The Bachelorette's Peter Is Coming Back

From ELLE

Well, well, well, look who's slinking back on to our televisions to charm us with his affection for dogs and his perfect hair only to crush our hearts betwixt his perfectly gapped teeth.

Peter, that salt-and-pepper snack, will be appearing on The Bachelor Winter Games per a set of woefully unspecific tweet from Bachelor producer Mike Fleiss.

Winter Games is a new spinoff of the popular franchise, that pits memorable contestants against each other in athletic challenges whilst they also ostensibly look for love. On the one hand, this seems very complicated. How are people supposed to flirt with each other while also slaloming or whatever they're doing? Cool Runnings was not a romcom and do you know why? Because witty banter is really hard with a helmet on. Fact.

That said, The Cutting Edge is the best sports-related romcom ever filmed so hopefully this new Bachelor is more like that. What I'm saying is put Peter in a pair of ice skates and make him (toe) pick the right one this time.

OMG, Peter and Rachel are SUCH a Doug and Kate. I can hardly stand it. I actually don't need Winter Games, thanks. The only winter activity I need is Peter reenacting that new Kate Winslet and Idris Elba movie The Mountain Between Us by traveling through snowy cliffs to prove his dedication to Rachel. There's still hope, Peter! (I mean, there's not. She's marrying Bryan. But if you've ever seen the beginning of a romcom, you know that one person being otherwise engaged is a minor plot point at best.)

You know how some people refuse to acknowledge that Obama isn't president anymore? That's how I feel about Peter. I haven't even learned his last name; his last name is Lindsey because he married Rachel and took her last name and they're rolling around some Midwestern dog park giggling happily right at this moment.

I loved Hillary's book, but the person I really need a What Happened tome from is Peter because I cannot accept that that photo is reality.

This is the only reality I'm living in, thank you very much:

So, where does this leave us? I'm glad to have Peter, the product of a 90s affair between George Clooney and Patrick Dempsey, back on my television screen every week. I will be rooting for him to land a triple axel or do all the curling or whatever it is they have them doing. But a piece of my heart will always hold out hope for a surprise upset on the medal stand. USA! USA! USA!

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