6 Red Flags You Have an Emotionally Immature Partner and How to Deal, According to a Psychologist

Woman with emotionally immature partner arguing on the couch

Your partner is over 18. Yet, if you're being completely honest, you often feel like you're dealing with a tantrum-prone toddler. Your main squeeze may be emotionally immature.

"Emotional immaturity is a term that refers to one’s inability to deal with emotions in a healthy and constructive way," says Dr. Beth Pausic, PsyD., a psychologist and the vice president of clinical excellence at Kooth Digital Health. 

While opposites attract, Dr. Pausic says that people with wide gaps in emotional maturity may struggle to develop and maintain a meaningful bond.

"If you aren’t aligned with someone, it can negatively affect your ability to have healthy and balanced interactions," Dr. Pausic says. "While there are many variables that can cause friction if someone is stuck at a different level of emotional maturity, it can be hard to feel like the relationship can grow and be sustained."

Understanding red flags that you and yours aren't on the same level can save you time and heartache. Dr. Pausic revealed signs that your partner is emotionally immature and what to do. 

Related: 15 Signs You're Married to an Emotionally Unavailable Husband, According to Experts

6 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Immature, According to a Psychologist

1. Lack of self-awareness and reflection.

Emotionally immature people may not understand how their words and actions affect others. For this reason, you may not be able to point to a time when they said, "I'm sorry."

"Lack of self-awareness and reflection may be evident when they are unable to take accountability or understand how their behavior can hurt those around them," Dr. Pausic says. "They may say something hurtful and not take responsibility for the outcome."

2. Low frustration tolerance.

Everyone gets frustrated from time to time. Emotional maturity isn't about never experiencing certain uncomfortable feelings. It's about how a person copes and reacts to it. When an emotionally immature person gets frustrated—and they do so easily—they may react in unproductive ways.

"They may get angry or walk away from a situation because they are not equipped to handle it," Dr. Pausic says. "With difficulty regulating emotions, frustration can be a trigger point. This may show up when they are faced with stressful situations or feel like they aren’t getting their own way."

3. The blame game.

People with emotional immaturity may not just refuse to take accountability.

"There is a tendency to point the finger at others and react disproportionately to the situation," Dr. Pausic says.

4. Constantly seeking approval

Emotionally immature people can come off as malicious. However, deep down, they are often struggling and want acceptance.

"These individuals suffer from low self-esteem and insecurity," Dr. Pausic says. "These factors, coupled with an inability to process emotions, lead to looking to others for validation and approval."

5. Impulsivity

Chilling with an emotionally immature partner can be a rollercoaster. You might get whiplash from their zero-to-100 tendencies when things go slightly awry. Sometimes, it can get downright ugly and abusive, which you don't deserve.

"These individuals may be prone to emotional outbursts and will become verbally abusive with behaviors such as name-calling," Dr. Pausic says.

6. Lack of empathy

Empathy is a hallmark sign of an emotionally mature person. Naturally, a lack of it is a red flag of the opposite. 

"It can be challenging for these individuals to see the perspective and understand how others are feeling," Dr. Pausic says. "They tend to be self-centered and don’t have the ability to take others into consideration." 

Related: 11 Phrases That Emotionally Immature People Often Say, According to Mental Health Experts

How to Deal With an Emotionally Immature Partner

1. Set boundaries

Dr. Pausic says boundaries are crucial in healthy relationships, but they're especially important in ones with emotionally immature partners.

"If you are in a relationship with an emotionally immature partner, it is likely that you experience a fair amount of drama and discord," Dr. Pausic says. "Be clear on what behaviors you are willing to accept. Don’t engage with them when emotions are heightened."

2. Be supportive

You may genuinely care for your partner and be privy to things—like abusive childhoods—that may be triggering difficulties with emotional regulation.

"You can acknowledge that they are struggling to deal with their emotions," Dr. Pausic says. "Modeling empathic and supportive behavior can be a helpful way for them to understand different ways of reacting in situations. Reinforce times when they are showing signs of increased maturity and awareness."

3. Consider professional support

Mental health providers can help. Should you seek couples therapy, go alone or ask your partner to go by themselves? 

"You can talk to a mental health professional about the challenges you are facing in the relationship and get recommendations unique to your situation," Dr. Pausic says. "You may also suggest this as an option to your partner so they can better understand areas in which they can work to improve their emotional maturity." 

In other words, it's up to you (and you can do all three if you think that'll benefit you). The important thing is you take care of yourself and your feelings.

Up Next: 6 Genius Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt, According to 'Worthy' Author Jamie Kern Lima

Source

• Dr. Beth Pausic, PsyD., psychologist and the vice president of clinical excellence at Kooth Digital Health