How I Built Up My Confidence in College After Years of Not Fitting In
When I was in high school, I was a total romantic and spent a lot of time thinking about boys. I loved to daydream about my crushes, and I'd convince myself we were destined to be a couple.
The truth is, I didn't date anyone in high school. I had two best guy friends - Mark and John - but no "boyfriends." I wanted to be in a relationship, but no one ever asked me out. You see, I grew up in a small New England town where the beauty ideal was very traditional and seemingly flawless: blonde hair, blue eyes, legs for days. In my mind, that meant anyone who didn't look that way was considered unattractive. I started to doubt everything about myself, from my curvy build to the gap in my teeth. I never felt beautiful.
Junior year, I didn't expect anyone to ask me to prom, and I made peace with that. So I was shocked when John invited me. It was one of the best things a friend could have ever done. For the first time, I felt like a guy had seen me. And then senior year, it happened again! Mark invited me. I never dreamed I'd even go to prom once, so going twice was exhilarating and even more satisfying. Those dates were great first steps to helping me build up my confidence.
When I left my small town and attended Boston University, I truly began to accept myself. The school's diverse culture embraced everything that I am, so instead of feeling defeated like I did back home, I started to think about what I did value about myself, tooth gap and all. And then the craziest thing happened: My beauty radiated from within. Guys started asking me to dance when I went out and, yes, during my very first semester I started dating. It felt amazing.
You don't need to wait to get to college to find your confidence. Take whatever it is you like about yourself - even if it's your pinkie toes - and walk around every day saying, "You know what? I have really great pinkie toes." Eventually that positive feeling will seep into every part of who you are, and the people around you will see it too. Also, never forget the people who already notice the amazing things about you. To this day, I'm still close to my high school friends - I even brought Mark as my date to the SAG Awards this year!
And I know it's easier said than done, but try your best not to second-guess yourself. You are enough, just as you are.
Catch Orange Is the New Black when it returns for its 4th season June 17th on Netflix.
