Parents overwhelmed by the coronavirus crisis should read this reassuring book
Our editorial team is dedicated to finding and telling you more about the products and deals we love. If you love them too and decide to purchase through the links below, we may receive a commission.
There are a lot of experts out there who suggest an overwhelming list of things we should be doing to make our kids’ lives better. Especially now that we’re expected to home school our children while juggling work, all as we’re cramped up inside our houses social distancing from the world during the coronavirus pandemic.
But my new book, You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids, promises to make your life easier by doing less. Yes, that’s right.
Parents today are under a lot of pressure to be “perfect.” From the moment that little line turns pink, we’re supposed to follow the “pregnancy rules,” (You’re eating for two! But don’t gain too much weight!), deliver our babies a certain way (epidurals are sometimes shunned, but no one brags about an “all-natural root canal”), breastfeed for the recommended amount of time (but stop before it gets creepy), discipline sternly (while maintaining our status as our kids’ “best friend”), follow archaic screen time rules, only serve organic, homemade food (preferably Instagrammable green smoothies served in mason jars)… and the list goes on and on. It’s exhausting. And hard to keep up with the ever-changing goals.
You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids offers an antidote to all that stress. I dig into the research to explain why the so-called “rules” are anything but. I’ve read most of the boring parenting books (so you will never have to). And I’ve interviewed more than 50 families around the U.S. I relay their stories so you’ll never feel alone in your decisions again.
The result is a book that will make you feel less judged as a parent, and will arm you with the resources to deflect any feelings of shame you may feel about the way you’re raising your children. For example:
When it comes to screen time, Dr. Jenny Radesky, the pediatrician who co-wrote the American Academy of Pediatrics screen time guidelines, says in my book that it’s “bananas” to prevent your kids from ever looking at a screen. Even her kids watch YouTube. Right now, we can relax ALL the rules on screen time. Occasionally, we should try to connect what our kids are seeing on screen to what they’re experiencing in real life. Example: “Remember how the Paw Patrol helped their community by saving the day? We can help our community by washing our hands!” We should make sure our kids are watching relatively age-appropriate shows (avoid Breaking Bad with your 3-year-old), and designate certain times of day as screen time-free to give everyone a break, such as during dinner or one hour every evening. When life returns to normal, we’ll be able to lessen our kids’ expectation of 24/7 screen time by simply saying, “During the virus, we spent a lot of time playing with our tablets. But now that’s over, so let’s go outside and play!” and then sticking with it. Our kids will complain, but they’re resilient and adaptable. So you don’t need to worry about kids becoming addicted forever to screens during what is a surreal moment in history.
It’s totally normal that kids have tantrums, and for parents to yell, discipline experts reveal in the book. Dr. Alan Kazdin, the founder of the Yale Parenting Center, tells me about his invention, “The Tantrum Game” (yep, you read that right), which literally stops kids from screaming before they ever start. As he explains in the book, it only takes a couple of minutes to “play,” and it’ll simplify your life. Or at least make those crazy tantrums less intense.
Getting a meal on the table doesn’t have to be stressful. The meals we eat together do not need to contain organic quinoa steamed with foraged mushrooms and eggs from chickens raised in the backyard. “I don’t think it’s so important for [the meal] to be nutritionally ideal,” Harvard Medical School professor Anne Fishel, cofounder of the Family Dinner Project, says in the book. “The point is not to be the food police.” Family therapist and dietitian Ellyn Satter has developed an eating theory that has revolutionized the way my kids eat. Yep, even my 3-year-old will serve himself vegetables now. It’s two steps, which I reveal in my book. I also reveal the research that kids need a lot of carbs because it helps their brains grow — so you shouldn't feel guilty about your kids filling up on butter and noodles (again).
You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids also delves into the loaded history behind the phrase “having it all” and argues there’s a better question we should be asking people: “Do you have what you need?” The book proves that there is literally no such thing as a “normal” family when you look at America’s population as a whole — despite the endless talk about the two-parent household with a white-picket fence, 2.6 kids, and a dog. And it reveals the one word that can make parenting easier, when it comes to getting your kids to sleep, discipline, and putting food on the table.
The overall takeaway from this book is that there are few things that can screw up a kid (short of neglecting, abusing, or starving your children), and that we must be kinder to ourselves as parents — especially right now as we’re facing a global coronavirus pandemic unlike any we’ve seen in our lifetimes.
Raising a child is joyful, but it’s also expensive and time consuming work that’s not made easier by an Instagram influencer or blogger who writes scary headlines. What sets my book apart is that it gives you the tools to deflect the judgment, and feel like a calmer and happier parent.
And who couldn’t use a little more calm and happiness in their lives?
You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids hit stores on March 31. Follow Lindsay Powers @NoShameParenting.
For the latest coronavirus news and updates, follow along at https://news.yahoo.com/coronavirus. According to experts, people over 60 and those who are immunocompromised continue to be the most at risk. If you have questions, please reference the CDC and WHO’s resource guides.
