Obituary: Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess of Grantham

For 30 years, Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess of Grantham was the indomitable chatelaine of one of England’s great country seats, Downton Abbey in Yorkshire. She continued to guide, inspire and occasionally infuriate her heir, Robert Crawley, the 7th Earl of Grantham, and his wife after they took over the running of the estate after her husband’s death.

Lady Grantham was born in 1842 to a baronet and married Patrick Crawley, the 6th Earl of Grantham, in 1859. The couple had a son, Robert – now the 7th Earl of Grantham – in 1866 and a daughter, Rosamund, in 1868. It was strongly rumoured that Lady Grantham opposed Robert’s apparently acquisitive marriage to an American heiress, Cora Levinson, whose father made his millions in the manufacture of dry goods. However, the 6th Earl of Grantham entailed that substantial dowry to the Downton Abbey estate to prevent its financial collapse.

Lady Grantham’s fortitude was a blessing to her family, since the Crawleys have been beset by many tragedies. They lost the then heir to Downton, James Crawley, and his son Patrick aboard the Titanic in 1912, and the subsequent heir, Matthew Crawley, in a car accident in 1921, shortly after the birth of his son George. Lady Sybil, Lady Grantham’s granddaughter, who caused a scandal by marrying the family’s Irish chauffeur, died in childbirth the previous year.

However, Lady Grantham has been instrumental in ensuring that Downton’s traditions are protected, frequently offering her sage advice to the next generation – whether or not it was sought. She was resistant to the forces of change, saying of her son’s introduction of electricity and telephones to Downton that it felt as though she was living in an HG Wells novel, and memorably asking Matthew Crawley, who worked as a solicitor: “What is a weekend?”

Nor was she was fond of modern music, commenting on a group of jazz musicians: “Do you think that any of them know what the others are playing?”

Lady Grantham was a strong believer in the maintenance of correct social etiquette, and the importance of it to the national character. Following an unfortunate incident at Downton involving a foreign visitor, she was heard to proclaim that “no Englishman would dream of dying in someone else’s house.” She did travel with her husband to Russia in 1874 for a royal wedding, where she befriended Prince Kuragin – later an émigré to England following the revolution. But she took a dim view of other nations, reserving her greatest disdain for America, which contributed to a frosty relationship with her daughter-in-law’s family.

Lady Grantham will be best remembered for her dry wit: indeed, she had a bon mot for every occasion. They included the always applicable “Don’t be defeatist – it’s very middle-class”, the philosophical “Life is a game, where the player must appear ridiculous”, and her firm belief of her role in the family: “It’s the job of grandmothers to interfere.” She took a practical view of marriage, noting that “there can be too much truth in any relationship”, and once observed: “There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”

Yet despite her Machiavellian cunning and apparently cynical outlook, Lady Grantham was, in fact, a benevolent soul. Her charitable activities included supporting the local hospital, of which she was an active president, although that influential position was challenged by the arrival of Matthew Crawley’s mother Isobel (now Lady Merton), who became the new chairman of the board. Lady Grantham also took a keen interest in horticulture. She and her gardener frequently won the annual Grantham Cup for the best bloom in the village – at least, until Lady Merton suggested that the committee might feel obliged to keep presenting it to her.

As those early interactions suggest, Lady Grantham and Lady Merton spent much of their time sparring with one another, with the latter challenging the former’s privileged position, tyrannical views and absolute self-belief. When Lady Merton commented that her relation hated to be wrong, Lady Grantham frostily replied: “I wouldn’t know, I’m not familiar with the sensation.”

Yet, although the pair saw the world in very different ways, a close friendship developed over the years. Lady Merton nursed Lady Grantham through a serious illness, and, in turn, Lady Grantham aided in the fraught courtship between Lord and Lady Merton.

Lady Grantham’s legacy will live on in the flourishing Downton Abbey and her burgeoning family – many of whom found suitable matches thanks to her involvement. She spent her final days surrounded by loved ones, and even managed to have the last word, reprimanding a sobbing servant with the immortal words: “Stop that noise, I can’t hear myself die.”

Lady Grantham died of a terminal illness. She is survived by her son Robert Crawley, 7th Earl of Grantham, her daughter Lady Rosamund Painswick, her granddaughters Lady Mary Talbot and Edith Pelham, Marchioness of Hexham, and her great-grandchildren.