How many guests should I invite to my wedding? An expert guide to guest list etiquette
For many couples, the trip down the aisle can be as stressful as it is exciting. A wedding is, after all, not just the joining of two lives – it's a party. Playing both bride or groom and host presents a unique set of challenges. Deciding who to invite to your special day may be one of them.
To demystify the unwritten rules of guest list etiquette we spoke to wedding planners. Here's what they had to say about how couples can get organized about who to invite, what percentage of them will come and how to politely limit guests.
How many people should I invite to my wedding?
The number of people should be based on your budget, Jason Rhee, the Director and Owner of Rheefined Company Weddings & Special Events in West Hollywood, says.
First, decide on a budget, let that budget lead you to a venue and then settle on the appropriate number of attendee Rhee instructs. He has clients use a tiered system. People in the A tier receive the first batch of invites, then depending on the number of those guests who are not able to attend you can start bringing guests in from the lower tiers.
“Obviously the guests from the Bs and Cs should not know that they’re Bs and Cs" he jokes, adding those are usually coworkers, acquaintances, or frenemies.
Ryan Hill, who heads up Apotheosis Events in New York, also uses this system but refers to his as "must haves" and "great to haves."As for the size of the total guest lis: “budget and venue really define the rules of engagement,” he explains.
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What percentage of wedding guests attend?
The rule of thumb is that 10 to 20% of guests invited will not attend, Rhee says .
That number varies depending on factors including the season, the location of the wedding and how far out you're getting information to your guests, Rhee explains.
Hill confirms that about 80 to 85% of invitees will attend. That number shrunk a bit during the pandemic but has kicked back up since.
How many people does the average person invite to a wedding?
The size of a couple's guest list depends principally on budget, however, Rhee says the average wedding he plans sees some 125 to 150 invites sent out.
“I love keeping guest counts at a number that creates an intimacy,” Rhee says.
Is there a rule of thumb for a wedding guest list?
This varies from couple to couple. "Really think about what’s important to you on that day," Rhee advises. For some pairs it's having a larger guest list, for others it's hosting a more intimate affair and spending the money instead on personalized details for attendees.
“There really is no wrong way to celebrate your love,” he says.
Hill says he tells couples to start with family first but is careful to clarify this doesn't necessarily mean blood, it can mean chosen family. Think of it like a family tree, he explains – you start with the base and then begin to trim back the branches.
How many guests is a big wedding?
Anything above 150 guests is considered a big wedding Hill says. Seventy-five to 100 guests is a medium affair and small would be 50 to 75 guests, he explains.
How do you politely limit wedding guests?
It can be difficult not to step on any toes when composing a guest list. Rhee says he always tells clients they can use him as a scapegoat. Blame the planner, he instructs.
As an alternative, couples can also share the venue's capacity or explain that they have decided on a specific number of guests per family.
Hill says if you can't invite them or allow them to have a plus one communicate the "why" behind it.
Should you invite people who invited you to their wedding?
Many people say if you were in someone's wedding or invited to it, they should have a "must have" for your nuptials. While he agrees that if you were in someone's wedding they need to be invited to yours, if you were merely in attendance it's not necessarily quid pro quo.
Should the wedding guest list be 50-50?
Deciding how to split up the guest list between partners can be a challenge.
Typically, if more investment is coming from one side, that person should have leeway to invite more guests, he says.
Hill agrees. “The side of the family that is hosting the wedding may get a few more invites,” he says, adding “I think it’s always best to keep it as close to equal as possible.”
What other wedding invite etiquette should I keep in mind?
Hill says if the person has a significant other – emphasis on significant – then it is polite to give them a plus one. Otherwise, it's okay to withhold an extra invite but make sure to communicate with them. Give them a call, he advises, don't text or write a note.
The same goes for allowing children, Rhee says. As clients get older and more of their friends have kids, he explains some couples decide their weddings will be adults-only affairs.
As for the timeline, it is usually a courtesy to send out a save the date eight to ten months in advance, then the real written invitation three to six months out.
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: How many people should I invite to my wedding? Planners share tips
