Janani "J. Maya" Krishnan-Ja Breaks Down That Wild "Mergatory" Vote on 'Survivor 45'

Janani "J. Maya" Krishnan-Ja

Survivor 45 is here! Every week, Parade.com's Mike Bloom will bring you interviews with the castaway most recently voted off of the island.

Janani "J. Maya" Krishnan-Ja is a devotee to Greek myths. But the singer-songwriter's journey on Survivor 45 was more akin to a tragedy. J. Maya came into "mergatory" excited for the chorus of her Survivor song. But she was unaware that the verse before it had lyrics filled with suspicion, misattributed votes, and sandwich-based vengeance. Even with all that, the target was firmly placed on Kaleb Gebrewold. But when the Canadian pulled a rabbit out of a hat (trick) and successfully played his Shot in the Dark, J. Maya became, as she put it, collateral damage. Her chorus ended on a low note, as went to the bridge out of Tribal Council.

While J. Maya enjoyed safety as part of Reba for most of the premerge, she was firmly on the outs, as a majority of four had formed. She wound up with two of that majority after the tribe swap in Dee Valladares and Julie Alley. And after a great first impression by new student Sean Edwards, she was ready to draw red blood. She used the opportunity to take aim at Nicholas "Sifu" Alsup, recruiting the women to blindside him as a postmerge threat. Unfortunately for J. Maya, Sean's last-minute quit at Tribal Council kept Sifu in the game. The gym owner was bent out of shape, to say the least, and incorrectly believed she had cast the rogue vote against him. J. Maya needed a leg up in the game, and got the chance when she went with Kellie Nalbandian and Austin Li Coon on a journey. But, while she left that trek up the hill with more jewelry in the form of an "Advantage Amulet," she also left with more enemies, as Austin was irate she and Kellie had overruled the sustenance in front of him.

All of this culminated in the rest of Reba immediately throwing out J. Maya's name when the tribes came together. And when her team lost the "mergatory" challenge, it seemed like the perfect time to put their plan into action. But that plan was derailed by the Bruce Caboose, as Bruce Perreault began targeting Kaleb, feeling he was too much of a social threat to keep in. Kaleb couldn't overcome the wave that was rising in front of him, even when he called out J. Maya at Tribal Council as someone who should go instead of him. Luckily, he had a life preserver. For the first time in Survivor history, the Shot in the Dark was used to negate votes--in fact, all of the votes. The tribe was sent scrambling into a revote. And as J. Maya repeated, "Vote Emily" over and over again like a catchy hook, the other players were tuned into another station. J. Maya was voted out unanimously, ending a day of absolute chaos.

Now out of the game, J. Maya talks with Parade.com about why she chose to not throw a vote or play her own Shot in the Dark, her reaction to the former Rebas targeting her for different reasons, and how she felt getting to watch the secret scene of her talk about Hinduism.

Related: Read our Survivor 45 pre-game interview with Janani "J. Maya" Krishnan-Ja

Hi, J! How are you doing today? I can only imagine what it was like living through such an epic, yet devastating boot, let alone watching it again on TV last night.
Oh my gosh. I'm just grateful. And, I will say, the way that I went out, I'm grateful that it is such a historic, exciting, wonderful Tribal Council. What brings us all to Survivor is this genuine love for the game, love for the stories of the game, for the moments of reminiscing. "Remember that time on that season when this happened, and this person played their idol?" And it's one thing to watch it as a viewer. And when you're in the moment playing a game that you know is going to be remembered, there is this moment of satisfaction of, "Wow, I can't wait to watch this back" And I got to do that last night. I got to watch it as a viewer. And it was amazing. So genuinely, I have a huge smile on my face this morning.

So, of course, we have to start with everything that happened at Tribal Council. Kaleb was giving off big Shot in the Dark energy with the way he was speaking, including throwing you under the bus. So how much did you contemplate throwing a vote onto somebody else in the scenario where his Shot had hit?
Oh my gosh. I debated it on the beach for how many times. I've thought it over in my head since I've left the game. And not only if I had done it, but every iteration of which name I would have thrown out and I would have had so much power over who went home that night. I'll boil it down to this answer that I give to Jeff at Tribal Council. Jeff asks me, "What happens when you hear your name on the beach? Do you start to scramble?" How am I making these game-time decisions? Do I work really hard to get someone else to have their name thrown out tonight? Or do I maybe just sit back hope that things go my way?

This is Survivor at its finest, these kinds of what you perceive to be small decisions that accumulate and have so many ramifications. In the moment, I knew that there was a five out of six chance, even if Kaleb played his Shot in the Dark, and I thought that there was a chance before Tribal Council that he wouldn't. But then, at Tribal Council, it was very apparent to me that he would. And I'm sitting down. I'm like, "There's a five out of six chance is that he's going home. And if I put a name down anyway, I'm already at the bottom. That is just going to further cement me to either the Reba camp or the Belo camp as the person that they can rally around to get out at the next Tribal Council."

So I was just, at the end of the day, a little bit too scared to rock the boat. And it's a big regret that I have. Of course, the thought did occur to me in the moment. And it's just, one of those things. Like I said to Jeff, the five out of six chance is that I'm going to be at the beach tomorrow regretting this decision, saying, "Oh, I overthought and I played a little bit paranoid, and that's costing the loyalty that I am giving to other people." So that's part of the decision-making.

Were you using that logic as well when you chose not to play your own Shot in the Dark? Because I would imagine, after you pretty much know Kaleb will play his, that the votes could bounce back onto you.
Oh, absolutely. I thought about it. I think it really did come down to I was paranoid that it was going to not be as close as I thought. I had gotten this kind of unanimous feedback from people that the majority of votes were going to be Kaleb. But I was like, "It takes one! So I need to have my vote in the case that it's a little bit closer than I thought, or that he was able to sway people at the Tribal Council. Because, as you see, he calls me out! He's very persuasive. I don't know how that's gonna pan out. I don't know if people are going to be convinced by that and they're gonna vote for me. So I think that was also part of the decision-making. If this is close, I don't want to regret losing my vote and having the majority not work. So it's definitely something I thought about.

You look absolutely crestfallen when Kaleb's Shot in the Dark works. And when all the votes are nullified, we see you scramble around to get the votes onto Emily, while everyone is in private saying that they should vote for you. Did you get the sense you were done as soon as Kaleb was safe?
Well, I thought that there was a chance that someone had thrown a vote on me anyway during that first vote. And so when all the votes have been nullified, I'm sitting in my chair, and I'm waiting to hear J. And it only takes one for me to go home. And so there is this moment of just shock. We're all experiencing the shock, too. And in my heart, of course, I know I'm going home. But I decide, if I go out. I gotta go out fighting. This is not going to work. But you know what? I flipped a vote before!. So I was like, "Who knows? Maybe the gods are smiling down on me today and I'll have this renegade Hail Mary luck."

Obviously, it didn't work out. But, as you see from my face, the second the Shot in the Dark goes through, there is no question in my mind that I'm probably the one going home tonight. And I think from that moment to the end of Tribal Council, I'm like, "I need to just go down fighting. There's no other way around this." And so I think I picked Emily's name because I just heard it once on the beach or something earlier that day. And I was repeating any name that I had heard. So that's where that came from. I actually really loved Emily and wanted to work with her. But, in that moment,  I'm like, "I know it's either you or me. And it's probably going to be me."

I want to get into the other Rebas deciding to target you for various reasons. You talked with me about wanting a women's alliance in the preseason, and that seemed to manifest with you, Julie, and Dee on the swap tribe. So what was your reaction o them wanting to take you out because they feared you would try to take them out? Did you know that was the perception in the moment?
It's a great question. I would say two things don't jump to mind for me. The first is, I think a lot of what happens at the swap, a lot of it centers around some conversations that I have on early Reba. And I totally get how sometimes they can't show every single conversation; there's only so many minutes in the episode. Early in the game, I had gone to Sifu, and I said, "Sifu the way that things are figuring themselves out, you and me should be working together." We do the whole pinky promise alliance-making thing. And keep in mind this is after he has thrown my name out already Day One at the beach. And I still want to work with him, because I see the writing on the wall.

He immediately goes to Reba members and starts telling them that I want them out of the game. He goes to Julie and tells her that; he goes to Drew and tells him that. And both Drew and Julie come to me and say, "Hey, just so you know, Sifu was saying this about you." And so I take that as a sign that he does not want to work with me, which is totally his prerogative in the game. People don't want to work with everyone in the game. That makes sense. But this is a big factor that I have to consider for the rest of my game. Because, obviously, I play the entirety of my game with Sifu, who does not want to work with me. And so when we swap, I'm aware that Dee and Julie are much closer to each other than either of them are to me. But I'm hoping that there's a place to wiggle in and make something work, especially now in the swap that the numbers have shaken out that we can make the majority.

And this is where the second thing comes into play that I want to say. I do want to give good players their flowers, because I think Dee and Julie did do a great job. And I think a big part of their game that we see is they're so good at making people who are on the outs feel secure in the "real strong" alliances. So I do want to give them their flowers in that sense. And I definitely think in, especially in the swap, I thought that we were together more than we were, and that ends up being a big reason why I go home.

So I think the truth really lies somewhere in the middle. I couldn't work with Sifu. I really wanted to work with Sean. I was able to convince Dee and Julie to keep Sean. Obviously, things shook out a different way. And so after that happens, I'm distraught. I don't know what to do. I had hoped that it would pan out that at least if Sean stayed it would be me and Sean [versus] Dee and Julie. But now it's me, Sifu, Dee and Julie.  Sifu does not want to work with me. And that's a big reason why I offer the decoy vote strategy, even though I never tell Sifu. I never was planning to tell Sifu that I voted for him unless we'd gone to Tribal Council. But the reason that I say that is basically to say, "Hey, look, I'm loyal. I'm telling you right now how loyal I am. If it comes down to we go to Tribal Council, I'm going to be a loyal ally into the merge. "That was basically the decision-making behind that, even though it never actually happened.

Let's talk sandwiches, shall we? Talk to me about why you were making the push for the Advantage Amulet over the sandwiches, and whether you picked up on how much Austin would hold that grudge moving forward.
I love his line of, "I'm going to be honest, I'm leaning sandwiches." [Laughs.] Immediately off the bat after we've read the description of the amulets. And I think that devil vs. angel description is so accurate to how it was. And I love that the way that we're actually physically standing. [Laughs.] I am behind Kellie's shoulder on one side, and Austin is on the other side because that's exactly what was happening. I really wanted to take the amulets. But I was aware that I had to convince to convince both parties. And I will say that there's a moment where Kellie's also like, "Maybe the sandwiches." It really did go back and forth. We were up there for quite a bit of time actually trying to make this decision. [Laughs.] 

So it was very apparent to me. But you have to keep in mind, this is freshly off of losing who I perceive to be one of my only allies in the game. I'm going into a potential mergatory situation. And I need to be working with other people. And so I definitely was pushing it a lot. Obviously it becomes a mistake in the game. I don't think I was aware of the degree to which it would come and haunt me. And again, I want to I do want to say that, I was aware that it was a mistake, but also Austin's a great player. He ended up putting a smile on his face and doing a great job of convincing us that he was with us, which is great for his game. So it's like the Libra scales balancing themselves.

And I know you're a Libra! I watched this week's secret scene. Well you talk about this mergatory situation. I would imagine you were making a lot of connections with former Belos and Lulus. If you had survived this Tribal Council and Kaleb went home, who would you have tried to move forward with?
Well, the way that things shook out, I was making connections. But a large part of that mergatory day was dedicated to figuring out what was going to happen at this trTbal Council. But even in that scramble, I felt so good about my relationship with Jake. Jake and I actually developed a theatre kid alliance. We're both theatre kids. So we have a little jazz hands handshake that we come up with at the water well. I end up throwing her name out because it's a Hail Mary, but I loved Emily, and I really wanted to work with her. And I saw her as somebody who had been on the outs before in the game that could potentially understand my perspective and get how loyal I could be if I found my right people, how desperate I was to find someone to take me in. So I would say those were two people that I felt really good about in that original mergatory scramble.

I will say that there were a lot of things going on in my brain at that Tribal Council. The number one was if I survive this Tribal, and I go back to the beach, I have to really jump ship starting tonight. Because I think it was glaringly obvious to me now at that Tribal Council that my relationships in terms of a potential alliance with Reba could not be salvaged, and that I needed to really start from scratch and find new allies. And so that was literally a thought that I had. I was like going over what I was gonna say to Jake and Emily at the beach. Obviously, it didn't pan out that way. But I think, like I said earlier in the episode, the promise of fresh blood was so exciting to me. And part of the reason was these connections.

You are one of only a handful of Indian contestants to compete on Survivor. And we got a secret scene of you earlier this season where you led your tribe through Hindu prayer, and talked about how much it related to your game. Talk to me about getting to serve as that representation and highlight Hinduism in a way the show never has before.
Mike, you're gonna make me cry! That's such a thoughtful question. I really, really, really appreciate it. And I will say, I have almost zero regrets from the game. But I think something that I had envisioned doing potentially at the Tribal Council, if I had gone out, was to talk a little bit about what being Indian-American meant to me, knowing that there haven't been a lot of contestants who have competed on Survivor from my background. And I think in the scramble of, obviously, everything that happened at that time, it didn't end up happening. So it is wonderful to get to talk about it.

Growing up, I always wanted to emulate these badass heroines that I would read about. But there weren't a lot of people who looked like me on TV, doing the things that I dreamt of doing. And it wasn't until I saw people like Natalie from Survivor. And then later--obviously, I'm much, much older--but Karishma, Omar, Swati. I can't overstate how important that representation was to me and helping me feel like this was something that could exist for me in the future, and that any path that I ever wanted to take in life was open to me. Seeing that scene brought so many tears to my eyes, because I can't imagine what that would have meant for me watching that as a young Hindu girl on TV. And to see the positives of it represented so well.

It really made me feel, in life, there's nothing that I can't do without hard work and determination. It made it possible to do something like Survivor, which I would say is not very common in Indian households. [Laughs.] It's not like people grow up and are like, "You should do Survivor." And so, with that being said, if there's any takeaway from my time on Survivor, if there are any other Indian potential future contestants watching, please know that this is a phenomenal experience. That it's definitely made for people who look like you. You can be the badass that you see on screen. You can be a challenge beast; you can be a social threat. And no one can ever tell you what you can or can't be. You're the only person who gets to decide that. And so if I can pass the torch, so to speak, to another Indian contestant. I didn't become the first Indian winner of Survivor, but that doesn't mean that you can't be. So take this as a message to apply!

Next, check out our interview with Brandon "Brando" Meyer, who was voted out in Survivor 45 Episode 5.