Hospice workers help patients with last wishes

Sep. 1—While expressing last wishes is not always the first priority for hospice patients, caregivers say it can be a helpful and meaningful step in the grief process.

Registered nurse Kathy Lewis, a hospice care manager at Freudenthal Home-Based Healthcare, said that although asking about last wishes is part of the intake process for many hospice organizations, it is not always something that patients and families share right away.

"I typically don't ask about last wishes during an admission," Lewis said. "But once I get to know them, and they feel comfortable with me ... that's when they tend to disclose things like that, because it is a very personal thing."

Once disclosed, social workers, nurses, chaplains and other members of a treatment team do what they can to fulfill these wishes. Licensed social worker Jenny Dryburgh said that for bigger wishes, creativity becomes a key factor.

"I had a patient whose last wish was to go to Belize," Dryburgh said. "We couldn't do that, but I was able to bring Belize to her. We had a party, and we had sand, water and videos from Belize. The family and the patient were able to laugh and celebrate together, even though they never left America."

Lewis said another patient simply asked for a manicure and pedicure. Even at the funeral, according to Lewis, the family was still talking about the way their loved one smiled when she received this simple last wish. Other requests have ranged from autographs of a former president to throwing out the first pitch at a St. Joseph Mustangs game. With some planning and several phone calls, Lewis and Dryburgh said, both of these wishes were granted before the patients passed away.

"It can be a big thing, or it can be a small thing, but we try to tackle it as a team," Dryburgh said.

One current hospice patient gave Lewis permission to share his story with the public. Richard Pazar lives with his wife, Linda, in St. Joseph.

Pazar is 81, and he is being treated by a hospice care team. Pazar grew up with 15 siblings in a small town in New Jersey. His father died when Pazar was very young, and his mother was left to raise 16 children on her own. In the 1950s, her story made its way all the way to the nightly variety show hosted by a new comedian named Johnny Carson. Carson, whose show was then called, "The Johnny Carson Show," went on to host the Tonight Show for over 20 years. At that time, though, the up-and-coming young star asked Pazar's mother to come on his show to be interviewed about her story. Pazar was very young and barely remembers the appearance. His final wish was to find the clip of the 1950s episode where his mother was interviewed.

It is proving to be a difficult wish, since many of those 1950s shows are not readily available, since they aired well before the current digital age. But Lewis and the treatment team are reaching out to the public and to others to help find the clip for Pazar and his family.

"Last requests can be simple, or they can be very complex like the one we're working on now," Lewis said. "But, I truly believe when God has a will, there's a way."

Charles Christian anchors the evening news for News-Press NOW and also serves as an ordained minister at United Methodist Churches in Union Star and Helena, Missouri. Charles can be reached at [email protected]. Follow him on twitter: @NPNowChristian.