The Pros and Cons of the Family Bed

Co-sleeping is a controversial issue: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says parents should never let their baby sleep in the bed with them—citing the risk of suffocation, SIDS and other sleep-related deaths—but admits that it happens.

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Sharing a bed with Baby seems to be especially prevalent on the road. According to a 2018 survey by BabyQuip, the leading baby gear rental service marketplace, 69% of parents said they have slept with their infant in the bed with them while traveling, and 39% of reported doing this frequently.

The worst place for a newborn to doze is on a couch, armchair, and other soft, lumpy surface, which can create air pockets that make it difficult for her to breathe. This is especially dangerous during late-night feedings when both mom and baby are drowsy.

"If you think that there's even the slightest possibility that you may fall asleep [during a feeding], feed your baby on your bed, rather than a sofa or cushioned chair," said Lori Feldman-Winter, M.D., FAAP, member of the Task Force on SIDS and co-author of the AAP’s 2016 report on safe sleep guidelines for infants, in a statement.

"If you do fall asleep, as soon as you wake up be sure to move the baby to his or her own bed," she added.

The AAP recommends infants sleep on their backs in cribs outfitted with only a mattress covered with a tightly fitted sheet.

On the other hand, many parents believe equally strongly that what works in other cultures may not necessarily work in ours. You may feel that your child needs her own identity separate from yours and her own retreat at the end of the day. Parents, too, may feel that their room and their bed are their own sanctuary, a child-free place for rest, for togetherness, and for sex (though co-sleeping advocates say their way encourages them to be more creative about when and where and how to make love). Some experts feel that having a very small child sleep with her parents poses a suffocation hazard, although this is probably a minimal risk for a 1-year-old. At any rate, you need not feel at all guilty if you are simply more comfortable having your child sleep in her bed rather than in yours. Either way, there are benefits.

If you haven't done so already, you will have to make your own decision about how much family you want in your bed. If you do choose to follow the co-sleeping route, make sure the togetherness you desire addresses your child's needs and not just your own. If you are a single parent or your spouse is often away from home, for instance, you should not allow your child to sleep with you just to stave off your own loneliness. Nor should you take your child into your bed simply because you feel that it will be easier to get him to go to sleep that way. You can certainly help your child to learn to fall asleep in his own bed within a few days.