What to Do If Your Child Is Fat-Shamed at the Doctor's Office
For many parents, taking their child to the pediatrician can bring mixed emotions. Our mutual goal is to ensure your child is growing and developing as they should, and yet parts of the visit, such as conversations around weight, can be tricky.
We pediatricians use weight to track growth, and it’s one of many indicators of overall health. But how it’s discussed can sometimes make children feel self-conscious or ashamed.
More from SheKnows
As the body positivity movement rises and we learn more about the harmful effects of body shaming, it’s more important than ever for parents and healthcare providers to approach weight with sensitivity and care. Here’s how to ensure those critical growth checks don’t turn into a moment that negatively impacts your child’s self-image.
Why Weight Is Still Part of the Conversation
Weight, along with height, provides an important snapshot of a child’s growth and can help identify potential health concerns. When tracked over time, weight gain or loss can signal issues ranging from nutritional deficiencies to metabolic or hormonal imbalances.
But here’s where nuance comes in: weight is just one part of a larger picture. No single number tells the whole story of a child’s health, and focusing exclusively on weight can overlook other key factors like physical activity, emotional well-being, and nutrition.
How to Keep Conversations Positive and Constructive
As a parent, you are arguably the most important influence in how your child perceives their body. When the topic of weight comes up at the pediatrician’s office, here are some ways to ensure the discussion remains productive without veering into potentially harmful territory:
Ask for a Holistic Approach to Health
At the start of the visit, it is okay to set the tone by asking the pediatrician to take a whole-body approach to your child’s health. Rather than focusing solely on weight, encourage discussions that include other markers of well-being, like energy levels, sleep quality, physical activity, and nutrition.
When weight is discussed, ask the doctor to explain it in terms of growth patterns and overall health rather than as an isolated number. For example, a conversation about the trajectory of your child’s growth chart can help them understand how their body is developing without placing undue emphasis on the current number on the scale.
Focus on Healthy Behaviors, Not Specific Numbers.
If your pediatrician suggests weight management is necessary, steer the conversation toward actionable, healthy behaviors rather than an arbitrary weight goal. Ask for tips to help your child and your whole family focus on balanced eating, regular physical activity, and adequate sleep, which are all important for growth and development, regardless of size.
Most pediatricians are skilled at navigating these conversations. To give you a sense, you should hear something like, “How can we help you get enough fruits and veggies and spend some time outside playing every day?” and not, “We need to lower your weight.” This type of language focuses on health rather than appearance, which can help your child develop a positive relationship with food and exercise.
Be Mindful of Language
The language used around weight matters. Terms like overweight, obese, heavy, or even fat can feel stigmatizing, especially to children with a developing self-image. Avoid using them yourself, and if your pediatrician does, it’s okay to speak up. You can say, “We don’t use those words at our house,” and instead ask them to focus on “growth goals.”
Encouraging respectful, neutral language helps foster a positive environment where children feel safe discussing their bodies.
Prepare Your Child Ahead of Time
Before the appointment, consider talking to your child about what to expect at the doctor’s office. Explain that the doctor might talk about how they’re growing and ask questions about what they eat or how much they play outside. Frame these questions as a normal part of staying healthy rather than something to be nervous about.
This helps them view their health holistically from the start.
Shift Focus Away From Body Size
It’s nearly impossible to learn your child’s unique qualities in a 20-minute office visit, though hopefully, your pediatrician will get to know you and your family over time. As a parent, you can remind kids that their kindness, creativity, and curiosity are as important as their physical health after you leave the office.
At home, focus on your child’s achievements, skills, or efforts in different areas. This helps build a strong sense of self-worth that isn’t tied to physical size or appearance.
What to Do If the Conversation Becomes Harmful
Even with the best intentions, there are times when weight conversations in the office can still feel uncomfortable. If this happens, advocating for your child in the moment is important. It’s okay to remind the doctor that you prefer to focus on overall health, not weight, or ask to discuss concerns privately if your child is present.
If you feel that your pediatrician’s approach continues to leave your child feeling negatively about their body image, it might be worth seeking out a provider who is more aligned with a body-positive philosophy.
Before you go, stock up on these essentials for cold and flu season:
Best of SheKnows
Sign up for SheKnows' Newsletter. For the latest news, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
