Opinion: His daughter's heart stopped. An act of kindness brought him comfort.

In mid-June, Matthew Cadman sat in the family area at Froedtert Hospital, filled with fear and uncertainty.

His 21-year-old daughter had suffered a severe allergic reaction after eating a bacon-wrapped popper filled with peanut butter, which caused her heart to stop minutes before she arrived at a hospital.

The medical team at the Oconomowoc Memorial Hospital managed to revive her and she was transferred to Froedtert Hospital. It was the third time she had a severe reaction to peanuts. This time, by far, was the worst.

The outlook for Nevaeh Cadman, a junior at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, was grim. As Nevaeh clung to life in intensive care, Cadman prayed that his angel's dream of becoming a traveling nurse would come true.

As Cadman nervously waited in the family area for updates, he noticed a woman in the hallway struggling to calm a young man with autism who was kicking and punching the walls. The young man was at the vending machine trying to buy a snack.

"I could see that he was frustrated, so I offered him a rice crispy treat," Cadman said.

The snack helped to soothe the young man.

Cadman had purchased more than $100 worth of snacks and placed them on the table in the family room, free for anyone to take. He couldn't believe that at times when most people were grieving, the hospital was charging nearly $4 for a candy bar.

Hours later, he and his family would end up playing cards with the young man, who was also being treated at the hospital where Nevaeh was fighting for her life.

Dad bought bus to help daughter pursue traveling nurse dream

Cadman said he and his wife named their daughter Nevaeh — heaven spelled backward — because they believed she was destined to bring others comfort, hope, and healing.

As he sat in the waiting room, Cadman thought about the Ford Bluebird school bus he had purchased to transform into an RV. This would allow her to travel across the country, working temporarily at hospitals experiencing nursing shortages. Cadman was determined to ensure that his daughter would be driving a vehicle that not only turned heads but also reflected her vibrant personality.

“That was her dream. She loved traveling but what she loved most was helping others,” said Cadman, 46, of Green Bay.

A health crisis brought that young man and his family into the same waiting room. Jahmaree Ingram, 23, reminded Cadman of his younger brother, Alex Kemper, who is also autistic. Kemper, 30, passed away last year. Although Cadman’s brother was nonverbal, Cadman said his parents never treated Alex differently.

While some people in the room moved away from Jahmaree, Cadman reached out to help.

"Even though my family was going through tough times, that doesn’t mean you still can’t help someone in need. We all should do that," Cadman said.

First, it was a candy bar; then another one, and soon, Cadman and Jahmaree were playing the card game “I Declare War.”

Cadman said the game switched from “I Declare War” to “Go Fish” and somehow ended up being a mosh of two games simultaneously, but the moment gave him a sense of peace and calm.

“I needed the card game just as much as that young man did,” Cadman said.

A life lesson: Even in our darkest hours, there is still strength

Cadman’s act of kindness did not go unnoticed. Earl Ingram Jr., 70, a radio personality for 540-AM (WAUK), discussed the encounter on his show. Jahmaree has been in Alberta and Earl Ingram Jr.'s care for the last 21 years of his life.

Because Jahmaree enjoys routine, Ingram explained, he became frustrated from all the shots in the hospital and being confined to a room. When he gets agitated, he kicks walls. While he wouldn’t harm anyone, Ingram said they have grown accustomed to the stares when they are out in public.

"There is a lesson in this for all of us. Even in our darkest hours, there is still strength. Matthew Cadman was able to comfort my wife and the young man we have been raising in a time of need, even though he was dealing with his tragedy. When I think about it now, it brings tears to my eyes," Ingram said in an interview.

At a time when the nation is experiencing deep political, racial, economic, and geographical divisions, Ingram said Cadman's gesture served as a powerful reminder of humanity's enduring goodness.

"Their entire family was unfamiliar with us, but they took the time to understand our situation and helped us despite their struggles," Ingram said. "We often hear about selfishness, but we should also talk about acts of selflessness."

‘She was a beautiful soul’ who loved travel and adventure

When Ingram discussed his family's experience with the Cadmans on his radio show, a caller delivered the news on the air that Nevaeh did not pull through.

Ingram was somber about that moment reflecting about it afterwards.

“She was a beautiful soul, and I can't thank her father and their entire family enough for what they provided for my family,” Ingram said.

Although the on-air news left him in shock, it did lead to more bonding between the families. The caller who gave Ingram the bad news on air asked for a copy of the show to send to the grieving family.

Cadman would later send Ingram pictures of Nevaeh traveling, hanging out with her friends, and holding her trusted canine companion, Kenley. Ingram would learn that Nevaeh was a typical 21-year-old. She hosted a podcast called "That's Just Life" where she delved into topics such as dating, breakups, love, and her passion for traveling.

In her "Let's Catch Up!!" episode, Nevaeh recounted her visits to her older sister, Mackenzie, whom she had not seen in two years, in Maine, spending a week in Miami with a girlfriend, and embarking on a solo kayaking expedition to the Apostle Islands in northern Wisconsin.

During a kayaking excursion on Lake Superior, she thanked the Coast Guard for alerting her about an approaching storm when she was approximately an hour and a half away from shore. About 15 minutes after getting on the Coast Guard boat, she said a massive downpour came out of nowhere.

“That could have been very bad,” she said on the podcast.

To Earl Ingram and his family, the Cadmans displayed civility and compassion despite facing one of the most challenging periods in their lives. He hopes people will continue to keep them in their prayers and offer them comfort during these times.

"I will never forget what they did for us, and I will always keep Nevaeh's photos in my phone," Ingram said.

Grief is like a shattered glass. Tiny pieces are left behind.

Cadman likened the depth of his loss to trying to clean up shattered glass. He explained that you can pick up the big pieces with your hands and use a wet towel to get the smaller ones, but there are always tiny pieces that go unnoticed.

He expressed frustration that the world keeps moving forward even when you want it to stop, and society's pressure to erase memories of his loved one, such as closing credit cards, bank accounts, and her apartment. To him, it feels like the struggle never ends. And he is constantly reminded of all the “what-ifs.”

What if she had had her EpiPen with her the night she went out to eat with her friend? What if she had asked someone in the restaurant if they had an EpiPen instead of trying to rush to the hospital eight minutes away? What if she had ordered a regular popper instead of a bacon-wrapped popper that she didn't know contained peanut butter?

Cadman said the family first discovered Nevaeh's allergies when she attended a Christmas party at 4 years old. She ate a cookie with peanuts, and her face swelled up. The family was warned that further allergic reactions could be much worse.

The second incident occurred when she was in 7th grade, and it was twice as severe as the first. She had another incident in high school and was hospitalized for three days.

Less than 2% of the U.S. population has a peanut allergy, which typically starts in early childhood. Around 20% of children will naturally outgrow or tolerate the allergy. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, anaphylaxis, a dangerous allergic reaction that can develop rapidly and affect the entire body, causes 30,000 ER visits, 2,000 hospitalizations and 150 deaths annually.

Nevaeh was hospitalized June 5. She died June 18. The day after she died, Cadman said he didn’t know what to do, so he went to the same restaurant Nevaeh went to and ordered the bacon-wrapped poppers to clarify the shock in his head.

"It clearly states on the menu that the bacon-wrapped poppers contained peanuts. I don't know why she didn't see it," Cadman said.

After ordering the bacon-wrapped poppers, Cadman took a bite and said, "'Shit, this is disappointing.'"

One last act of giving: Nevaeh's organs helped others live

Being a nursing student and working as a caregiver, Nevaeh was also an organ donor. Her eyes, heart, lungs, pancreas, liver, and kidneys are helping others live. The donor process was both painful and rewarding.

Nevaeh was the perfect donor candidate. Young, athletic, and unfortunately brain dead, which is needed to preserve the organs.

“I had to watch my daughter die again,” Cadman said.

When the Cadmans were informed that Nevaeh could be an organ donor, they were told that she needed to be taken off life support and had to pass away within 90 minutes for her organs to be used, as they could become stressed.

Cadman said as Nevaeh was led to the operating room before she was taken off life support. The hallways were lined with hospital staff, showing appreciation and respect for his daughter’s decision to donate her organs.

“Nevaeh touched many people. I saw the hospital videos afterward, and they said she had the highest turnout of people on the honor walk. She was only 21,” Cadman said.

On Aug. 3, the Cadmans hosted a “celebration of life” event to honor Nevaeh at the Watering Hole in Waterford. More than 400 family and friends attended. To Nevaeh’s closest friends and family, the Cadmans gave them a small vial of her ashes.

“My only request was that they leave some of her at places she’s never been so she can continue to see different parts of the world," he said.

Reach James E. Causey at jcausey@jrn.com; follow him on X @jecausey.

This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: Opinion: Peanut allergy killed his daughter but kindness comforted him