8 Phrases That Are Simple, Effective Ways To 'Check In' With Your Partner
Couple sitting across from each other to have a check in conversation
It’s no secret that falling in love is one of the best experiences. You feel butterflies in your stomach whenever you’re together. You can’t stop thinking about one another when you’re apart. And your world is suddenly a brighter place because you have someone by your side to go through life with. It’s basically like you’re the main characters of your very own romantic comedy.
However, love can be a funny thing, because while it can be the stuff of storybooks and movies, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows—at least not 100 percent of the time. Sometimes it can be downright confusing, but that’s completely normal. Every couple goes through ups and downs. From Barbie and Ken, to Mr. Big and Carrie, to Bella and Edward, relationship struggles are something everyone goes through at one point or another.
That’s why psychologists Dr. Martha Deiros Collado and Dr. Nadia Teymoorian say checking in with your partner is so important. In fact, they tell Parade it’s the key to maintaining a strong relationship and making it last.
“To keep your relationship healthy, checking in with your partner shows you appreciate them and that they are a priority,” Teymoorian explains. Collado agrees, adding, “It can also help you understand your partners’ perspective and address any gaps in the relationship before they become issues.”
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How Do I 'Check In' With My Partner Emotionally?
When it comes to checking in with your significant other, Teymoorian says it’s all about being present and showing that you value them. “Too often, couples forget why they fell in love and grow apart,” she points out. That’s why emotionally checking in with them face to face (or over the phone) is so important because it creates intimacy.
“Ways of checking in can be as simple as showing gratitude for your partner’s contribution to your family, or when they show sensitivity to your needs, by thanking them for noticing your feelings,” she shares. “It demonstrates respect through your words and actions.”
How To Start a 'Check In' With Your Partner
Oftentimes, people are nervous because they aren’t sure how to go about checking in with their partner if they’ve never done it before. However, our experts say there’s no need to be. “Checking in does not have to be a grand jester,” Teymoorian tells Parade.
Collado says there’s even a couple of ways to go about it. “Some people check in with their partners over a casual conversation and when it feels right to do so, like if they’re out on a walk,” she reveals. “Other people prefer to schedule time to talk, like after they’ve had dinner while they’re sitting side by side on the sofa with a warm drink. Every couple is different, and there is no right or wrong way to go about it.”
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8 Phrases That Are Simple, Effective Ways To 'Check In' With Your Partner
If you need a little help coming up with things to say to your significant other as a way of checking in, Collado and Teymoorian have you covered.
1. “Are we doing ok?”
Teymoorian says this is a great way to get your partner’s feedback about your relationship so you can see what you can do to help them feel as loved as you feel.
“Sometimes we think or believe everything is great, and our partners are not thinking the same thing,” she explains. “By asking this question, you are checking in on how things between you are going and making sure you are doing your part to be equal partners and assure they are happy too.”
2. “Is there anything coming up in the next week/month that you need me to be aware of? How can I help?”
Asking your partner this question is never a bad idea because Collado says it shows you have their back. “Good partners support each other, but sometimes it’s hard to offer support when you don’t know what the other person has coming up,” she states. “That’s why openly discussing this and how you can assist them (or show interest in what the other is doing) can be useful.”
3. “I want you to know you are precious to me.”
Sometimes checking in with your partner doesn’t have to involve asking them a question. Instead, it involves you sharing a sweet thought you have about them either in person, over FaceTime, or through text. “Letting your partner know you’re thinking about them during your busy day shows appreciation and nurtures your connection to one another,” Teymoorian explains. “Telling them how you feel about them reinforces your intentions and feelings for the person you are sharing a life with. Plus, it can make their day better.”
Related: 11 Phrases That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists
4. “How are you doing today?”
While this question may seem simple, it’s something you should make sure you’re asking your significant other. “By asking your partner how they are doing, you are showing interest and concern,” Teymoorian says. “It reassures them that there is someone in their corner that sees them and hears them.”
5. “What’s something I’ve done in the past week that’s made you feel appreciated?”
Get inside your partner’s head and find out what some specific things are that you’ve done for them that made them feel loved by asking them this question. Collado says it’s good to discuss this because the topic of the conversation will focus on what each partner can continue to do to make their relationship with each other better, which helps bring them closer.
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6. “How do you feel about how we split up responsibilities around the house?”
If you’re married or living with your partner, Collado advises couples to ask each other this question to avoid tension about it down the road. “We often get into roles at home without discussing it,” she shares. “Sometimes this works, and other times it doesn’t. However, talking about this regularly can help you avoid stress and resentment about it, as well as find a way to divide the emotional labor of household chores between you both more equally.”
7. “I need some alone time with you, let's go on a date!”
Being direct and letting your partner know when you need more quality time together is another way to check in. It might not be something you’re used to doing, but Teymoorian says sometimes it’s necessary if one person starts to feel like the other isn’t giving their relationship as much attention as they’d like them to. “This makes your partner aware of your needs and desires, because it will not happen if the other person is unaware,” she tells Parade.
Related: 8 Phrases To Replace Saying 'It's OK' When It's Really Not OK, According to Psychologists
8. “What’s something we should celebrate that we’ve done really well as a couple this month?”
Learning to communicate as a couple can be tough at times, so if you and your partner have been working at it, Collado wants you to give yourselves some credit by complimenting each other and then doing something to celebrate it. You can plan a special date night, get each other a card and write a sweet note inside, or buy your significant other flowers. Doing so shows that you’ve noticed that they’ve been putting in effort to make your relationship strong. “It’s always nice to talk about something positive you feel is going well in your relationship,” she says.
