Humor: Black cat turned life coach says you cause your own bad luck

Hello humans! You know me. I'm the black cat who has crossed your path many times—the one you blame for a lost promotion or the missing of a bus. Well, I've got some choice words for all of you who maligned me over the years. Lean in. The truth is going to be hard to accept. But here it goes.

You are the cause of your bad luck.

Recently, I started my own company, My Day the 13th. Of course, you know that, seeing as many major publications and websites have featured my work in the self-help field. I'm not bragging; I'm simply stating a fact. Facts are powerful. Unlike superstitions, which keep you rooted in the past and your bad habits, my goal is to help humans reach their fullest potential.

That's right, I inspire others to go out there and create their good luck. If you listen to my podcast, Undomesticated, you know how successful my techniques are. Several past clients come on to discuss the great things they've accomplished. You could say they're climbing ladders instead of fearing them.

You can always check out one of my many books if you're not a podcast fan. Live Your Purrfect Life is a current bestseller. In it, I discuss how personal accountability is the key to getting the life you want—the key is looking at what YOU do to get in your way. Because I promise you, you're the one standing in your path. Answers can be found within. And you can't look within if you're busy looking for every crack in the sidewalk.

All of this information might be surprising to you. People say, "How can someone who causes so much misfortune ever find fortune himself?" Or, "It's funny that your business is thriving even though I lost funding for my business the very same day you passed me in the grocery store parking lot." And I don't think that man meant "funny" in a nice way.

Unsurprisingly, he's not the only one who has uttered such comments. It's hard for some to let go of their preconceived superstitions. To all those negative individuals, I have one thing to say; I forgive you. It's not your fault that your external locus of control requires you to seek something outside of yourself to blame for your failures.

Don't believe me? Let me tell you about Charlotte. She was a sweet woman who claimed with absolute certainty that an encounter with a black cat (no relation) caused her to break her foot. One had crossed her path as she walked to the gym. So logically, she assumed it was my kind's fault when she got hurt. I gave her some hard truths.

"Really, Charlotte? A cat separated your bones and ligaments by simply existing? You're sure it wasn't your determination to sign your beginner butt up for an advanced Zumba class?"

Eventually, she came to her senses and is now creating the life she's always wanted. She's also worked her way up to advance Zumba and feels healthier than ever. Plus, she's raising a rescued black cat. It's an inspirational tale all around.

I know that some of you still doubt my expertise. I've dealt with denial plenty of times. My ex-client, Larry, went on and on about how much his life sucked and why it was never his fault.

Finally, I snapped and told him, "I'm very sorry smashing a mirror all those years ago scarred you. However, it would be irresponsible if I didn't suggest that maybe the mirror isn't why you've had so many financial setbacks. Could it be your penchant for gambling combined with your habit of losing? I'm very sorry you don't have a mirror anymore, Larry, because you need to take a long, hard look at yourself."

Sometimes, you don't need a mirror to see the true you. You need an award-winning life coach.

My fur might be black, but my heart isn't. I extend a paw and await an apology from you superstitious folk who have spoken ill of me. And, If I'm in a good mood that day, I might even give you a free copy of my book so you, too, can start to create your good luck.