Girls are the worst, am I right? Oh yeah, I know I’m a girl, but I’m not like those other girls. I’m a cool zombie girl. That means I’m dead sexy, dead, and super easy to be around.
Other girls play hard to get. They make you wait for days before they reply to a text. They like to be chased. Not me. I do the chasing. I’ll follow you until I finally win your heart. Even if it takes a long time, I can wear you (and your food stores) down.
Another perk of being in a relationship with me, a cool zombie girl, is that I won’t talk your ear off. The only things you’ll hear from me are moans of delight. Because is there anything worse than a girl who has expectations? Like the ones who demand you to get up off the couch and do something. “Don’t sit in front of the TV all day! You’re becoming a zombie,” she’ll gripe. No nagging from me, because I find your zombie behavior attractive. You keep sitting there all day, letting your running muscles atrophy, and I’ll be by your side.
It’s true, I don’t care about muscles. Let them get nice and soft. Really, what you look like doesn't matter to me. It’s what’s on the inside that counts. And I’ve seen the insides of many men and let me tell you it’s all the same.
There will be no regular girl here, asking all sorts of unreasonable questions about labels. I won’t bother inquiring after the status of our relationship, because that’s not cool. It’s super draining. Do I look like a vampire to you? Hell no!
In case you are wondering I don’t need you to buy me dinner or pay my rent. That’s so basic. And I’m not basic, I’m cool. I don’t love you for your money. I love you for your mind. Your, big, smart, juicy mind.
You wonder how I feel about you seeing other women? Honestly, I don’t care. In fact why don’t you bring them all over? We can all chill and watch a movie and fall into a helpless state of slumber together. Of course I’m not just acting chill and letting you do what you want so you go out with me! I told you I’m a cool zombie girl. So invite over all of your side chicks. The more the merrier! Believe me, it would be a treat.
Writing dumb things to make you laugh