answer or give the information they were looking for, it does validate that the question they asked was a good and valuable one," Dr. Schiff explains. "This will make them feel better about their inquiry, and you aren't just brushing them off with an 'I don't know.'"
Dr. Preston also likes the idea of telling a person they asked a good question.
"You might not know the answer, but that does not mean it is not worth discussing," Dr. Preston says.
Related: 11 Phrases To Respond to Guilt-Tripping and Why They Work, According to Psychologists
10. "I'm not entirely sure, but I can direct you to someone who does know."
You may not be the best person to ask, and that's OK.
"I love this response because it doesn't indicate that you should have known this information, and it's straightforward in pointing you in the appropriate direction," Dr. McGeehan says. "This resonates with me because there is no situation—personal or professional—where we should be expected to know everything. "
11. "That's a great question. I'm curious why you're asking it."
"This is such a 'therapisty' way to evade a response," McGeehan admits.
Still, it's useful.
"It's also excellent if you are genuinely surprised or confused as to why someone is asking a question," she says. "It flips the script and puts the attention back on them and why they are asking the question in the first place rather than focusing on a question that you don't know."
12. "I wish I had that answer for you."
This phrase is packed with honesty and vulnerability.
"It doesn't try to placate the person asking but rather acknowledges the experience in the moment," Dr. McGeehan says. "I recommend this response a lot to parents when their kids are asking big existential questions about topics such as death. However, if needed, I can also see it being used in a professional setting."
13. "We can figure it out together."
Dr. Yang says this phrase is handy in situations like not knowing how to assemble a piece of IKEA furniture.
"Saying 'I don’t know' in this context would be sort of like saying, 'I don’t know, and I don’t care to find out,'" Dr. Yang says. "Saying something like, 'We can figure it out together' demonstrates your interest in finding the solution and collaborating."
What Not To Say When You Don't Know Something
Anything untrue or that unfairly passes the buck to another person. For example, McGeehan advises against phrases like, "This was so and so's job to know the information, not mine."
"This deferral of responsibility is childish and will negatively impact how other people see you in the workplace and your personal relationships," Dr. McGeehan explains.
Related: 11 Phrases That Emotionally Immature People Often Say, According to Mental Health Experts
When to Just Say 'I Don't Know'
If it's true and you're comfortable using it, there's probably nothing wrong with using the phrase, "I don't know."
"If you are ever asked a question that you don't know the answer to, it is better to be honest than try to make something up," Dr. Schiff says. "People will respect you for acknowledging the things you don't know rather than pretending you do and perhaps giving inaccurate information and leading someone astray."
Dr. McGeehan agrees, emphasizing that parents, in particular, can use the phrase as a teachable moment.
"This honesty is beautiful in parenting because you are modeling that it's OK to not know everything," Dr. McGeehan says. "It teaches our children that when they don't know something, they can always go out and find the answer themselves, which is a powerful lesson for a child. It will lead to resiliency and grit later down the road along with a more trusting relationship with their parents."
Next: 9 Phrases To Replace Asking 'How Are You?' When Greeting Someone, According to Psychologists
Sources
Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist
Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., the founder of Balanced Awakening
Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with South County Psychiatry
Dr. Erisa M. Preston, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and Mindpath Health, regional psychotherapy director in California
