"It Would Really Hurt Him If He Knew Our Son Thought This Way": 16 Parents Shared Things Their Kids Confessed To Them That They Wouldn't Dare Tell The Other Parent
Parenting is full of highs and lows. Some of those lows — a kid making a mess, destroying something sentimental, or making an upsetting confession — happen without one parent knowing, and the parent present vows to keep it a secret between them and their child.
I recently asked the BuzzFeed Community for stories of when their children did or said something that they decided not to tell their partner for one reason or another. Here's what they shared:
Note: This article contains mention of the accidental death of an animal.
1."I was driving in my car with my boyfriend's son, who was six at the time, and he asked me if people who got divorced could get married again. I thought he was maybe asking about me and his dad, as that was something we all had talked about. I told him, yes, people get remarried all the time. He then responded, saying he wanted his Dad to marry his Mom again, only so they could have another baby, a little sibling for him. It should be stated that I have a fantastic relationship with both my boyfriend's son and even his ex-wife, so I know he didn't mean any harm in his question. But I never told my boyfriend because I knew it would break his heart."
—Molly, 42, CA
2."That his first word was 'papa.' I let her think it was 'mama.'"
3."Not a parent, but when I was a nanny, the little boy I took care of told me he didn't love his dad. He said he just didn't like him that much and that his mum was way better. The dad wasn't abusive; he just spent very little time with his kids."
4."Late at night, my son and I chat until he falls asleep (he sleeps between my husband and me in our bed). And almost every night, he'll look around and then ask if he can tell me a secret. Then he whispers, 'I love you more. Don't tell Daddy! He's in second place, though.'"
5."Currently, my favorite nephew decided to take a semester off before starting college. He has yet to tell his mom, my sister-in-law. He stated she would tell everyone to embarrass him and can't deal with it. My brother not only knows this but fully supports him. Even helping him to pull off this deception."
—Anonymous
6."One night, we snuggled after reading a story when my daughter said, 'I love you more than daddy. If one of you has to die, I hope it is him, not you.' We are separated but still friends and co-parenting fine most of the time. I will never tell him this."
—Anonymous
7."My son came out to me as gay a couple of years ago (he is almost 18 now). I asked him if he wanted me to tell his dad or if he wanted to, and he said he didn't know. I haven't told his dad because I respect my son's autonomy and want him to come out how and when he is comfortable. That is not my story to tell (unless he asks me to)."
8."My husband and I were going through a divorce, and he moved out. He had several meltdowns that ended with the kids being angry at him. He also began falling into conspiracy theories. My kids live with me, and one day, our youngest, who was 15 at the time, said to me, 'Mom, if something happened to you, I would not want to go live with Dad.' They've told me that twice now, and it really breaks my heart that he caused that much damage because of his unresolved issues."
—Anonymous
9."I have been divorced since my son was 18 months old; he is now eight. We were looking for bug spray at the grocery store and I could not, for the life of me, find it. After a full day of work, I just didn't care and conceded defeat. I said that his dad could buy some, and we'd get it from him on the next 'daddy day.' My son became upset because he said that his dad wouldn't be able to do it because I'm the one who 'takes care' of him 'the most.' Now, my former husband and I are on good terms (most of the time), but when we're not, I wouldn't ever drop this on him, not even in a moment of pettiness. It would really, really hurt him if he knew our son thought this way."
10."When my 17-year-old lost their virginity, they actually came to me and told me, along with some deets I could have gone without. But then that little part of me said, 'Well, hey, they must trust me.' Dad still thinks they're a virgin at 25."
—Anonymous, 47, NC
11."I didn't tell her dad that our daughter went on birth control pills at age 16. Then the dog ate a pack, and I had to secretly call poison control."
—Anonymous
12."As we wandered down the frozen food aisle of the grocery store, without even looking up, my 5-year-old said, 'Mom, if Dad died, I wouldn't go to his funeral.' Yikes."
13."My husband is a huge gamer and has a long history playing NBA2K. We lived in an apartment building that would always lose power when it rained. At the age of nine, our son deleted my husband's entire NBA2K history. I knew he would lose his mind knowing that all his gaming history (and the money spent on upgrades) was gone. I told my son that if he said anything about it, he would be grounded forever and not to worry that I'd take care of it; he just had to stay quiet. Luckily, we were due for rain in a few days. So, on the day it was due to rain, I mentioned he hadn't played in a while, and I had planned to read all afternoon, so it was a perfect time for him to play. He played a lot with his brothers online, and I had mentioned to my sisters-in-law that he planned to play all day. He started playing with his brothers, and while playing, it started to rain, and the power went out after a loud thunderclap."
"When the power came back on, he went back to playing. He later decided to switch to playing NBA2K. He saw his account was missing. He started yelling about where his account was, how it had just disappeared, and who did this. I just sat there, looked him in the eye, and said it was probably the power outage. I also had a small NBA2K profile (no investment in it) and told him to check mine to see if mine was still there. If they were both gone, it was a system issue; if only his were gone, then someone deleted it.
He saw my account wasn't there either (because I deleted mine too that day just for this reason) and accepted the power outage story. My son is now 26 and now always gives his dad an NBA2K gift card for his major days (i.e. birthday, Father's Day, Christmas, and our anniversary) out of guilt, but his secret was kept, and his butt was never whooped."
—Ness, TX
14."We had a very tolerant pet rabbit who would let my 2-year-old son chase him and pick him up at will. One evening after work, while preparing dinner, my son was playing in the garden with his Little Tikes car, which had a lift-up seat. Bunny and boy passed the doorway, bunny in front of him, laughing as he chased my fluffy bunny. It went quiet, then the boy drove past in his car, and the bunny was at the bottom of the garden. I continued making dinner. My son (who had very limited speech at two) called me. I told him to wait as I was busy. Next thing, he dragged my poor bunny into the kitchen, dumped him on the floor, and said, 'Bunny sleeping.' My son had put my poor rabbit in the little hidden compartment under the seat, closed the lid, then sat on it."
"The rabbit was a big bunny and appeared that when my son sat down, he accidentally killed it. Oh my God, did I cry?! I had had the rabbit for a long time, and he was very tame and loving.
My (now ex) partner had always said the boy would hurt the rabbit, so I had to pretend I found him lying down in the garden when I got home (he was nearly 10 and a free-roaming rabbit). It took a lot of convincing for him to believe me. I told one friend, but no one else.
I have never come clean to my ex about this situation, as sometimes the truth causes more problems. Even now, nearly 17 years later, the memories of that evening are very clear and are making my heart ache."
—C, 47, Wales
15."My daughter was only seven when her biological mom passed away after an absolutely horrific battle with blood cancer. Her mother's passing hit our small family hard, as it was a traumatic loss, and she was such a joy to have in our lives. A few years after her passing, I eventually decided to start dating again. I met an incredible woman who we'll call Stacey. Stacey was gorgeous on both the inside and out; she loved animals, had a stable job, and just checked all my boxes. I hate to admit this, but Stacey is a better fit for me than my first wife was. I knew I wanted to marry her. So, one night, I decided to go talk to my daughter (who was 13 at the time) about my idea of a proposal to Stacey. She was quiet and solemn when I told her how I saw and dreamed of a future with Stacey in it. I also made a comment about how she would be getting a stepmother."
"My daughter then looked me dead in the eyes and told me words that I will never forget: 'I'm okay with you marrying Stacey, but she is not, will not, and cannot be my mom. She will always just be Stacey to me. Do what you want, though.'
These words crushed me, as my daughter seriously thought that I was trying to replace her mom. I reassured my daughter that Stacey wasn't going to replace her mom, and I proposed to Stacey a week later.
I never told Stacey what my daughter said, and I have no plans to either. While I do believe that my daughter has grown to like Stacey, my daughter only refers to her as 'Stacey' and nothing else. She doesn't even say 'my stepmom,' but instead 'my dad's wife.' I don't think my daughter (who's now 20) has ever stopped grieving the death of her mother, but I hope that she's found some peace with the fact I've remarried."
—Grant, New England
16."I discovered my daughter had an abortion when she got an infection post-op. It would break her father's heart and change his view of her, and the deed was already done, so I chose not to tell him."
—Anonymous
Has your child ever done or said something you decided to keep under wraps from your partner (or their other parent)? Let us know in the comments, or using this anonymous form.