'I Felt Overwhelmed': Teen Boys Are Feeling the Pressure of, Basically, Everything
The unfortunate reality of modern living is that adolescence is no longer the carefree time many romanticize it to be. Today’s teens are under pressure and stressed. So stressed that the U.S. Surgeon General is paying attention and issued an advisory emphasizing that “the challenges today’s generation of young people face are unprecedented and uniquely hard to navigate. And the effect these challenges have had on their mental health is devastating.”
With that in mind, it comes as no surprise that more than 90 percent of the teens surveyed on SheKnows’s Teen Council reported feeling stressed “often” or “sometimes.”
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Academics top of the list of pressures teens face, according to a 2019 Pew Research Center study, with 61 percent of teens saying they feel pressure to get good grades and roughly one in five feeling pressure to participate in extracurricular activities and to excel at sports. With college acceptance rates dropping and more students applying to college than before, the pressure isn’t unfounded.
And, the pressures don’t stop there. According to the Pew Study, approximately three in ten teens report they feel a lot of pressure to look good and to fit in socially, and — according to a 2024 WorldMetrics Report — 49 percent of teens report experiencing stress because of peer pressure.
Simmering under that stress, today’s teens are also worried about the future of the world in general. A 2018 American Psychological Association survey found that 75 percent of the teens they surveyed were stressed about gun violence and shootings, and they were more likely than adults to feel stressed by societal issues like climate change, immigration, bullying, gender identity, money, and health. A recent survey of 12- to 17-year-olds found that only one-third of respondents believed things were going well for children and teens today. More distressingly, it also found that less than fifty percent thought they would be better off than the generation before them.
With all those stressors bearing down on Gen Z, teen burnout is becoming increasingly common and more teens report feeling unhappy or hopeless due to stress.
“Kids today are growing up in a culture in which ‘messing up’ and ‘screwing up’ can have what appear to be pretty permanent ramifications. Today’s teenage boys know that boys and men are and can be ‘canceled’ for one mistake,” Jennifer L.W. Fink, author of Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World that Misunderstand Males, and co-host of the ON BOYS parenting podcast tells SheKnows. “They’re also growing up at a time when competition to get into college, especially elite colleges, is extreme, and many have been led to believe that that’s the only path to success. In our efforts (and desire) to help our kids succeed, we’ve unwittingly put a lot of pressure on them.”
But what does burnout look like for teens — and what does it really mean to be overbooked?
As part of SheKnows’ Be a Man series, we talked to Gen Z boys ages 14-20 about their academics, extracurriculars, and the pressures they feel to fit it all in. We also talked to experts about the signs of burnout and what parents can do to help their teens.
What Is Burnout?
Burnout is defined by the American Psychological Association (APA) as “physical, emotional, or mental exhaustion accompanied by decreased motivation, lowered performance, and negative attitudes toward oneself and others.”
Typically the term “burnout” has been reserved for workplaces, says Ana Homayoun, a SheKnows Parenting Advisory Council member and the author of Erasing the Finish Line, so it can be “tricky” to apply to teens, as the signs of burnout — feeling drained, lacking energy, overall irritability — could also be signs of other mental health conditions, like anxiety or depression.
In teens, burnout can look like falling grades or apathy toward schoolwork and sports. A teen boy experiencing burnout may lack the motivation to do anything other than play video games or scroll on their phone.
“Think of burnout almost as a state of psychological paralysis: the kid is so overwhelmed by life that doing nothing seems the only possible, reasonable choice because they’ve reached a point where their body & brain scream stop! I can’t do this anymore!” says Fink.
“Burnout is really hard to deal with, especially when the days keep pushing into the nights,” Cameron, 16, tells SheKnows. “And there’s a lot of extra fear and stress that comes from, ‘Oh, if you don’t do good enough in school, you won’t be able to do this and this and this,’ and parents use it as leverage too. I feel like that adds a lot of stress to it.”
Overbooked: College Apps, Extracurriculars & 24/7 Social Media
While academics top the list of pressures teens face (54.5 percent) according to SheKnows’s Teen Council survey, extracurricular activities weren’t far behind. Approximately one-third of the council members reported that their extracurricular activities were a source of stress.
The question is why the stress — given that, in theory, extracurriculars should be optional and done at the teen’s leisure.
One reason may be the time extracurriculars require. The teens we spoke to spent upwards of 12 hours per week on extracurriculars, sometimes even sacrificing sleep to fit it all in.
Maverick, 19, admitted to spending between three and four hours a day on his extracurriculars when he was in high school, which led to feeling pressure, especially against the backdrop of schoolwork. He noted, “There were times when I felt overwhelmed, and it was difficult to admit to myself.”
Another potential reason: teens are feeling the pressure to build their resumes in today’s uber-competitive environments. “Kids are doing so much more that everyone else kind of has to match,” Xavier, 17, tells SheKnows, noting that much of the pressure to do more comes from other students constantly raising the bar and “forcing the rest of the field to be competitive.”
It’s not just perceived competitiveness, either. More teens are applying to college and finding it harder to get accepted. An analysis by Ivywise, an educational consulting company, found that 2023 college admission rates dipped to as low as 3.45 percent, “making it another competitive year for students applying to the most selective colleges and universities in the U.S.” In fact, college acceptance rates have been dropping dramatically over time, “making for an extremely competitive admissions process at some of the country’s top colleges and universities.” (Indeed, how many times have you heard a Gen Xer joke that they wouldn’t get into their alma matter if they were applying today?)
The problem is exacerbated for boys, who are already less likely to enroll in college than their female counterparts. And if they do enroll, they’re also less likely to complete their degree. Data for the last 50 years shows that boys are earning a declining share of college degrees. According to the American Institute for Boys and Men, men received just 42 percent of bachelor’s degrees awarded in the United States in 2021 — the lowest male share on record.
However, it’s not just extracurriculars adding to the pressure. Social media and the ever-connected, always-on, always-available, constant-bombardment-of-information world we’re living in add stress to teens’ lives too. That extent of the stress was identified in a 2022 Pew Research Center survey of U.S. teens ages 13 to 17. The survey found that “38 percent of teens say they feel overwhelmed by all the drama they see on social media.” Likewise, the study found that about one-third of teens feel left out by their friends because of what they see on social media or feel like they have to post to stay relevant. Approximately a quarter of teens surveyed reported that social media platforms made them feel worse about their own life. (That data mirrors SheKnows’s survey findings, in which nearly 41 percent responded that they feel like social media negatively impacts their self-esteem.)
“Teens today are dealing with so many different inputs and levels of engagement that can quickly feel overwhelming,” says Homayoun. “Forty years ago when someone called our homes, there would be a ring on the landline,” she adds. “Today, a student could be navigating conversations with 18 different people simultaneously over text messaging, direct messaging, and various chat features on social media.”
Fink echoes the sentiment and highlights how different being a teenager is today. “They face all the same pressures we did when we were teens — the pressure to fit in, to figure out what do with our lives, to find friends and romantic interests,” she says, “and they’re doing it all in an ever-connected, always-on environment, presented with a seemingly infinite array of choices, in a time of massive income inequality and climate change. They’re aware of international conflict, income inequality, climate disasters, sexism, racism and they feel a lot of pressure to fix it while also feeling powerless.”
How Can Parents Help?
While parents can’t do much about the ultra-competitive college admissions process or change the landscape their teens are growing up in, they can play a crucial role in helping teens navigate feelings of overwhelm before they reach burnout.
The most important way parents can help: avoid adding pressure. Remember academics are only a small part of the big picture and parents should limit how often they check their teen’s grades and stress out about their teen’s homework. Likewise, parents should allow kids to pursue their own interests and ambitions, even if those don’t align with the ambitions parents feel are most important.
Equally as important: “Give teens space, time, and encouragement to REST,” says Fink. And model that in your own life. “Prioritize sleep, time off, and rejuvenating activities, and talk about why you do so.” Teens need more rest time than a typical schedule affords and this lack of downtime can lead to feelings of burnout, notes Homayoun, who highlights how a routine may help. “Helping students create regular routines and healthy boundaries with energy-draining communications can help them avoid burnout. For example, enforcing a regular bedtime routine, a homework routine, and providing regular meal times can all help an overwhelmed student regulate.”
Finally, stop asking about plans after graduation. “It is 100 percent completely normal and okay for teenagers — even 18-year-olds — to not know what they want to do after high school,” says Fink, who urges parents to normalize exploration. “Share stories of people who didn’t know what they wanted to do in high school or college and maybe found their passion or shifted careers later. Talk about and celebrate people who have ordinary lives — who work jobs, care about others, and participate in their communities.”
As parents, we all want the best for our kids. We want them to have the future they want — but not at the cost of sacrificing their present. Because ultimately, Gen Z is optimistic about its future, and as parents, we want to cultivate that not diminish it. To do that, we must give them grace. Homayoun sums it up: “Coming from a place of empathy, compassion, and awareness is key.”
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