My Brooklyn Barber Thinks Hollywood Awards Committees Are Corrupt (and He May Be Onto Something)

An Ernst & Young representative carries a briefcase containing the winning envelopes at the Golden Globe Awards. (Photo: Getty Images)

I have a third generation barber in my local Brooklyn ’hood. And while the joint is bizarrely overpriced, he once told me that I was one of his favorite clients, so that’s enough for me to justify a $50 trim.

“My guy,” Slava, was born and raised in Queens, and has this kind of harsh De Niro twang that’s endearing and very, very persuasive. That being said, it’s a good thing my hair’s texture doesn’t lend itself to styles other than my standard school boy chop, otherwise I’d probably be experimenting with something new upon each visit to his chair. Luckily, he falls short when it comes to convincing me to shape my blond locks into the latest hipster ’do, but he does manage to shift my opinions on worldly topics when he offers his unsolicited ‘2 cents’ on pop culture. This week’s session revolved around awards season, and though he usually mixes up his facts in his arguments, he always serves a strong point.

“Did you see that video thing of Leonardo DiCaprio when Lady Gaga won her Oscar?” he asked. “Golden Globes, Slava. Yes, hysterical,” I replied, thinking back to the GIFs and speculative articles that populated the Web over the week. “Well what’d you think?” he followed up in an almost philosophical manner (though, admittedly, with his timbre, it’s hard to differentiate what is and isn’t a rhetorical question).

DiCaprio suggested the snub was merely reactionary: “I just didn’t know what was passing me, that’s all!” he told Entertainment Tonight, which seems fair enough, right? Well, Slava seems to think there’s more to this: “Lady Gaga doesn’t deserve that award. You know, Leo’s been in the business for years, and hasn’t won a single thing [not true], and you see these young women — girls — winning awards left and right. It’s just not fair…” he trailed off, pausing to ponder his next ask: “Hey, you think the committee’s accepting bribes?”

My immediate response? No. Also, there are separate categories for Best Actress and Best Actor, so there can’t really be a feminist conspiracy at work. Though I do believe there’s a business behind who wins. In this day and age, the Internet acts as a conversation accelerator with social media sparking conversations the second — not the day, week, or month — after it happens. Women don’t just wear designer dresses for a pretty picture anymore, they strategically select their gown for maximum exposure. And what Slava speculates is that the deciding bodies behind awards shows (“The Academy,” namely) celebrate specific superstars with trophies for their status and what kind of exposure they can bring — and not based on acting merit.

Theoretically speaking, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (Oscars) and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (Golden Globes) surely benefit if they were to, say, loosely distribute statues. Why? Because these young, hot thespians rake in bank for the film industry and the television network on which the respective show airs.

People who watch these events aren’t just doing so to see if Jennifer Lawrence will win yet another statue for her performance in Joy, but if she falls (again), says something offbeat or unfiltered, or wears some shocking Dior number. In comparable terms, this is kind of like viewers tuning into the Super Bowl for the commercials and half time show — who cares who wins or loses as long as there’s a talking baby and Beyoncé!

The thing is, we’ll never really, truly know how these groups deliberate a final decision (those men from Ernst & Young carrying silver briefcases down the red carpet don’t really offer a full-picture explanation). Of course, they boast anonymity and all, but it seems that committees are under more pressure and scrutiny to conform to the public’s desires, with social media hashtags like #OscarsSoWhite and #AskAWhiteFeminist (thanks, Patricia Arquette!).

So, is there more to DiCaprio’s reaction? A subliminal message, perhaps? Well either way, this year, both Slava and I feel that the The Revenant actor will finally win his trophy — and it’ll be very well deserved.

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