What To Say to a Friend Who Just Lost a Pet—Plus, What *Not* To Say, According to a Therapist

Friend comforting someone who just lost their pet

Actor Robert Wagner once said, “A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won’t be too bad.” And he wasn’t wrong—this sentimental statement applies to pets of all sizes that come into our lives. However, when it’s time for them to cross the rainbow bridge, it’s devastating, no matter how prepared you are.

These feelings are universal to most people in this situation, including your friends and loved ones grieving over losing their furry friend. And while offering comfort and support is essential, finding the right words can be difficult. It's hard to know what to say when someone loses a pet.

As a therapist, I’ve worked with plenty of people who aren’t satisfied with how they’ve handled conversations about loss. Knowing what and what not to say in these situations can help keep you out of an uncomfortable encounter that could possibly cause problems in your friendships.

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What Not To Say To Someone Grieving the Loss of a Pet

Although your statements may be well-intentioned, certain phrases can worsen your friend’s pain. Here are a few things to avoid when you’re providing them comfort.

“It’s just a pet, move on.”

For many people, pets are more than just animals—they’re family. Furry friends provide us with unconditional love—something that’s pretty rare to find. Disregarding this relationship can make it seem like you’re downplaying their pet's role in their life.

Plus, while you might think you’re supportive, telling someone to “move on” is dismissive and implies that their pain is insignificant. There’s no timeline for grief, and it looks different for everyone, so pushing your friend to process their pet’s death before they’re ready is pretty insensitive.

"You can always get another one."

Like people, animals are one of a kind, each with their own personality. Their unique personality contributes to the equally unique bond that forms between them and their owner. When your friend’s pet passes away, you can’t expect them to immediately replace it with another one. Not only is telling someone they can “always get another one” disrespectful, but it also implies that their relationship with their pet isn’t as strong as they claim.

"They're in a better place."

When I’ve met with people in the grieving process, I often hear them complain about the repeated “condolences” from people who are attempting to give them peace of mind by saying their loved ones are “in a better place.” This statement might comfort those who consider themselves religious or spiritual, but to others, it may only serve as a harsh reminder of their pet’s passing. In most pet owner’s minds, they’d rather have their pets alive and happy in their homes forever.

"I know exactly how you feel."

During your friend’s time of grieving their lost pet, it’s second nature to quickly reassure them that you know exactly how they feel. However, the chance of that is slim. Even if you’ve been through a similar loss, you might be able to empathize with your friend but not have an identical reaction. As mentioned earlier, grief looks different for everyone.

Related: Gone But Never Forgotten—125 Beautiful Sympathy Quotes and Messages

What To Say When Someone Loses a Pet

Keep it simple instead of trying to perfectly sum up your words of support. Sometimes, the best thing you can do when a friend’s pet passes away is simply be there for them. Here are some alternate statements to the ones mentioned above to provide a more compassionate presence to help your friend process their loss.

"I’m so sorry for your loss."

Starting off, this expression of sympathy is simple yet powerful. It’s one of the most common (and correct) things to say to someone grieving because it acknowledges their pain without needing to say more. Saying this also opens the door to further conversation but adequately conveys your message if your friend doesn’t want to talk anymore.

"Remember when…?" or “Tell me about your favorite memory with your pet.”

Encouraging your friend to share memories of their pet can be therapeutic, making the adjustment to life without their furry friend a little easier. You can reminisce with them and share your own memories if you know their pet. While there are bound to be some sad memories, there’s no doubt that your friend will smile from talking about the happy ones.

"I'm here for you whenever you need me."

Don’t pressure your friend to discuss something they’re unprepared to handle. Instead, let your friend know that you're there to support them, whether it's a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, or assistance with practical matters related to their pet's passing. Whatever capacity you have to lend a hand will surely be appreciated.

"It's okay to be sad or upset."

While grieving the loss of a pet is natural, some people may feel guilty about it, thinking they shouldn't be as affected as they are. Reassure your friend that their feelings are valid and that you’re safe for them to express their emotions around.

"Let’s memorialize your pet together."

Rather than having to adjust to their loss alone, offer to be there for your friend as they grieve by suggesting that you both create a special keepsake in honor of their pet's life. This is a meaningful way to help your friend cope with their loss and gives them the space to channel their emotions in a healthy way.

Comfort Is Crucial While You're Grieving

When comforting a friend who has lost a pet, it's crucial to approach the situation with empathy, compassion and sensitivity. Listening and offering support without judgment is often more meaningful than finding the "perfect" words to say. By avoiding common communication mistakes and offering genuine, empathetic support, you can be the support your friend needs as they navigate this challenging journey.

Spending time planning what you want to say also doesn't hurt. If you’re currently seeing a therapist, ask if you can practice how you communicate your sympathy during a session. (Hint: it also works with friends or family if you can’t work with a professional!) Roleplaying a conversation can help you gain more confidence in your words, allowing you to refine and revise them if needed.

Sometimes, all we need is someone to sit back and listen, offering brief support when needed. Keep in mind that every relationship is different, so how you communicate with one might not be how you talk to someone else. However, by just being there, you’re doing more for your friend than you know—regardless of the specifics. 

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