17 Myths Women Grew Up On When It Came Down To Sex, Love, And Relationships
Recently Reddit user SkyNurGal asked the women of the community, "What ideas of romanticism turned out to be untrue in real-life relationships?"
Women got down to business and revealed some pretty unrealistic ideas about love. It's not always rainbows and sunshine — some of the time, it isn't what you expected at all.
So, here are some hugeeeeee romantic misconceptions women have discovered in their love lives:
1."That love thrives on overt romantic gestures, like bringing home flowers, going out to fancy dinners, wearing sexy underwear, looking good for them all the time, gifts, or a romantic Valentine's Day. I found all of that to be a marketing ploy. Real love thrives on sincerely asking each other how are you, how can I make your life easier today, doing the dishes without a second thought, putting bandages on their yucky wound for a week without being asked, or watering their plants when they can't. Looking to see who is the most tired and taking the kids out for an hour or two if it isn't you."
2."That you should be in a 'can't-think-about-anything-else, out-of-your-mind, in love' state of mind all the time. It's just unrealistic. Real love is a committed decision made every day with your head as well as your heart."
"Someone needs to tell this to the 'serial monogamists' who keep dumping people/cheating on them as soon as the 'honeymoon phase' is over."
3."That I would be saved from whatever bad experiences I was going through by finding a man. In reality, what worked was therapy and time on my own, learning how to fend for myself and love myself. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that insight, so I got married to someone who was perfect on paper very early in life. He ended up causing me similar issues that I thought I’d escaped from, all because I hadn’t learned what I really needed in life. After our separation, I am growing like never before, even addressing issues from decades ago. I’m not sure I even need a relationship anymore."
4."You'll meet the right person at the perfect time, with both of you always knowing how to talk to each other and every problem is cleaned up within 45-125 minutes. Then, it's sealed with a kiss that's flawlessly executed right every single time. Real love in the real world is NOTHING like that!!!"
5."Needing to text all day long, do everything together, and getting upset if you try to do something without them. That isn’t love — it’s control."
6."That love can fix everything. Sometimes you and your partner can love each other completely, but just not be compatible together for a number of reasons."
"Absolutely. Various things I've seen end otherwise loving relationships include jobs in industries tied to specific cities that the other person can't move to without giving up their career. Also living styles that completely trigger the other person's traumas, one partner wanting marriage when the other doesn't believe in it, different ideas about kids, unaddressed mental health issues, changes in religious or political views...the list goes on."
7."That you'll just know what your partner wants/needs because of the power of love??? You have to talk about literally everything. The way the toilet paper is turned, how you never brush the cat, the meaning of life, how your spaghetti sauce is too 'spicy.' How far to pull the car up in the driveway, why she hates people touching her belly button, and what to do about her anti-gay relatives. Building a life together means talking about everything. Constantly."
8."Sleeping in each other's arms every night. I get way too hot, don't touch me, get the fuck away from me."
9."Just keep pursuing someone until they 'give in.'"
10."'Love means never having to say you're sorry.' This quote is from Love Story, and it just sounds like the most gas-lighting 'romantic idea' ever."
11."Love at first sight. You can be very physically attracted to someone the first time you see them, but you can’t love someone who you don’t know anything about."
12."That the main and only goal in your life is to find 'the one' and after you meet your true love, you'll just live happily ever after. No, love doesn't fix incompatibility. No, love doesn't make you forget about health and financial problems. No, love doesn't turn a bad personality into a good one."
13."If you have a lot of passion for someone and there's a big sexual draw, it means you're in love. I’m pretty young, but every time I've been drawn to someone due to only/mainly passion or sexual compatibility, I’ve essentially thrown myself into a lose-lose situation. Passion doesn’t account for care."
14."To marry for love. FUCK NO — marry for your future self, future kids, and the type of lifestyle you want."
15."If this relationship feels like a roller coaster with big romantic actions and butterflies, it’s frequently a toxic path."
16."That money is never an issue in a relationship..."
"In the words of my great-grandmother: 'When money flies out the door, so does love.'
Harsh, but she wasn’t wrong."
17.And finally, "That your person will be your everything. Having this perception places too much pressure on your partner and when they inevitably lack in one area, you’re going to feel disappointed, reconsider your entire relationship, and try to seek better. No. No one is going to be everything for you. You need others to fill in the gaps that your partner does not — this is where being part of a community comes in."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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