Cerabino: Florida's CFO Jimmy Patronis proposes state to pay Trump's legal fees

CLARIFICATION: An earlier version of this column referred to the proposed fund to pay Donald Trump's legal bills as a "tax" on Florida taxpayers. While the money would come from state funds collected from taxpayers, according to the proposal by Florida's CFO Jimmy Patronis, it would not be paid for with a new tax.

Florida’s Chief Financial Officer Jimmy Patronis is special.

The funniest people are often the ones who are most unconscious of their comedic gifts. I’d put Patronis in that category.

It’s almost like you can hear the Benny Hill soundtrack faintly playing in the background when he opens his mouth.

He’s obviously struggling to be taken seriously. It isn’t easy in a state with real problems that are actually part of his job description — like the paralyzing insurance crisis and affordable housing shortage — that he has been feckless to address.

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So, he has resorted to clowning. Clowning in a big way.

The Panhandle Pagliacci took his show to Orlando recently, where he advocated for perhaps the most ridiculous course of action at the GOP’s Florida Freedom Summit. No small feat.

Patronis told the crowd that Florida taxpayers should all pay into a fund to cover Donald Trump’s legal fees.

Yes, that Donald Trump. You know, the billionaire tax evader, national-secrets stealing, insurrection-leading, elections denier who is also a miserable speller of words and an advocate of bleach drinking.

Patronis called his proposal “The Defending Freedom Fighters Fund.”

(I’m starting to hear the Benny Hill music again.)

There hasn’t been an Orwellian turn of phrase this laughable since the Florida lawmakers who are creepily drafting a billionaire-donor-sourced, child-labor-exploitation law called their dirty work a “youth worker freedom” bill.

“Trust me, we have plenty of money to defend serious Florida candidates from prosecution by the Department of Justice and other partisan prosecutors,” Patronis said.

As a side note on that “plenty of money,” about 34 percent of Florida’s budget comes from federal dollars bestowed upon the state.

So, Patronis is essentially advocating supplementing federal handouts with more state money to thwart the federal administration of justice on behalf of a part-time, country-club-owning, state resident who recently threw a hissy fit because he narrowly missed the cutoff for the Forbes 400 richest Americans.

Full-fledged clowning.

All while the state faces a lawsuit over its stingiest-in-the-nation cuts to Medicaid eligibility for needy children.

“Everyone, and I mean that literally,” Patronis continued, “should be outraged by how our justice system is being weaponized by partisan, left-wing Democrats. I am more committed than ever to setting up this legal defense fund.”

Yes, can’t wait to see how that goes over.

Because as it turns out, about 51 percent of Americans have no problem with Trump being prosecuted for crimes and civil actions that are backed by mountains of damning evidence and the testimony of fellow Republicans.

I guess you could say that one person’s “outrage” is another person’s “equal treatment under the law.”

Maybe Patronis should have listened to Republican presidential candidate Chris Christie, who was jeered by the same Florida Freedom Summit audience while delivering them news about Trump they didn’t want to hear.

“Your anger against the truth is reprehensible,” Christie told them.

Patronis was applauded by that same audience for advocating that Florida's public money should pay for Donald Trump’s legal fees. But maybe they were all just being, as Christie suggested, reprehensible?

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So, I have an idea. Let’s humor Patronis and his views on victimhood.

We’re with you, Jimmy. Run with this. It will be an interesting experiment.

The people of Florida want you to start up that defense fund for Trump.

But let’s just phase it in gradually.

Start out by just getting the Republicans to support it. After all, they’re the ones cheering for it, so they’d be the least to mind that some of their tax dollars going into a special Trump fund.

And then we’ll see how long this “freedom” talk lasts.

I suspect that it won't be long before your average guard-gate Republican will be directing Trump to the nearest Florida Public Defender’s Office.

Oops, here comes the Benny Hill music again.

Frank Cerabino is a news columnist with the Palm Beach Post, part of the Gannett newspaper chain.

This article originally appeared on Palm Beach Post: Florida CFO Jimmy Patronis wants state tax to pay Trump's legal fees