Coping Tips for Sexual Assault Survivors
It’s a hard time to be online. It seems that no matter where you look - and even if you aren’t actively looking - you’re going to run into a headline, an article, a tweet thread, Facebook post, Instagram post, auto-playing video, thinkpiece, or op-ed about sexual assault. (And that’s on top of all the other terrible news out there.) After Harvey Weinstein’s predatorial history within the film industry was made public last month, it feels as though every day more and more abuse is being uncovered, and unraveled - news about sexual predators famous and not-so-famous, and discussion of what we should do about them, and analysis of what we should do about why they’ve done what they’ve done to begin with.
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There is much that’s good about this upswelling of anger and rage and frustration. It is good that serial assaulters and harassers are stepping down from their posts; it is good that we are having these conversations in public, in media, everywhere. It is good that we are thinking about power imbalances, and abuse, and control; it is good that we are forcing people - mostly men - to consider what they have never had to consider before, and to make themselves accountable.
But as an onslaught of content served across news and social platforms, it is also very bad for survivors of sexual assault and harassment. For many of us, this news cycle is resurfacing a lot of trauma, often in unexpected ways, and it’s affecting us in unexpected ways.
We’re spending a huge portion of our days reading intimate, harrowing details of incidents that mirror experiences we’ve had.
We’re being challenged - or challenging ourselves - to reconsider and even relive those experiences, looking at them through a new and sometimes tragic lens.
We're being forced to ensure our perspectives are accurately represented, and respected; to engage with victim-blaming narratives as well as the insensitivity of those who would have us speak up before we’re ready.
And it often means that we are being asked, simply, to hold the pain of others when it's shared in public - pain that is very similar to our own.
In trauma response work, which is my day job, you spend a lot of time with other people’s stories and histories - whether that’s responding to large-scale trauma from a communications and messaging perspective, as I do, or working with clients one on one, as crisis counselors do. It’s hard but necessary work, and as such, we’re especially conscious of how to take care of ourselves. And there’s a principle in trauma response work that I find helpful when considering the current toll this news cycle has taken on me, as a survivor myself, and the people in my life. It’s called vicarious trauma, and it refers specifically to what counselors themselves experience. Vicarious trauma, also known as secondary traumatic stress or compassion fatigue, isn’t the same thing as burnout, rather, it's about being in a heightened state of tension and preoccupation directly as a result of taking on other people’s emotional pain.
And in reading and processing the details of countless cases of abuse and assault, many of us are experiencing something very similar to vicarious trauma. It manifests in different ways: you might be feeling hypervigilant, or irritable, or sad, or stressed out. You might be having dreams about your experience or the experiences of others. You might be jumpy or easy to startle; you might be losing sleep, or sleeping too much; under-eating or eating more than you’re used to. All of these are valid emotional responses. It’s okay to feel these things, and furthermore, it’s okay to take them seriously.
It’s not weak to feel bad when bad things are happening, it’s human
There are a few ways to cope and address with the emotional impact of a now six-week-long - and possibly, probably longer still - news cycle fixated on sexual assault and abuse of power. First, it’s important to recognize the effect it’s having on you. It may be that you feel fine, and that’s okay! But you might also not feel fine, and not know how to acknowledge that. It’s not weak to feel bad when bad things are happening, it’s human.
A good way to re-center yourself is to pay attention to your body. Take a moment to focus on your breathing. Do a full-body scan - starting from the tip of your toes, focus on each part of your body, moving up, asking where it hurts, where it doesn't, where you’re carrying tension. Move slowly up your body until you reach the top of your head. Afterwards, take a few deep breaths. It’s incredible what just slowing down and taking ten deep breaths can do for your well-being.
Turning our gaze to the outside world can also be an active endeavor. For many survivors, these complicated feelings are manifesting in rage and a desire to do something. Channeling those feelings into activism and community building is a way to take control of the conversation and concretely make changes in your life and the lives of others. Joining forces with other survivors and other people who feel the same way you do is an incredible way to find support during a wearying time.
Finally, if you’re at all able to do so: Unplug every once in a while. Spending some time outside and looking at the world around you can help put some distance between you and the news, even if it’s just a walk around your block for a few minutes. If you can log off, log off. If you can turn off notifications, turn them off. You don’t have to read everything; you do not have to investigate everything. These conversations are important, but you don’t have to be part of all of them. Your well-being is important too. And we can best take care of each other when we are taking care of ourselves.
Follow Larissa on Twitter.
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