Angelica and Thomas tied the knot in 2019. Angelica (34) identifies as Hispanic, while Thomas (38) is from England and identifies as white. Both are finance professionals who live in New York City and have noticed a change in how society views interracial marriages.
Based on societal views do you consider interracial marriage more or less challenging in 2020?
"I would certainly say much less challenging than in my parents and their parents time. However, that does not mean that the challenge does not exist. Think about this: families were attacked and forced out of neighborhoods (take Mariah Carey’s family for example) just because they were interracial. We probably don’t have that anymore, but it doesn’t mean people don’t still talk about it. I think when we can get to a place when an interracial couple walks by and it doesn’t make us do a double take or register, then perhaps we are on our way to full acceptance. This of course is just in America and even then amongst certain racial groups. I would say a lot of pressures come within the family. I grew up with my mother always going on and on that I should never date a Hispanic man for a number of racist, stereotypical reasons. I most certainly ignored her advice, but she always seemed to be less critical of white men I dated," says Angelica. "For my own daughter, I hope she is able to grow up free from negative color or race influence and marry for pure love. I want her to fall in love with a human that treats her fairly, with dignity and respect whether that be male or female, black, white, Latino, Asian, etc."
Thomas adds "I was very lucky to be brought up in a very accepting environment, as generationally that’s not always the case. Although the news recently has provoked a divide of opinions, I think the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle marriage has maybe helped modernize or evolve ‘old-fashioned’ views and opinions. I would hope it’s less challenging in 2020, and beyond."
What does the word interracial mean to you and how does it pertain to your marriage?
"To me, interracial is the merging of two races. I’m not sure the word in particular plays any significant role in my relationship. We view one another as someone we love. I think the elements that make me Latina have more to do with my upbringing than my race. I have always been in somewhat of a limbo when it comes to being Puerto Rican. I seem to never be “Boricua enough” for Puerto Ricans and I am never all-American enough for others. I’ve never felt this with Thomas, perhaps because he is European and I’ve always been enough just as I am. He is one of the most open minded, non-judgmental people I have ever met. With Thomas being English, one of the most obvious qualities is his accent. All of his traditions come from how he was raised. On occasion he will walk in to me blasting La India or some sort of salsa. I’m certainly not oblivious to our vastly different upbringings, but I think that's what makes us so unique. I also believe this creates a lifetime of getting to know one another." says Angelica.
"It means to me that I, my wife and our present and future family will have so much to investigate, explore and learn together. It means we can culturally grow, and actively educate our children to help them understand their identity. It’s very exciting for us to be able to guide them on this journey. For example, learning family histories and combining and even starting traditions, to make many more happy memories." says Thomas.
What advice would you give to someone who is ready for marriage with their significant other, but is afraid their interracial relationship will cause issues?
"This is tough. Family can put so much pressure on us in making some of the most important decisions of our lives. I think I would say envision the life you want to live – who is there? Who supports you in this life? Is therapy something that your partner and family are willing to go to together? My mother and I have never been close for a variety of reasons, mainly because her ignorance keeps her in a place I cannot relate to. As I get older, I realize that I cannot change her, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept her poor behavior either. Instead, I have chosen my little family (my husband, my daughter and my soon to be born son) over trying to enlighten my mother. She still has a small presence in my life, mainly through technology (via texts or photos), but I find myself more at peace with this form of relationship than our previous tumultuous one," mentions Angelica.
"Go for it! Life’s too short. But always communicate these feelings or concerns you have to your significant other. As mentioned, I’m very fortunate to come from an understanding family that only wants what makes me happy." says Thomas.
What have you found to be the most challenging aspects of marriage with your partner in terms of cultural and racial exchanges?
"I will say that we sometimes have communication debacles due to my or his misunderstanding of a text or tone. I think the best example of this was when we first met on Bumble. I asked him what his plans were for the weekend and he responded with ‘What do you have on?’ I was in shock and of course immediately thought – WEIRDO! Seeing that I wasn’t responding, he realized what it sounded like and clarified with what weekend plans I had on… Things like this happen to us quite often as we continue to decode our languages, which while both are English… could mean completely different things!" says Angelica.
"On another note, I will say that I often times will ask him to go to a hostess at a packed restaurant to get us a table – the accent always works. And recently we have been in the midst of searching for a home to purchase and I often pushed him to make inquiries for the simple reason that my last name was Morales and his was Vicary. Unfortunately, while the intention may not be racist, a realtor is more likely to respond to a male Vicary than a female Morales… I think Thomas did not always understand that since he probably never experienced that type of prejudice. My name change is a big deal for me on a variety of levels. For one, my Latin heritage means a lot to me. However, I have chosen to keep Garcia as my middle name and will also be passing this name on to my son (due in April) so that he too will carry a part of my heritage."
"It's the very early days of our marriage, and I acknowledge and embrace the cultural and background differences of our union. We fortunately haven’t come across too many challenging aspects. However, we almost never met initially due to my question of ‘what do you have on?’ in our dating app text exchange. So our differing use and interpretation of the English language (and wider communication) is something we’ve worked on since day one!" Thomas mentions.
