The One Thing You're Doing Wrong on Your Dating Profile, According to Relationship Experts
There was a time when people kept their online dating habits hush-hush. It carried a stigma, and folks who found each other on the once-newfangled Internet came up with stories about how they met at a bar.
That stigma is about as gone as AIM and dial-up. According to one study, one in five Internet users is using a dating app. If you're part of that group, you likely know that it's a crowded playing field, no matter how many fish are in the sea.
Putting together a top-notch profile can give you a leg-up on your search for whatever type of companionship you're looking for.
"Your dating profile is your magnet," says Talia Koren, host of the podcast Dating Intentionally. "It’s what you have to attract people you want to date and repel the people you absolutely don’t. It’s important to make sure your profile is a reflection of you."
But Koren and other dating experts share that people frequently fall head over heels into a certain dating-profile trap—and it's sending Cupid's arrows astray.
In this article, we'll look at the one thing you're probably doing wrong on your dating profile (according to experts). We'll also look at some ways to improve your bio on dating apps.
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The Biggest Dating Profile Mistake To Avoid, According to Relationship Experts
Your profile is probably too vague. Experts share that people often don't include enough specific information on their dating profiles. Instead, the info that users usually include is in thousands of other profiles as well.
"Many people are fun, outgoing, love to travel or enjoy being active," says Bumble's sex and relationships expert Shan Boodram.
Koren agrees. "It's hard to choose things for your profile that make you stand out," says Koren. "Everyone likes tacos and taking long walks. You don’t need to say that. It's challenging to dig deeper."
It can feel intimidating for some people to go deeper because it involves jumping over a mental hurdle or two.
"You may hide certain qualities, traits or interests that you believe will be perceived as weird or too much," says Erica Turner, LPC, a relationship therapist and dating coach.
But it can backfire.
"Think about your profile as an introduction," says Renair Amin, the chief empowerment officer at Pink Wellness LLC.
Imagine you met someone at a networking event, and they didn't say much.
"The little [a person said] would have to be very enticing," Amin says. "Otherwise, you would lose interest."
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How To Avoid This Common Dating Profile Mistake
Being too "vague" is an easy mistake to make. Fortunately, it's not too hard to fix. In the next few sections, experts will show you how to put your best (digital) foot forward online.
1. Enlist a Friend
If you have no idea what makes you interesting, ask your nearest and dearest.
"Ask your friends what they think is interesting and admirable about you," Koren suggests. "They’re going to come up with things that are genuine and more interesting than tacos.”
2. Get Specific
The bones or foundation of a good profile may already be there. But the devil (or, in this case, Cupid) is in the details.
"Be specific," Boodram recommends. "If you like to cook, what's your favorite dish? What show are you watching on TV? What does your typical Saturday look like? What was your favorite vacation, and why? You may find someone who shares some of your quirks, unique style or interests."
3. Emphasize Your Highlights
Some apps and sites allow users to highlight key interests at the top of their profile. It's like the objective on your resume—it puts the most important information first. And unlike the objective, using these tools isn't controversial. Experts are all about them.
"Adding interest badges can be a great way to showcase your personality on a deeper level and connect with someone who has a shared understanding of life values and interests right off the bat," Boodram explains. "People can also choose to add profile badges to indicate their values and lifestyle choices directly on their profile, such as their religious practices, political leanings, fitness habits or even their astrology sign."
Just remember the golden rule of Internet dating (or any dating, for that matter): Be honest.
"You deserve to be your full self and to find someone who celebrates you," Boodram says. "Plus, it'll save you time and effort in the long run."
Related: 25 Green Flags in a Relationship That Point to a Healthy Partnership
4. Include a Short Bio for Big Impact
"There is no one size fits all in creating a bio," Boodram says.
That being said, Boodram suggests checking these three boxes:
A question or an invitation to ask you a question.
A line that emphasizes what you want out of the app.
Something that shows your lighter side.
"The goal is to be comfortable in beginning your dating journey, but it's also a place to have fun and enjoy the process," Boodram says. "A good rule of thumb is to add at least two to three things that matter to you within your profile, whether that's family, friends, hobbies, bucket list items [or] volunteer work. This will help you find more meaningful connections that align with things that are important to you."
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5. Stay Positive
As you share more about yourself, it may be tempting to list things you're not interested in. For example, you may wish to avoid dating someone who prefers quiet nights at home. That's valid, but Koren says nuance is key.
"Instead of 'Don't talk to me if X,' make it 'Talk to me if Y,'" Koren says. "I'd love to meet someone who loves experiences and wants to get out of the house.”
6. Self-Reflect
Some people may need to put a little extra work into their profile. But others may have reasons they're staying vague. Figure out which shoe fits you.
"You can avoid this common mistake by getting to the root of why you may have a tendency to hide your true self in the first place," Turner says. "What do you fear will happen if you show your true self? What are you trying to gain by hiding your true self?"
You may want to discuss these fears with a friend, coach or therapist before jumping into dating. Turner says you don't need to hide your needs to meet someone else's—particularly people you have never met.
Koren agrees: "You don't want to be afraid of what people won't like. Someone out there will like what you like—promise."
Other Things To Avoid on Your Dating Profile
When creating a dating profile, first impressions are essential! Before we close, here are some common mistakes you should avoid when filling out your profile:
Being too negative. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your life.
Using old or misleading photos of yourself. You should also steer clear of group photos whenever possible.
Lies or exaggerations. Always be honest and truthful.
Poor grammar/spelling.
Overly long descriptions.
Excessive selfies.
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