'I Didn’t Have the Support of a Partner'—Cancer Survivor Lauren Shea, 29, Is Now Helping Empower Single Patients
The survivor and social worker has been in her patients' shoes.
Lauren Shea, a 29-year-old psychosocial program specialist for the Women’s Cancers Program at the cancer treatment center City of Hope, can empathize with the patients she works with—because she has been in their shoes.
During the last year of her bachelor’s degree program at UCLA, when she was just 20 years old, Shea felt a strange lump almost the size of a ping poll ball in her throat. She had no other symptoms, so she brushed it off at first—despite being involved with health awareness and education organizations. “I was in public health clubs, specifically a club that teaches young women how to advocate for their health and educates them on being alert to lumps in their breasts," Shea tells Parade. "I had a huge interest in health education and public health—specifically in cancer. But when I felt the lump, even though I was so educated in this, I thought it can’t be anything serious because you always think this would never happen to me.”
A Life-Changing Diagnosis
Fortunately, Shea’s mother, Bridgette Grabowski, who is a nurse, urged her to get it checked out—and after running some tests, doctors discovered Shea had Hodgkin's lymphoma, a cancer that originates in the lymph system—most commonly in the lymph nodes found in the upper body.
Shea and her parents had serious discussions about when and where she should receive treatment. "We discussed my values of being independent, finishing my education and trying to feel as normal as possible," she explains. "Research shows this is common for young adults diagnosed with cancer. [And] my parents shared they would support me with [any] decision."
The diagnosis had a major impact on Shea's life, both personally and professionally. “That's really where my story starts,” Shea says. “I already had an interest in cancer and was thinking about going to grad school, but I didn't know exactly what I wanted to study. And for the next six months after I was diagnosed, I went through treatment and chemo, I lost my hair and I met other young adults with cancer. I was connected to a social worker, I went to support groups—and I just decided at that moment that I [wanted] to dive in.”
After Shea started chemotherapy, the lump disappeared within about two months. "Medicine is amazing!" she says, noting that the only surgery she needed was one to remove the port she had grown to appreciate. "I called it my best friend in treatment because it meant that it saved my arms from being poked."
Treatment was mentally and physically draining, Shea says. "Chemo recovery was difficult. I was in bed for four days, and then as soon as I was feeling 100 percent again, I would be back in the chemotherapy chair. I did this for 12 cycles, every two weeks."
Finding Her Calling
Shea went on to earn a dual master’s degree in public health and social welfare from UCLA—graduating right around the time she finished chemotherapy. Still in her 20s and based in the Los Angeles area, she works with the Women’s Cancers Program at City of Hope and specializes in supporting patients who don’t have spouses, life partners or significant others. Her experience is a valuable asset, she says, because she can relate to patients whose circumstances are similar to hers during her own cancer journey.
"As a 20-year-old trying to finish college, having treatment every two weeks, and balancing clubs, sorority life, friendships and college life, finding a romantic relationship was the last thing on my mind," Shea admits. "However, I did recognize immediately the importance of building a team. We called ourselves 'Team Grabowski' (Shea's maiden name) and it was everything from my mom sleeping on the floor by my bed in case I got sick, to friends bringing me food and studying with me in the library, to strangers praying for me across the world. This experience of creating my own team is what has made me passionate about helping patients build a team and how to communicate their needs."
While the medical professionals help patients with their physical health conditions, she guides patients in caring for their psychological and emotional needs as part of a whole-patient approach called Supportive Care that’s a high priority at City of Hope.
Related: Cancer and Heart Failure Survivor Jen Singer Shares Advice for Navigating Your Healthcare Journey
3 Tips for Navigating This Healthcare Journey
Shea shares some advice for those navigating a healthcare journey, along with sound advice for loved ones who want to support them.
1. Be Open to New Coping Strategies
For most of the patients Shea supports, this is their first experience with cancer—and one of their first lessons is that they will likely need to draw upon new strategies to manage the psychological challenges.
“I tell them, ‘Your previous ways of coping before you were sick may not translate as well now. Maybe before, you were able to take a couple of deep breaths and some sips of water when you were feeling anxious or stressed. But now with cancer, what are you going to do when the doctor may have bad news? Taking deep breaths might not work, so instead maybe you need to bring family members to hold your hand when the doctor is sharing that test news.’”
2. Assemble a Strong Support Team
Another critical lesson Shea stresses to patients: the importance of seeking and accepting support from many different sources. As she knows from firsthand experience, this is especially important (and sometimes more challenging) for those who are single. "I didn’t have the support of having a partner when going through treatment, so I always start by guiding my patients—especially those who are single—through building their team and their support network."
“I ask those patients, ‘How are we going to build your team?’ Because it may not be only one person, like someone who's coupled, but let's look around and ask, ‘What are everyone's strengths? What are they good at?’ If you have a friend who is an amazing advocate and good note-writer, let's bring them into the doctor's office or even call them on their lunch break and have them listen in.”
Shea also urges patients to explore community resources and support networks. “There are some patients who do not have a partner and who may not have a lot of local family or friends. I encourage them to reach out to peer support groups—those are people who are also diagnosed with cancer and can understand what emotions they're going through. Also to reach out to their local social worker, or the county for resources to help with transportation or food. There are so many different resources that can be in someone's community.”
Shea says a good social worker or therapist can be an invaluable resource for both psychological support, as well as connecting the patient to practical resources to assist with a wide range of needs.
3. Ask For Help in Honest and Specific Terms
One of the biggest psychological hurdles many patients face is just asking for help in the first place—something that Shea says is often especially difficult for women. “A lot of my patients are nervous about being a burden to other people. They are used to taking care of everyone else. I always encourage them to start with honesty, and tell them how you're really feeling and then listen to what they're sharing, and then go from there.”
Shea admits this was something she needed to learn herself during her cancer journey. “I had a friend sit me down and say, 'Lauren, it would be an honor to even bring you a meal once a week. This is not a burden to me.’ So, it's trusting that when people offer help, they want to give it.”
Shea explains it is important for both the patient and the people supporting them to be honest and specific about what they need or what kind of help or support they can provide. And to remember that everyone’s experience is different and unique.
She recalls meeting another young woman who was going through cancer treatment at the same time as she was who processed the experience very differently than Shea did. “She wanted to just rest and internalize everything, while I’m an external processor.”
That’s something Shea keeps at the top of her mind in her professional work as well. “I'm so happy that we're moving towards more personalized psychosocial care to where we recognize every patient needs something different. And identifying that proactively rather than reactively to make sure that we're serving their needs.”
Next up, get tips on how to find the right therapist for you.
