Joy, redemption, regret: What teen marriage looks like for some Americans
When Stranger Things star Millie Bobby Brown posted a photo with her actor boyfriend Jake Bongiovi, son of Jon Bon Jovi, on April 11, she quoted Taylor Swift’s “Lover” in her caption, writing, “I've loved you three summers now, honey, I want 'em all.”
Perhaps most compelling though, was the sparkly ring on Brown’s left hand: Had the 19-year-old agreed to tie the knot?
If that's confirmed, Brown certainly won't be the first — or last — celebrity to head towards the altar while still in her teens. Solange Knowles married her high school sweetheart, Daniel Smith, when she was just 17. Drew Barrymore wed Welsh bartender Jeremy Thomas when she was 19, as did Olivia Wilde with Tao Ruspoli (who was 28 at the time). Miley Cyrus said "yes" to Liam Hemsworth's proposal at just 19, though they would not get married (and, later, divorced) until she was 26.
And while it might be easier to understand why celebrities would choose to get married young — especially if they've been working in the industry since childhood and feel they have the financial resources and emotional maturity to do so — there are plenty of non-celebrity teens who are choosing marriage, too. It is rare — according to the most recent Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, from 2021 (based on estimates of a sample size), only 1.1% of females and 1% of males age 15 to 19 are married — but that's still over 3 million people.
Jastiny Bell of Louisiana, 19, is one of them. When she got pregnant during her senior year of high school, at age 18, she and her then boyfriend Jordan Bell, 21, decided to get married.
“Before finding out I was pregnant, I had enlisted in the Army, but this news changed everything,” she said. “My husband ended up joining the National Guard, and several months after he came home from training we were married. Even though the Army did play a part in our decision to get married, we were high school sweethearts and had those intentions anyway. Coming from a small town, that was what my graduating class valued. Graduation, marriage, and then babies — that was and still is the ‘trend.’”
Bell says that she was mostly supported in her decision to marry young, save for one bridesmaid who didn’t agree with it.
“People in our Black, Southern, Christian family were more concerned with us having a child out of wedlock than they were about us getting married as teenagers,” she says. “They made us feel as if it was what we had to do, so family pressure did play a part also. I never really wanted to be a statistic or looked at in any way, and even though there is nothing wrong with having a child out of wedlock, I felt a dying need to ‘fix’ what I had done.”
Though Bell and Jordan are still married, she notes that she wishes she “thought less about what other people expected me to do.”
“I think as teen parents or just young people in general we get so wrapped up in not becoming someone we grew up resenting, or doing what we think society wants us to do,” Bell adds. “I would’ve definitely sat down, looked myself in the eye and asked myself questions such as ‘Is this truly what you want?’ and ‘Are you sure that this is even what your partner truly wants?’ because we can be blinded by today's problems easily without looking at situations clearly as a whole. Realistically, the man or woman you think you want at the age of 18 isn’t gonna be the type of person you want at 25. People are constantly changing and growing, meaning your interests and ‘type’ is destined to change. You and your person must grow together, cause if not you’ll grow apart quickly. Marriage is hard, regardless the age, regardless of the story.”
'Why wait?'
Not all modern teen marriages, however, come about because of a pregnancy. Alyssa and Dallin Johnson of Arizona, who chronicle their newlywed life on TikTok and YouTube, were dating for just under a year when they decided to get married — when Alyssa was 19 and Dallin was 20.
“We knew we wanted to get married, so why wait?” Dallin asks Yahoo Life. “We felt that the best way to solidify our relationship was to get married and start our lives together.”
“I had dated a lot through my high school years,” Alyssa adds. “Through dating I started to figure out what I wanted in a future husband and what I didn’t want. When I met my boyfriend, now husband he literally checked all my boxes and more! Growing up I would hear people tell me ‘when you know, you know.' I had never felt that until I met my husband.”
At the time of their wedding, the couple — who say they were met with some “skeptical reactions” from their outer circle — didn’t know that many people who had gotten married young. However, soon their friends started getting married, too, making their young marriage not as much of an outlier.
“I’d say the biggest challenge was just the judgment of those around you,” says Dallin. “With us being on social media, you hear a lot of differing opinions. So we just had to make sure it was what we wanted to do, and then tune everything else out that wasn’t in our inner circle. It’s been a beautiful thing being married young. We’ve accomplished more than I could’ve ever imagined together just in our first two years. I’m glad we jumped in early and started life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Vermont couple Destiny and Carson, who requested Yahoo use only their first names, were both 18 when they got engaged and then married — largely spurred on by the pandemic, Destiny explains to Yahoo Life. That's because they were only going to school two days a week, leaving more time for work and save money. Destiny was a nursing assistant and Carson worked in construction, and their jobs allowed them to pay cash for their February 2022 church wedding for 135 guests.
“We had known before we even graduated that we wanted to get married because we were just so in love,” she explains. “And people were just like, ‘Oh my gosh, you guys are just, like, high-school love. You know, once you get out of high school, it'll be different.’ But it wasn't.”
Destiny, who is the child of a pastor and grew up “very Christian,” with strong religious beliefs, says that Carson started going to church with her when they began dating, and that, once engaged, they faced questions about whether or not Destiny was pregnant. She wasn't — the two hadn't even had sex, as they were waiting to get married. Now, Destiny is seven months pregnant.
She says she received some of the most heartfelt support about her marriage from patients she worked with at the hospital.
“Older people would say that getting married young was the best decision that they ever made,” she says. “I would always have old people tell me, ‘Oh, I got married at the same age as you and I'm still married now.’ Or, you know, ‘My partner's passed away already, but that's the best decision I've ever made.’”
What should teens consider before marriage?
Virginia-based therapist Rhonda Stewart Jones says there are some things couples should make sure they discuss before they get married, including “money, what kind of spender they are, and communication skills, specifically on resolving challenges, raising children, and expectations.”
“If I were counseling teens who wanted to get married right away, I would share the statistics around marriage and divorce rates,” she adds. “Specifically, I would discuss money, communication, maintaining a home, and raising children. I would encourage them to create a budget based on an apartment or home rental and help them determine if the job they have or want to get would allow them to cover their expenses. I would also explore their long-term goals and help them decide whether or not they can meet them while married.”
Gary Brown, a relationship therapist based in Los Angeles, notes that couples who marry in their teens should exercise caution because their brains are not fully developed yet, which could interfere with decision-making.
“Typically, older people tend to be more mature and have better judgment, and there’s a neurobiological reason for that: The area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex is responsible for what we call executive functioning — it’s the part of the brain that helps us make judgments,” he explains. “That part of the brain is not fully developed, as we know now through imaging studies, until later on in one's 20s, up to the age of 30.”
Teen hormones, he says, can also cloud one’s judgment, and make it tricky to see whether or not you share “common values” with your partner.
“When you're in love as a young person, you're more likely to not pay attention to red flags,” he says. “You don't really look at issues or the warning signs about whether or not you're actually compatible. Is this person engaging in substance abuse? Does this person have a really bad temper? Do I have a bad temper?”
Brown also notes that marrying young can also be “more stressful financially” than waiting until one is older to wed. However, he also says that what may be most important is gaining the expansive life experience that comes with your 20s can also help people realize whether or not they “share common values” with their partner.
“You're going to miss out on some of your 20s [if you marry young],” he notes. “Your 20s is a time to go out and explore —date, if you want to, or travel, if you want to, or maybe continue your education or beginning of a career where you're just starting to work."
Still, Destiny — and many other young brides like her — have no regrets.
“It's worked out the way that it was supposed to happen,” she says. “It was probably the best decision that I've made because we knew that we wanted to do it. And we figured, it's not going to make a difference whether we're 18 or 25, if we know we're still going to love each other the same.”
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