Childfree People Are Sharing What It's Actually Like To Get Older Without Kids In The Picture, And Their Honesty Is So Refreshing
If you're someone who has decided not to have children, how many times have you heard someone respond, "You'll change your mind when you get older!"
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Well, Reddit user u/lunalacrima asked recently, "[Serious] People of Reddit who are 40+ years old and decided to not have children, how are you feeling about your decision now?" Here are some responses:
1."It’s a strange one. I know I made the right decision. I would have made a terrible parent, so I’ve got no regrets about not having kids. However, I’m at the point in life where all my friends have settled down and are raising families, and I no longer have much in common with them. We still meet up, and I understand their time constraints, but as the years go by, there’s less to talk about."
2."No regrets about not having kids. I never could have given them the life they deserved. As I age (I'm 57), I do wish I had a life partner. I'm a bit scared about being elderly and alone, but I'm always glad I didn't have kids."
3."I’m in my 60s now, and I regretted it for about five minutes when I was 38. That’s when my first niece was born, and I thought I might be missing out."
4."It is not something you think about every day. Sometimes, I feel like I'm missing out; sometimes, I see friends playing with their grandkids, and it makes me jealous, but those kinds of thoughts cross your mind once a month or even more rarely."
5."Still feeling great about that decision with no regrets at all. It has allowed us to be present in the lives of our friends' kids in a wonderful way. We're like the weird aunt and uncle who have always been there to a pack of kids. It's good when kids have adults to talk to, and bounce ideas and thoughts off of that aren't their parents. To be able to be there for them in this way has been really great!"
6."I will speak up and be the minority here. I regret not having children. It wasn't a conscious decision, but I'm a pretty traditional person and never found someone to settle down and have a family with. I've recently had to come to terms with the fact that I won't have kids and what that means for the rest of my life. I might choose to adopt or foster in the future, but now, I really have to weigh if it's worth being a parent now when all my friends' kids are grown and are even starting to have grandkids. Do I really wanna be that far behind? I've always been a late bloomer, but wow, that's just too late I think! I would say to consider all your options and search your heart for what you want and can do in plenty of time to act before time runs out. Being child-free isn't always a conscious decision. For some of us, life just happens that way."
7."I’m ambivalent. On the one hand, I feel like I’ve missed out on an experience that is central to being human. I will never know the joy and heartache and deep love of parenthood. On the other hand, I’m deeply pessimistic about the future of global governance and the environment. I would worry for my child in this world. Also, I have a lot more free time and disposable income without human parasites in my home. So, you know…I’m okay with my decision."
8."It led to an uncomplicated life with less than usual financial difficulties. Now that I am 62, I can see some lonely times ahead, especially if anything happens to my wife."
9."I've never been comfortable with being responsible for another human being. Nothing has changed. To all good parents: Keep it up. It's a very difficult job, but you are appreciated."
10."I’m 41 and have zero regrets over having no children. My free time is mine to do as I wish, and I’m able to save aggressively toward retirement. I’m even more thankful that I never had children after going through a divorce, as there is nothing tying me to my ex-husband. It is much easier to heal and move forward with life when you can go no contact."
11."The older I get, the more sure I am of my decision. My emotional issues make me unable to properly connect or care for a child in the way they deserve. I am very empathetic to pain in that sense, but I also have issues with not inevitably becoming a SOURCE of that pain (i.e. I have serious commitment/investment issues and frequently check out when it’s all too much). So ultimately, I don’t have any desire for a child, and I will not continue the cycle of having them because we don’t know what else to do. Occasionally, I feel a biological pang when I see cute baby clothes, but then, I remember really quick everything that goes into it, and I’m over it."
12."I feel great! The maternal instinct is strong. It was tough going through my 30s, but I realized that unless I had a partner who was willing to split the work, it was not going to happen. And I didn't. So, it didn't. I love kids, and luckily, I have several kids in my life, but not for a second do I regret not having kids."
13."I had a vasectomy at 29 (unmarried and no children at the time; it took a LOT of talking). Just turned 60 and am well aware that if I die after I fully retire, it's entirely likely no one will notice until the mailbox starts to overflow. So yeah, I have moments of regret every so often. I don't think that's enough reason to have brought additional humans into this world, though."
14."I'm 49; my husband is 53. We're both more than happy with how things are. I never wanted kids. I was the eldest in a family of four and was a de facto child-minder from the age of 8. I was 16 when my youngest sister was born, and my mum relied on me heavily with her. I did night feeds. Looked after her when the rest went on holiday, and when I left home at 18, regularly had both her and my middle sister staying with me for weekends and weeks during the summers. Don't get me wrong. I loved every moment, and I'm really close with my youngest sister, but between watching my mom deal with us and the experiences I had myself, I knew I didn't want to devote my life to kids."
15."I've always wanted kids, but I've never found anyone worthy of having kids with. I've been entirely disappointed with the basket cases I've been in relationships with my entire life. I mean, they weren't bad people, just had mental problems, drug problems, irresponsible behavior, or just shitty decision-making skills that made them 'not the one' that, as a responsible father, I'd want to raise my kids with. Now that I've finally married a stable, intelligent, wonderful woman, at age 50, I really don't want or need a 7-year-old to be responsible for upon my retirement that is approaching. Although I will always have the desire to be a dad, I'm intelligent enough to know I have a responsibility to be a good one, and I no longer have the energy or the patience to do so."
16."I never had a 'maternal instinct' or a wish for a family until I married my husband five years ago (we are both in our 40s), and now, I kind of wish we were younger and could start a family. It’s not a regret, though, just a wish, a vision for a different life. That said, I’m not even sure I’ll be a good mom, but now I find myself looking at parents with toddlers and thinking 'that could be me/us.' Would I really start a family this late in life if given the opportunity? If I was pregnant, would I keep it? The answer is I don’t know, and because I don’t know, I guess the answer is no."
17."I wish things could have been different. I’m female in my mid-40s and decided to not have a child mostly due to health issues since 31. I’ve also had odd relationship timing or problems, as well as financial setbacks. I’m heartbroken and try not to think about it too much. I just keep moving forward."
18."I am VERY, VERY happy about it. Even back when I considered having kids, the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that the only benefit for me would be having something to talk about with my best friends (who all have kids) and continuing my genetic line. Realizing that I didn't actually want to go through any of the 'dad things' solidified my position. I like children; I just have ZERO interest in having my own."
19."Husband is 44, and I'm 38; we have zero regrets. Do you know what I didn't have to do last night? Argue with my kid about doing their homework. I only feel more and more confident in our decision as time goes on. Do you want kids? Have at it! But we are solidly in the Not Wanting Kids Camp."
