Humor: Extremely plausible reasons why you, a stranger, are reading my book over my shoulder

1. You forgot your book at home and need something to do until your friend (who you've figured out was lying when they said they were "almost there") finally arrives, and you both can be seated. You should've brought a book, you trusting fool, for I will not share.

2. After seeing me choose the perfect apple at the farmers market three weeks ago, you've loved me from afar. I don't blame you. It was a perfect apple, and finding a mate who is both beautiful and understands fruit is almost impossible. I assume. Since then, you've been gently stalking me to find out more about my interests (but you're handsome, so it's OK) to work up the courage to talk to me later.

3. As a sociopath, you enjoy finding ways to make people feel extremely uncomfortable. Congratulations! Hearing you breathe as you take in my content has unnerved me. Go away now.

4. You are the author of this newly published book and are looking for honest feedback from someone you can trust. While some have a punchable face, mine is a we-can-trust-her-opinion-is-not-bought one. Thus, you wait to see if I laugh or cry in the right sections. I hope I don't disappoint you if this is the case, dear author, for I'm pretty underwhelmed by this text.

5. This is a test. One of the world's most elite law firms is observing me to see if I can keep my head cool under pressure. I will not fail this mysterious firm. Go ahead and try to creep me out, book reader. I'm onto your game.

6. Oh, shoot! The book I'm reading is cursed. That's why no one else has stepped in to save me from you. They can't see your form. By cracking this spine, I've ensured that I shall suffer at the hands of a book ghost. Why does this always happen to me and everyone in my family line?!

7. You're a spy and a code has been placed in this book which you hold the key to decipher! That is so cool. I wish I could be the spy in this situation, not the normal, boring person.

8. Certain books have been identified as possible useful indicators to help root out radicals. While I simply liked the cover, I've inadvertently placed myself on a list, and you're following me to see what I do and where I go.

9. To prevent The Great Doom that will befall humanity, future scientists sent you, an android, back in time. Surprisingly, I will bring this event about if I read a specific page of this book at a particular time. The thought that the page would inspire might seem great initially, but it will cause The Great Doom further down the road. You've been told by those who sent you to tear out a page from this book before that happens. Well, I hate to break it to you, but it's a library book, and I can't let you do that.

10. You're a serial killer whose main target is, as you've written in your cryptic notes, "smart" girls. Thus you target girls reading physical books, not digital copies on their phones or tablets. That's judgmental of you, and I expect better from modern killers. Reading a book in public doesn't make someone more intelligent than someone else. So go stalk that girl scrolling on her iPhone.