33 Spouses Shared The Hysterically Random Things They Learned About Their Partner After Getting Married
Not too long ago, we published a series of posts where married people revealed the hilariously weird and totally unexpected things they learned about their partners after moving in with them, and we asked readers in the BuzzFeed Community to chime in with their own stories. Here are some of their responses, along with the most memorable stories from the original posts:
1."I learned that my husband holds his balls when he sleeps — almost all night. If he's sleeping on his stomach or side, he doesn't, but as soon as he lies on his back, he holds on tightly, like they're gonna run away or something. It cracks me up!"
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—Brianna Pelluso, Facebook
2."My husband sleepwalks. He doesn't do anything dangerous, but he does often pee in the dog's water bowl!"
"Luckily, I always hear it and get the dog a new bowl for the night."
—Breana Gorum, Facebook
3."I learned that my husband snores when he is awake and relaxed. He can be watching TV in bed but will start snoring — eyes open, engaging in conversation, laughing, then snoring."
—Amber Gavin, Facebook
4."My wife makes sex noises while she sleeps. I didn't tell her about it until after she went on a weekend trip with her friends and they said something about it."
5."When we first moved in together, I learned that my husband sits down to pee. I thought it was weird, until he explained that he had four sisters. At least I never have to worry about dribbles or the seat being left up!"
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—Karyn Green, Facebook
6."I learned that my husband only eats his cereal out of glasses — he refuses to eat it out of a bowl. Soup, salad, whatever else, is fine in a bowl. But cereal? Nope, he needs a goddamn glass."
—Liz Anne, Facebook
7."My husband turns on the shower while he poops — not to shower afterward, just because he 'likes the steam.'"
8."He eats THE ENTIRE APPLE — the core, stem, seeds, everything!"
—Ava Stevens, Facebook
9."My husband taps his foot — like, all the time. When he's sitting, when he's lying down, even in his sleep. I thought it was a weird comfort thing, but all three of our kids do the same thing!"
—Kate Larsen, Facebook
10."I learned that my fiancé runs in his sleep. As in SPRINTING!"
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—Darcy Caldwell, Facebook
11."He chews bubble gum for 30 seconds, then swallows it. He'll do it with 10–20 pieces of gum back-to-back — chews them, then swallows them like they're Skittles!"
—Shena Carpenter, Facebook
12."I learned that my wife likes to pee in the shower...when I'm in the shower with her."
13."I was friends with my husband for 16 years before we got engaged and moved in together. That's when I found out that he insists on sleeping fully clothed. Not in, like, a T-shirt and pajama bottoms — in his friggin' jeans, shirt, and even his shoes!"
14."I found out that my wife is afraid of the dark. But not just random, dark, creepy, haunted-looking buildings and such. She's afraid to the point where, if she is alone, she has to sleep with a night-light or, if the hallway is dark, she needs me to walk with her."
15."He sleeps with pieces of tissue in his ears because he believes his ears leak wax. I've never seen this happen."
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"I found it gross in the beginning, but seven years in, I just pick up those tissue bits from the bedroom floor without bother."
16."My wife talks in her sleep. And not like, 'I forgot milk.' More like, 'Do you think hot dogs are steak dicks?'"
17."My husband speaks what sounds like a foreign language in his sleep. It used to freak me out, but now I just tell him to shut up and he does. I always tell him he must be reliving a past life in his sleep."
—Melanie Carpenter, Facebook
18."I learned that my wife has a blanket she literally chews holes in. She's had it for about 20 years, and it looks like a plague blanket."
—Pasha Bahsoun, Facebook
19."My husband's talking has no off switch. If I'm not listening, he just talks to himself. He has full-on conversations with himself in the shower. He pauses YouTube videos to give commentary. He's pretty much only quiet when he sleeps...and even then, he snores!"
"But I love him to bits, and the house feels weird when he's not here chattering away."
20."My husband sleeps with one arm straight up in the air."
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—Kassandra Nicole Bain, Facebook
21."I learned that my husband saves pictures from Facebook, then screenshots them and deletes the original. We've been married for eight years, and I just realized he does this."
—Audie Scheele, Facebook
22."I learned my husband prefers to sleep upside down, as in his head going where your feet usually go."
"And he likes to rewind the DVR to watch the commercials again!"
—DeAnna Bryant, Facebook
23."He air-boxes when he thinks no one's around. It always gets me laughing!"
—Hannah Torres Ammel, Facebook
24."She likes to walk around the house with one sock on and one sock off."
25."I didn't find out until we were married that my husband doesn't use nail clippers — he just picks his fingernails and toenails to shorten them. It makes me extremely uncomfortable."
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26."My husband has the worst night terrors and will scream at the top of his lungs in the dead of night. The first time it happened, I literally thought he was being murdered next to me! Now I can tell when he's working himself up, so I gently rub his back until he calms down."
27."He likes to slap his own booty when he gets out of the shower. He has a certain beat that he keeps, and it's so very loud!"
28."Her shoes. Shoes in the living room, shoes in the hall, shoes in the bathroom, shoes in the other bathroom, shoes under the kitchen table, shoes under the coffee table, shoes next to the bed, shoes under the bed, shoes on the bed. Shoes."
29."My husband irons all of his clothes. I'm talking swim trunks, T-shirts, underwear, and even socks! He refuses to wear anything that he hasn't pressed."
30."My husband brushes his teeth with scalding-hot water. He thinks it gets his teeth cleaner."
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31."My husband spills something at least once a day. I only spill, like, once a month, but with him, it’s every single MFing day."
32."My ex used to undress completely to poop, then had to take an entire shower afterward. We had to schedule our days around his poops."
And finally:
33."I learned that my husband says the weirdest, creepiest things in his sleep. My favorite was when he said 'meat tenderizer,' and most recently when he scooted right up to my ear and whispered, 'CRUNCH.' It was horrifying...and hilarious."
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What about you? Did you learn something hilarious or totally random about your partner after you moved in together? Tell us about it in the comments section, and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.