'Shark Tank' Star Barbara Corcoran Opens Up on Family Caregiving: 'Don't Go It Alone!'
Shark Tank star Barbara Corcoran is best known as a real estate mogul, sharp-as-a-tack investor and cutting-edge entrepreneur, but she also has a tender side, especially when it comes to her late mother, Florence Corcoran.
Corcoran and her nine siblings pooled their resources and expertise to care for Florence when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in 2003 and were there for her when she passed away in 2012 at age 87.
The motivational speaker, bestselling author and producer doled out her sage advice from her family's journey for National Family Caregivers Month in November, which honors and raises awareness for the more than 11 million family caregivers in the United States alone.
"It was so sad to watch her. I would go to my mom's room and she believed there were snakes under her bed. I would show her there were no snakes and try to talk her down, but it never worked," Corcoran recalled with tears in her eyes at the Pennsylvania Conference for Women in Philadelphia.
“My brother decided to take a course in caregiving for Alzheimer's, and soon after he walked into her room, grabbed the broom and got rid of all the snakes," she added. "Thankfully, our mom was able to sleep at night."
Read on for our full interview with Barbara Corcoran.
I love what you said about learning a different way than when your brother took that course, was that surprising to you?
Barbara Corcoran: "It was very surprising because we hadn't been handling her that way. We were always correcting her, helping her, thinking we were being charitable. But if you think about it, always being corrected was very mean, it made her almost feel stupid."
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Many people handle caregiving alone, what would you say to them if they don't have a support team?
"Doing it alone increases the pressure of it ten-fold. Like any problem, I think if you have someone else to talk about it and share your journey it is so much easier. Don't go it alone if you can help it. You have to find your community."
Why is it important to you to spread this message to the millions of caregivers in this country?
"There are so many changes in what can happen when caring for people with dementia, and I think knowing that there's a separate disease that we never saw coming at the tail end of Alzheimer's made us question who we really had as a mom as it would.
"I could picture other people reaching the same conclusions without reaching out for help. She got angry, aggressive, and verbally abusive, and we were like, 'Who is this lady? Was this always part of her?' So I want caregivers who are touched by this to learn everything they can about this. It puts a label on things and makes you feel empowered to do something about it. Go to RecognizeAlzheimersAgitation.com."
Related: 10 Best Resources for Caregivers
What did you learn about yourself while you took care of her?
"I learned that I'm very impatient, I have to be right and I like correcting people. It actually changed my behavior in all things. Because I learned to be a bit better of a listener. We used to visit her and spend a of couple hours and just listen to her say these crazy things, but I settled in my seat and I really enjoyed her stories. She had a good imagination. What she came up with was entertaining and funny."
Did it change you at all as a mom of a son and a daughter yourself?
"Honestly, you know what it did for me? It made me think I was going to get Alzheimer's next. I went for testing. There is no doubt I'm very much like my mom. But when the doctor actually said to me, 'You don’t have Alzheimer's at all.' I replied, 'You're not fooling me. Are you hiding it from me?' But it increased the fear that I was doomed to be there. I was more selfish with caring about myself and wondering what would happen to me, what action I would want and who would care for me since I don't have 10 children. I guess I formed a plan pretty early assuming I would have Alzheimer's."
Related: 7 Steps To Help You Prepare To Be a Caregiver
You have said that your mom's sage advice was to use your imagination and your creativity. How did that work with your real estate business?
"It's everything. I created the Corcoran Report, which was a statistical report that put me on the map as an authority. Everybody in town called me for any information. That was because I used my imagination to create a crazy report, and I thought of an idea on how to grandstand and how to get the press to cover it. I built my business by stealing the limelight of my competitors more than anything else because of my imagination. So mom was right. I believe that using your imagination and building a business is frankly more important than working hard."
I know your daughter has learning issues. Do you have advice for parents who are trying to help their teens and young adults with college and careers based on your own experience?
"My daughter is 18 and has a lot of complicated learning issues. She just started college and what I have found is there is the right place for everyone. We looked high and low and visited every place and cross-examined everything, but in the end, we chose the nicest people. It wasn't so much the college; it was the nicest people. I think because of that, she's very happy there.
"My son is dyslexic, so I have always had special needs kids, but I believe that you can find a way to do anything if you have the willpower and the love. There is no replacement for a mother's love; it's an engine that will drive things every single time."
Related: What Daily Self-Care Looks Like for a Caregiver
Talk about the family you created through investing in a variety of Shark Tank businesses—more than 100 of them!
"Well, honestly, I adopted the good ones and I've been sympathetic to the bad ones! I take tremendous joy in having a team and I've made them all a team and that's how they should be because they help each other. I have my favorites.
"I have others that I pretend I love but I want to pull their hair out as you would as a mother. But the best thing for me is when someone comes up to me and says that I have really made a difference in their life: 'I remember you said such and such six years ago and it made a difference in my life.' Any kind of comment like that makes me feel like a million bucks, even more so than my Shark Tank businesses."
Can you please share a favorite memory of your mom before she had Alzheimer’s?
"Oh, goodness there are so many. We were all swimming in a lake about half an hour from my house. We had a terrible storm where there were chunks of ice falling on us and we ran to the car like all the other families, and we were in the car with the rain hitting so hard. My mother jumped out of the car and she came back with a frightened young girl who obviously had some emotional problems. But we were watching my mother be so tender, and when the storm was over, she took the girl out and found the girl's family.
"I remember looking at my mother and thinking, 'My God, she's so charitable and so loving.' How do you have that love 'for a total stranger? So, that was the greatest lesson, 'Be charitable one-on-one, which I think is much more important than being charitable in a group. Our mom taught us tenderness. That was a powerful memory of how it influenced my life."
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