20 Wedding Don'ts That Are Actually Wedding Dos
It might feel like there are a lot of etiquette rules surrounding nuptials, but it turns out a lot of 'em are old-school and made to be broken.
Good news: According to Lizzy Elingson and Nevin Shetty, founders of Blueprint Registry, men are now more involved in the wedding process, from registry gift selection to floral arrangements. "When both the bride and the groom are involved in the process, it creates a wedding that is more truly reflective of who the couple is."
It's not a wedding faux pas to save paper anymore. "In the age of paperless-billing and eco-friendly weddings, evites are becoming more acceptable to send to guests," says Tiffany Hayden, owner of the wedding planning company Detailed. "Especially with resources like Paperless Post and Canva, which create and send gorgeous invitations."
"Though we have not forgone paper invitations, RSVP cards are not seen as an essential component of them," says Courtney Geigle, co-owner of My Wed Style. "Many couples provide a link to a website where guests can RSVP digitally, as well as a phone number for those who aren't web literate." This also makes it easy to change the RSVP status, communicate with the couple about special dietary requests and more.
Dee Gaubert, a wedding planner in Los Angeles and owner of No Worries Event Planning, says more and more couples aren't having bridesmaids or groomsmen for several reasons: "This defuses a huge amount of tension and means no more long lists of measurements and style numbers to organize for bridesmaid gowns and tuxes for the parties."
"Today it's completely normal to see a man-of-honor or a best woman at the altar next to the couple," says Anne Chertoff, editor and owner of Twirl Weddings. "And for the bride's side to have men standing and for women to stand on the groom's side." Sometimes, even pets are included (how adorable?).
"In my experience, bringing mom, grandma or even the groom to a bachelorette has become a wedding 'do,'" says Pamela Cash, teacher at The Artful Bachelorette. "I've seen that brides have a different and much more open relationship with their families these days." She even says sometimes the mom is the wildest one in the bunch!
Okay, this "do" is very much on a case by case basis. "Not that it's totally wrong these days, but people often have 'all white weddings,'" says Amanda Holding, wedding coordinator at La Bonne Cuisine Catering and Events in Oakland, California. "Our company owners got married recently in a destination wedding in Mexico, and all the guests wore white."
Traditionally, a big "do" used to be that the wedding should be in the bride's hometown, but Kris Konopka, president of Classic Limousines of Columbus, Inc, says he sees much less of that in today's world: "Destination weddings are becoming more and more popular and brides and grooms are picking destinations that feel important to them."
There's a reason first looks and first touches have become increasingly popular: "Couples like to have their moment alone and then get some pictures out of the way before the ceremony," says Hayden.
"There are also all kinds of color wedding dresses these days. It's not just white and Ivory," says Holding. "I see a lot of blush, I've seen hot pink, it really is whatever the bride wants to do."
According to Diane Gottsman, a National Etiquette Expert, not all bridesmaids dresses have to match — in fact, mismatched dresses have become a new trend. "Each girl can buy a dress of her choosing (with the brides approval) that she can wear again later."
If you've seen those "pick a seat not a side" signs, you're probably aware that no longer do you have to sit on the groom's side just because you know him best. "Since the families are joining, the concept is that after the ceremony, they will all be one family anyway!" explains Holding.
"The tradition of the dad walking the bride down the aisle is kind of fading away, says Holding. "More often than not, I see the mom and the dad walk the bride down the aisle." Sometimes the mom and the dad of the groom walk him down the aisle. too.
"Now brides and grooms are serving Champagne before the ceremony," say Elingson and Shetty. It's not uncommon to find a small bar with signature cocktails sitting at the front of the ceremony location so guests can enjoy a beverage during the vows.
"I think the concept of a receiving line is kind of old news," says Holding. "People often do a group picture right when the ceremony is over instead." This allows the couple to capture all of their loved ones in a snapshot right after they said their vows.
"Many couples have opted for alternatives to a traditional wedding cake," says Chertoff. "Today you have couples skipping the cake altogether for everything from candy bars and donuts to ice cream trucks to pastries served at the table." Hey, if it tastes good, who cares?
"Many brides have decided to skip this tradition, as well as the garter toss completely," says Chertoff. "An alternative idea that became popular in the 21st century is honoring a key woman in the bride's life, such as her mom or grandmother, by calling her up and 'gifting' her the bride's bouquet in front of everyone at the reception."
"Many experts are still on the fence, but having a honeymoon registry is generally accepted these days," says Gaubert. "Cash registries are starting to become mainstream and are gaining acceptance." That way, guests can gift the couple what they really want.
"For decades the wedding toasts were limited to dads, the best man and the maid of honor, but today's couples want to say thank you to all of their guests too," says Chertoff. This is especially common if the couple is hosting the wedding (read: paying for it).
"More couples are opting to not go on their honeymoon right after the wedding, but waiting anywhere from a few weeks to a year to finally take it," say Elingson and Shetty. For some, timing just isn't right and they'll be able to enjoy their trip more if they postpone it for the future.
20 Wedding Don'ts That Are Actually Wedding Dos
It might feel like there are a lot of etiquette rules surrounding nuptials, but it turns out a lot of 'em are old-school and made to be broken.
Apparently, a lot of wedding rules now longer apply wen it comes to tradition and etiquette.
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