What To Say to Someone Who's Been Laid Off, According to Psychologists

Psychologists share 15 thoughtful examples of what to say.

When a person is laid off from their job, the concern often goes beyond where their next paycheck is coming from. With such a dramatic change suddenly forced upon them, it can also be difficult to know what to say to someone who's been laid off.

As Carrie Ditzel, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Director of Geropsychology and Neuropsychology at Baker Street Behavioral Health, puts it, our work life can often be the center of our sense of purpose and identity, and it can contribute to our feeling of self-worth and confidence. In another aspect, for many, being laid off can act as a source of grief—a person “grieves” for this part of their life that’s come to a close. It doesn’t help that the person may also feel stressed about their finances. Eventually, all that worrying can take a toll on their mental health.

“These feelings can lead to depression, anxiety and even PTSD if they last for a prolonged period of time,” says Melissa Boudin, Psy.D. at Choosing Therapy.

Mass layoffs have become par for the course so far throughout 2023, with companies like Disney, Amazon and Google laying off a sizeable chunk of their workforce. With several individuals who have been laid off this year, there’s a good chance that you have a spouse, family member or friend who has lost their job.

Much like when someone loses a loved one, it can be difficult to find the words to say to someone who’s been recently laid off.

Avigail Lev, Psy.D. is the director of the Bay Area CBT Center and recommends this as a starting point: “Do you need validation, reassurance, problem-solving or advice?”

“It helps to ask the person directly what kind of support they need,” she explains. “Do they just need their feelings and experiences validated, are they wanting to problem-solve solutions, or do they want your advice?”

In general, Lev says that it’s better to say validating statements rather than reassuring statements to someone who’s been laid off.

“Validation sounds like: ‘This must be really hard for you,’ ‘This is really scary,’ and ‘It makes sense that you feel really frustrated.’ Validation involves validating people’s feelings and needs whereas reassurance involves reassuring people that things will be OK. Reassuring statements sound like: ‘This will all work out for the best’ or ‘You will find another job soon.’ When people are going through a hard time, reassuring them will not help. They need validation that their pain is real and that their feelings and needs matter,” Lev says.

With this in mind, ahead, you’ll discover 15 statements that can help someone who’s been laid off, according to our experts.

What to say to someone who’s been laid off

“That is so difficult—it seems like this came as a surprise.”

Oftentimes, a layoff can come out of nowhere, which throws your friend or loved one completely off-balance. Affirm that feeling with these words.

“This statement reflects a feeling and the experience of the person,” says Ditzel. “This may help them really feel heard and understood.”

“How do you feel?”

When asking this question, Boudin says that it can sometimes be hard for the person to pinpoint an answer. But asking does give them the opportunity to think through how they’re feeling.

“It also lets them know you care about how they feel and are open to hearing about it,” Boudin adds.

“It makes sense that you feel [insert feeling here.]”

Whether they’re angry, frustrated, sad or anxious, Lev says that labeling and validating the person’s feelings is the best thing to do for someone who’s struggling. She says, “Label each feeling and let the person know that it makes sense that they feel the way they do.”

Related: 8 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Anxiety—and What to Say Instead

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“This gives the person an opportunity to say yes or no, rather than forcing them to talk about it when they may not be ready,” Boudin says.

“It seems like losing this job is really stressful and makes things uncertain for you—I am so sorry you are going through this.”

With this statement, you can reflect the person’s feelings and experience, which can feel very comforting, according to Ditzel.

“I know your career means so much to you.”

For someone who loved their job and lost it, a layoff can be doubly hard. This phrase “validates the sense of purpose and identity that came from their job” and “that they may be hurting in this way,” as Ditzel puts it. You are validating that their job was more than “just a job” to them.

“This sucks.”

This simple statement is actually a pretty spot-on thing to say to someone who’s been laid off. Lev says that phrases like this (“This is hard” is another way to say it) validate how difficult these circumstances are and it makes sense that they’re struggling.

“I am sure you are going to miss your colleagues so much—you really had a nice team.”

“This validates that work is social, and they may lose some social connections which can be part of the loss,” Ditzel points out.

“Of course you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed—anyone in this position would be feeling this way.”

As an “of course” statement, you can normalize the person’s feelings by acknowledging that anyone in a similar position would also be having trouble with this.

“This statement both validates the person’s experience and normalizes it,” Lev says.

Related: 21 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Depression (and What to Say Instead)

“I believe in you.”

It may sound trite, or even schmaltzy, but “I believe in you” can be a comforting, empowering phrase for someone who’s been recently laid off.

“These are likely welcome words to someone who has just lost their job,” Boudin explains. “This is also an opportunity to remind the person of their past accomplishments and triumphs over adversity, which may be difficult for them to think of on their own when going through the loss.”

“This is not your fault.”

“This is a reassuring statement that helps the person acknowledge that they are not at fault and that the situation was not in their control,” Lev says. “People are quick to blame themselves when getting laid off. Making reassuring statements that help the person not take the situation personally will be helpful.”

“What do you think is the next step for you?”

Ditzel calls this phrase a “future-oriented” way to approach talking to someone who’s been laid off.

“If the individual seems open to thinking about the future, consider asking questions versus just giving straight advice,” Ditzel suggests. “This can be a more collaborative and comforting kind of communication. Statements such as these are not prescribing your opinion of what they should do but being a listener so they can think about their options in a comfortable way.”

Related: Ask Carrie: Laid Off and Worried About Money—What to Do Next?

“How can I help?”

Lev says that the best way to help someone is to directly ask them what they need and how you can help them. Boudin agrees, saying that this phrase “lets them know you want to help and support them, if they are open to it and want your help.”

Boudin goes on to say that it can be helpful to share specific ideas with the person rather than blanket “I'm here to help” type statements. This gives them an opportunity to say yes or no to any of your ideas to help them.

“Do you want to meet in person?”

“This gives the person an opportunity to be physically present with someone, when perhaps talking about it is not something they're ready for,” Boudin says. “They may just want to be with a friend rather than alone with their thoughts or sadness/other emotions.”

“I am here for you. When can I check in with you again?”

Ditzel says that statements such as these offer your open-ended support without any expectations. “This is reassuring in that they can reach out to you in the coming days and that you don’t expect them to be OK right away,” she says.

Next up, find out what to do if you are the one who’s been laid off.

Sources

• Carrie Ditzel, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Director of Geropsychology and Neuropsychology at Baker Street Behavioral Health.

• Melissa Boudin, Psy.D. at Choosing Therapy.

• Avigail Lev, Psy.D., director of the Bay Area CBT Center.

• Mondo: An Addison Group Company. “Mass Layoffs in 2022 & 2023: What’s Next for Employees?”